The Way Out is Through
by Ovrboost
Summary: After third impact, the world is a shadow of it's former self. Now Shinji, and Asuka, separated post impact, must find their own paths. Please R&R.
1. The post war dream

-1Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, but I have plenty of coffee and cigarettes, if you want some of those…

26 March 06: Reread for kicks, and became disgusted by my lack of editing… Hopefully I fixed most of it. Minor changes only.

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

Chapter One: The Post War Dream

The sound of the waves rolling up onto the beach, helped to provide a kind of surreal atmosphere, aided immensely by the fact that the water had an orange-red tint, but that's only the minor details. Near the water lay two teenagers, either one staring with dead eyes into the night sky, a beautiful, cloudless, star-filled sky marred by a long crimson cut that spanned well past the horizon.

Time held no meaning for them, as neither one knew exactly how long it was that they had been laying there. Neither cared. Crucified giants, only a few hundred yards off shore seem to keep a silent vigil over the two. Nearby, a much smaller wooden cross has an even smaller, polished stone cross nailed to it.

The night sky fades slowly towards sunrise, purplish bruises already present on the neck of the unconscious female, as she lay alone by the sea. A broken trail of footprints lead off the beach before fading into dying grass.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Several hundred meters away from where the girl, Asuka, lay, walks the boy, Shinji. Moving about in a daze, he finds difficulty in collecting his thoughts. If not for the surreal state of the landscape, he would have considered the last twenty four hours to have been a dream, no… a horrible nightmare that should be forgotten at the first opportunity. Yet, here he stands, in what's left of the middle of a post apocalyptic city, reduced to little more than an immense lake framed by the occasional building that somehow managed to escape the destruction.

_If this is real,_ he thought to himself; _Then_… _I could have… I was going to… then she… oh… oh, God. _He nearly lost control of his emotions once again.

'_How disgusting…' _ Standing with his shoulders hunched, Shinji looked up to the sky towards the unseen god, who in his mind's eye was again focusing the magnifying glass on him.

_Why am I always the one who suffers? Why her? Why… just why god damn it! _Kicking a large piece of leaning concrete, he immediately wished he hadn't, as the pain shot through his leg. Slumping up against the debris, Shinji finds he has finally run out of tears.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The rays emanating from the rising sun were more than warm enough to cause Asuka to wake, something she was almost glad she did considering the dream, until she opened her eye anyways. The events prior to, and during third impact rushed through her head in a disjointed series of images, and pain… some residual, some not. It caused her head to hurt, thus making it incredibly hard to focus for a few minutes.

A dull, pulsing ache emanated from her bandaged arm, as well as from her left eye, definitely not helping the matter.

Soon, however, realization hit; _I… I should be dead…_ _no, I… died… so is this hell?_ The thought slightly unnerved her. _No, not hell… this is probably worse. _A cold chill quickly ran down her spine, unconsciously looking down, she noticed the trail left by the third. _Footprints… who… Shinji. Oh no… he didn't… _

"Shinji?"Her voice was soft, almost delicate. _Idiot…_ "Shinji, Where are you?" She was yelling now, her voice cracking slightly. She couldn't help the sudden hollow feeling. She was alone, and it scared the hell out of her. "Shinji! You idiot, where the fuck are you!" The sinking feeling overcame her after about ten minutes of trying to call out to him, and for her, the realization slowly dawned on her._ So you've finally abandoned me too, huh?_ For reasons unbeknownst to her, a tear silently made its way down her face. Anger flashed over her features as she quickly swiped the tear away, as if some unknown antagonist would use the opportunity to point and laugh. To her, in her mind, the cynical laughter at her weakness was already deafening, defying logic._ Fine… I don't need that coward… I… I don't need anyone…_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Something had startled Shinji from his fitful sleep, though he didn't have the slightest idea what it could have been. Not knowing when he had fallen asleep, or how long he had been out, Shinji instinctually looked skyward. The sun was directly overhead._ It was dawn when I walked out here… have I been out that long? _Taking stock of his surroundings, he suddenly realized that Asuka was probably awake, and his prolonged absence would likely end up being detrimental to his health._ I better get back… god, I hope she doesn't kill me over last night… or this. _His gulp seemed incredibly loud to him, which only served to quicken his pace.

It was a scant thirty minute walk on the way out, but his sense of urgency reduced the time by nearly half. Nearing the beach, Shinji noticed, with much relief, that the giant Rei head had dissolved into the ocean overnight, leaving no obvious trace. His relief died a quick, and horrible death when he crested the hill overlooking the beach, where instead of an angry redhead, he found two sets of footprints in the sand. One of the sets, he knew, were his, the other…

_Asuka? No… she didn't… no, she wouldn't… would she? _Franticly, Shinji ran along the beach, following the trail left behind in the sand, screaming Asuka's name. Fresh tears streamed down his face as an old fear came to grip his heart once more… abandonment. Abruptly, to his great displeasure, the trail ended, and for the next several hours, that was all the further he traveled, as he lay sobbing, his knees tucked tighly to his chest. A part of him still believed she would return.

.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She had no idea how long she had been walking, all she knew was that it had to have been close to noon, and she was starving. Unfortunately, the level of destruction had thus far prevented her from finding any place she could search for food. Her only hope, she had decided hours earlier, lay in one of the suburban areas outside the immediate city, where ,hopefully, the destruction was lessened enough for some buildings to still be standing. The independent power supply in her plug-suit had finally died several hours ago, consequently killing the device that helped keep the form fitting neoprene suit cool, giving her the feeling of being in a sauna, but, she reasoned, its better than walking around naked. A voice in the back of her mind warned her that she would soon suffer from heat exhaustion unless she stop, or drink some water… preferably both. The circumstances dictated that she would have to settle for the former, so she soon found a shady spot in the rubble to rest for awhile. As she got as comfortable as her accommodations would allow, the exhaustion hit her full force. _To hell with this… I'm waiting for the sun to go down._ It didn't take long for her stomach to add to her misery.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For what seemed the longest time, Shinji simply refused to let the beach out of his sight. He just couldn't believe she would leave him here to die like this. In fact, it wasn't until the sun had set firmly behind the horizon did Shinji finally lose hope for her return. At a complete loss at what it was he should do, a deep rumbling from his abdomen made his mind up for him. _I guess… I better go find some food… _

Head hung low, staring just ahead of his feet, Shinji headed out toward where he prayed to whatever deity would listen, Misato's apartment building was suppose to be. _If by some miracle it's still standing, _he thought, _I might have a chance… damn, I wonder how far it is from here…_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sun was down, finally, putting an end to Asuka's fitful rest. For her, the day was excruciatingly long and especially grueling. Sitting in the shade, which had provided little in relief to the heat and humidity, left her body depleted, and on the verge of collapse. At the bear minimum, she needed water, and she needed it fast. Stumbling away from the rubble that had once been her shelter, she almost clumsily made her way towards the outskirts of the city.

It didn't look like much, in fact it looked as though it might collapse at any second, but it was obvious that the small building merely a hundred yards away had once been a convenience store. Though, after endless hours of walking through the ruined city, it was more of a godsend.

Along the way, Asuka had depressurized her plug suit, tying the arms of it around her waist, finally allowing the suffocating heat that encased her body to escape into the significantly cooler night air. It wasn't exactly one of her finest moments, as the heat had finally broken her down, the whole incident taking place at a maddening, desperate pace. The pure ecstasy of the resulting release of heat had left her in a near orgasmic state for several moments as the wind gently blew over her exposed torso, pleasantly cooling the sweat that clung to her body. The nearly full moon bathed her pale chest in a light glow, the innumerable scars crisscrossing her body providing a stark reminder of the not so distant past. Normally such a display would have disgusted her, the thought caused her to pause, but, she had realized, she didn't exactly care at the moment.

Breaching the threshold, the sight of the interior gave her pause. The sight of isle, upon isle of cheap foodstuffs, and refreshments sent her spirits soaring. She quickly sprinted to the far wall, tearing open one of the cooler doors practically off of its hinges, she grabbed the biggest water bottle within reach. Relieving the bottle of its cap, Asuka immediately downed half of the bottle.

At first the feeling of the relatively cool water working its way down her throat, and into her stomach was pleasing, and in her fervor she kept drinking as quickly as her need for oxygen would allow her. That is, until a wave of dizziness, accompanied with a touch of nausea hit her full force. Lowering herself down to the debris strewn tiles, she almost immediately began to retch, spewing forth the water as well as a healthy amount of stomach acid out onto the floor. The feelings of relief dramatically, and immediately flip flopped. _Ugh… I feel like shit… guess I was taking it a lil too fast…_ swiping an arm over her mouth, she took a swig of water, swishing it around in her mouth before spitting in out onto the floor to rid her mouth of the acrid taste. For the next twenty minutes or so, she stayed on the floor, basking in the cool feel the tile had upon her bare skin, taking substantially smaller sips of the bottle of water.

Getting to her feet, Asuka grabbed another, smaller bottle of water, and started wandering around the small shop. As she turned the corner to head down the next isle, her injured arm inadvertently bumped a wire rack display. The lightning bolt of pain caused her to yelp, as well as jerk her arm to her chest. It was then that she noticed a thin red line running the length of the filthy bandage, which slowly started to widen._ "_Oh hell…"

Asuka's hand was shaking against her will, as she gingerly unwound the bandage encompassing her arm. Down to the final layer of gauze, she hesitated as she realized that peeling this layer off would hurt… a lot. Several deep breathes later, the gauze began to peel away, forcefully tearing the clotting blood from the wound. _Jesus…_ she thought; _that's a lot of blood._ Using her water bottle, Asuka rinsed away the blood before following it up with generous dousing from a cheap bottle of whiskey, which had helped slightly with the pain just prior to its use as an anti-septic, albeit burning her throat, and almost causing her stomach to rebel once more. Several emergency first aid kits found on a nearby shelf provided the needed materials to rewrap her arm. She openly wept as the horrifying injury slowly left her sight.

Finished, and exhausted, a brief look out the shattered front window told her that the sun, once again, was beginning to rise.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As the sun rose, the increasing intensity of the light had forced Shinji to squint his eyes to see the path before him. The night's long had walk drained him of his energy, his legs felt like he was pulling lead weights attached at the ankles. A wave of relief washed over his features, as he made out the sun-bathed outline of the apartment building, though he could tell it did not go untouched by the devastation. Nearly half of the structure had collapsed in upon itself, yet miraculously the corner in which the residence in question resided in was left seemingly untouched.

Picking his way through the debris, he could make out the main staircase adjacent to the elevators. _ Soon, _he told himself; _not too much farther, and I can rest. Just gotta keep moving…_

As Shinji made his ascent, his normally blue t-shirt, black with sweat, and his white button-down likewise soaked through, he tried to ignore the burning in his legs. It was very nearly to the point where he was becoming dizzy from the effort, his exhaustion reaching its peak, threatening to render him unconscious. Crawling the last few steps, Shinji finally made it to the appropriate floor, and collapsed, sweat creating an outline of his body on the dusty concrete. Absently turning his head to the right, he could make out the door to the apartment._ I… I made it… oh this feels good, I think I'll lie here a bit longer… just a lil while longer…_ with that, he faded quickly from the conscious realm, into the deep, dreamless sleep that his body so desperately required.

Around mid-afternoon, the sun finally breached the low concrete wall which lined the walkway, allowing the light, and heat to assault Shinji's body directly. Waking slowly, his body stiff, and still incredibly tired, Shinji cracked open his eyes only to shut them soon after, when the sun tried to burn his retinas out of his skull. The events prior to his collapse came back to him as he half crawled, half dragged himself back towards the shade. The relative coolness of the shade felt good, until his still drenched clothing made it uncomfortably cold. Gathering his waning strength, he rose slowly to his knees, then on increasingly shaky legs, got his feet under him. After a few steps, he was back in the swing of things, slowly approaching the pneumatic door knocked slightly ajar by the combined effort of the shockwave, and the building itself during it's partial collapse. Luckily for Shinji, the door itself was constructed from a lightweight, yet very durable, aluminum alloy which allowed, even in his condition, him to push it aside with only moderate effort.

Beams of sunlight streamed into the apartment through the windows, and the now half-open door, highlighting the dust particles that floated lazily through the air. Much of the contents within were strewn about the place in relative chaos. Passing through the narrow threshold, Shinji made his way into the kitchen without bothering to remove his shoes. The refrigerator door had apparently swung open at some point, causing a large contingent of adult beverages to spill out onto the floor. A couple cans had burst upon contact with the tile, resulting in an interesting spray pattern, long dried, on the walls, as well as a few remaining puddles. The resulting stench was overbearing for the young man. Any other time, he might have retched, however the lack of food in his gut seemed to remedy him of that. On his way past he grabbed two warm bottles of water, and made his way over to couch where he unceremoniously collapsed onto the couch. To tired to think, he downed a bottle and a half of water, before allowing his consciousness to slip away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When Asuka awoke, she was freezing. This was something that confused her, especially considering the fact that it was just past midday. With the realization that it was probably a fever, the room suddenly felt a bit colder. The reason she had a fever, however, made her shudder. _Fever… infection?…I..I need antibiotics… or I'll…Scheiße. _It only took a glance at her shoulder to confirm her fears, the red streaks that seemed so much like the bloody fingers of death himself, reaching out for the shattered remnants of her soul. Dismissing her thoughts, she set about scrounging for a meal.

The lack of power reduced her options quite effectively. She was forced to eat out of cans that she managed to pry open with a cheap pocket knife displayed by the cash register, supplemented by a couple of candy bars. It was a good meal, all things considered. The former proprietor, apparently a male, was kind enough, regardless of not having a choice, to leave behind a set of clothes drenched in LCL. The pants, not being of proper size, were unfortunately not an option, but the light blue button down would work nicely, and, by the look of things, had already dried out on the makeshift clothesline.

By the time Asuka finished buttoning her new shirt, she most decidedly felt downright miserable. The fever having apparently intensified, her need for medication doing likewise. Gathering her strength, Asuka made a quick pass over the store gathering temporary supplies, placing them in a backpack she found behind the counter that had once held college books, and papers. Mr. Tamesake, the man whose shirt she now wore, wouldn't be working on his thesis anytime soon anyways.

Coughing, as she walks out of the store, a street sign catches her eye. _233rd and Osaka… so that's where I am._ Now having her bearings, Asuka points herself in a westerly direction, and begins walking, backpack slung haphazardly across her back.

It is by no means easy to hike while stricken with a fever, let alone much of anything. This fact made itself vividly apparent after the equivalent of a city block. Every joint in her body was aching, her head throbbing, and her body felt like a giant lead weight, yet she endured and continued on. By the third mile, her skin looked pale, shirt soaked in a cold sweat, and she no longer walked a straight line. It is a testament to her determination, that she had made it this far, let alone any further, yet it is beginning to wane. Desperate frustration has already begun to set in. Her footsteps start to slow, likewise getting smaller by the step. Finally coming to a stop, she slumps to her knees.

"It's hopeless…" she whispers to herself; "I'll die before I find a pharmacy… if there's even one still standing." She takes a deep, shuddering breathe, and wipes the sweat from her brow. _So tired… _Her head hangs, and she allows herself to close her un-bandaged eye. Her thoughts begin to drift away, waiting for the warm embrace of unconsciousness. Something in her mind registers the fact that her backpack just hit the ground beside her, and that's good… it might make a decent pillow.

'_Come die with me…' _

_mama? _

'_Come die with me Asuka… lets die together'_

_I don't wanna die…_

'_You know you want to.'_

"NO!" Asuka's eyes shoot open, as she screams out the word. The sudden rush of light momentarily blinding her, as she nearly jumps to her feet, snatching the backpack on the way up. "I'm not gonna die. Not here, not now." Her voice grew quiet, as she finished the last half of her pledge. With new found determination, Asuka sets out with only one goal in mind… survival.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shinji awoke with a start, the nightmares, or flashbacks (whichever you prefer), which plagued his dreams had robbed him of precious sleep. This was the first time since his momentary godhood that it had happened, it wouldn't be the last, not by a long shot. His bloodshot, and half lidded eyes scanned his immediate surroundings, eyeing the remains of one of his water bottles he clasped onto it. The room temperature water relieved him of his parched mouth, yet reminded him of his empty stomach.

Rising slowly from his seat, Shinji walked into the putrid kitchen. Wrinkling his nose up in disgust, he set about searching the cupboards for some semblance of food.

As he finished his meal, thoughts of Asuka started to creep into his head. Shinji couldn't help but worry for her, his last memory of her not exactly reassuring. As if on autopilot, he began straightening up the kitchen, while his mind relentlessly fretted over the second child's welfare. Vicious scenarios played through his consciousness, depicting her in varying states of distress. Needless to say, it didn't much help with his already shattered nerves.

The kitchen now clean, he still didn't know exactly why he cleaned it, Shinji moved to his spartan bedroom. Picking a clean school uniform from his closet, he began changing his clothes. He noticed midway, that his hands were involuntarily shaking. Holding his right hand level with his eyes, he examined it silently in detached wonder. His ragged breaths sounded loud in his ears, growing to a climax, then as if the microphone was unplugged, silence abruptly and irrevocably ended the spectacle. A moment later, his mind registered that his hand had indeed stopped shaking. Flexing it a few times in silent wonder, he finished getting dressed.

Walking out of his room, a harsh flash of sunlight filtering in from the shades hit his eyes. No sooner had he walked out of the light, he was back inside his evangelion. A giant ethereal Rei seemed to engulf his entire view screen, it's head down. His shocked mind detachedly realized that he was screaming. He knew exactly what was going to happen next, and it frightened him more. The ghostly white head in front of him suddenly jerked up, revealing the two glowing eyes. Shinji's throat hurt from the screaming. He panicked, as Rei attempted to grasp his eva. He ran. Unfortunately for Shinji, he wasn't getting anywhere, that is until he ran harder, and lost his feet for the effort. The sensation of falling caught him off guard, of course the hard smack of his head against something he couldn't see didn't help.

Everything went dark. For a fleeting moment, he thought he was dead. That is until the tingling sensation of a limb without proper blood circulation made itself painfully apparent, it had been that way for awhile, and his elbow hurt to bend it. Opening his eyes, Shinji realized he was splayed out, half on and half off the couch, his head against the floor, and left arm pinned beneath his chest. Shinji groggily rose to his feet, all the while flexing the pain from his elbow._ Flashback…_ he realized, _great. _The significant lack of light, he realized, meant that he had been out for awhile. _Asuka…_

He mind set, and Moving swiftly, he strided back into his room, grabbing his bag. It was still partially packed from when he had last ran away, so he only threw in a couple extra pairs of clothes, his SDAT, spare batteries, and what food and water he could fit. After a longing look at his cello, Shinji walked out into the twilight. He would find Asuka, this he was sure of. As far as what happened after that… well at the moment he could care less. He is a man with a mission, and it is what gives him purpose. For the first time in his short life, he is truly determined, driven.

Author's note: Wow, the first chapter is finally done. It took awhile, but in this Iraqi mud pit, I have plenty of time for writing… and playing countless hours of solitaire. Anyways, please review, I'd love your feedback. I already know where I want to take this, and it's going to be a daunting task to get it there. Never fear, however, It will be finished. Hopefully before I return to the states. Thanks for reading!

Rob

_P.S. Hooray for me I got promoted!_

21 April: Well, hope that is a lil better… I noticed I didn't have very many repeat customers, please keep reading it gets better… I promise. Oh, and you may have noticed the time between the dates was rather long… I was on vacation, and damn it, this story didn't even cross my mind. Oh well.


	2. Just like you imagined Please pt:1

-1Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, but I do have a bunch of three dollar hadji movies… just FYI, their cigs are awful.

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

Chapter Two: Just like you Imagined/ Please

Part 1: Shinji Ikari

This is how it begins.

You push it away but it all comes back again.

All the flesh, all the sin…

There was a time when it used to mean just about everything… just like now.

Please, echoing the sound, time starts slowing down, sink until I drown.

I don't ever wanna make it stop.

And it keeps repeating, will you please complete me?

Never be enough, to fill me up.

- Lyrics by Trent Reznor

The coffee splattered across the floor was scalding to the touch. Something within Shinji's mind registered the jolting pain in his shoulder, followed by the intense, wet heat soaking into his shirt, cooling only ever so slightly. These sensations were not at the forefront of his thoughts however.

Rejection.

"Pathetic." The voice quiet, a whisper seething with contempt.

Rejection. Hatred. Contempt. No help or love would come from this person, despite the hopes, wishes, dreams, and selfish, desperate needs. The only option left, however unsavory, is to beg. It doesn't matter who.

Past caring, and broken, Shinji drags himself up off up the floor slowly. His head and arms hanging, as if they were attached to strings. "Help me." His voice dead, a helpless whisper. "Somebody… please… Help me."

Sitting now, his voice momentarily grows stronger. "Help me."

Desperation. She stands there impassive, uncaring. Seemingly oblivious to his cries for help, staring at him.

"Somebody…" He stumbles upon his feet, and grasps the table to avoid falling. "Please help me."

Desperate frustration. Shinji throws his body weight into the table, picking it up at the corner, his voice rising. "Somebody please help me!" He flings the table into the wall. Grabbing a chair, he swings it over his head as he yells to the impassive women before him. "Don't leave me alone!" The chair crashes against the floor, and he grabs another as his voice cracks. "Don't abandon me! Please don't kill me!" The second chair smashes to the floor at the redhead's feet. She continues to stare silently after his outburst. Shinji now stands, breathing heavily, with his head, and shoulders hung low.

"No."

Rage. Blinding, white hot, all-encompassing, primal, godless rage. Nothing else matters, the fury insatiable. No consequence is too great, she must pay. She will pay for her heartless indifference. Wide-eyed, and seething, Shinji lunges out quickly for her neck. Her shock results in her being caught. She will die. She must die, there is no other option. A cold, inhuman delight trickles down his spine, as he feels the soft cartilage of her throat collapse under the pressure. He almost laughs at her helplessness, lifted up off the floor by his hands.

Subtly, the scene shifts, and he is on top of her, his grip not as tight, but slowly increasing. The sound of waves rolling over the beach reach his ears, the sand grinding into his knees beneath the slacks of his old school uniform. No matter, she will still pay for her arrogance.

Warmth… Confusion... Acceptance. A bandaged hand caresses his cheek. Asuka. What does this mean? Why is she doing this now, after everything, why now? The burning rage dissipates quickly, like a fog exposed to the blazing sun. Confusion. Tears.

"Shinji." The voice comes through faintly, a slight echo. Asuka? No… "Shinji, wake up." Louder, stronger. The peripheries begin to fade. The feelings of helplessness, and confusion do likewise. Asuka blurs, and becomes transparent. "Shinji." The sounds of the dreaded beach collapse in upon themselves, seem to reach a focal point, and suddenly…

Light. The dawning of consciousness. Groggy, but quintessentially alert. Shinji's eyes snap open to find a hand clasped to his shoulder. Following up the arm, his confused mind registers a thinly clothed pair of breasts within a foot's distance of his face. A pleasant thing to wake up to, sure, but who… He grimaced.

"Ming." He said, his voice deadpan. "Morning."

"Well." She replied haughtily, standing; "Good morning to you too, sleepyhead. You've been out for awhile." She didn't face him as she spoke, moving towards the window, gazing intently at the scene before her, ignoring Shinji's grunts, yawns, and scratching.

"Oh well." he said indifferently, stretching the creaks out of his back. The sun was weakly shining in through the window, silhouetting Ming in a halo of light. Beautiful. His face broke into a thin smile, partially hidden by the untrimmed beard of a young man. He padded over bear-foot, and gently wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin upon her shoulder. "What ya lookin' at?" Shinji could feel her smile, as they both began to sway to unheard music. All was truly right with the world, and Shinji smiled to himself.

After a moment, the two stopped their swaying, and Ming turned about in the embrace, and faced Shinji. "Bad dream last night?" Shinji stopped smiling.

"Yea… I didn't wake you up again did I?" he replied quietly, sounding tired. The old hurt briefly coming back to him.

"No." she lied. "Wanna talk about it?" she asked softly, as had become their routine for the last year. He would spent most of the nights tossing violently, sweating, sometimes screaming during the more intense nightmares. In the morning, sometimes he would talk to her about it, sometimes she would talk about hers. It obviously helped, he would visibly relax during their 'sessions' as she had begun to call them. Shinji was always vague about the details, but Ming was by no means ignorant. She had already guessed his former occupation. She was also no stranger to pain, the dreams reminded her of that, the scars made it obvious. Strange, that it was the dreams that had brought them together. Vastly different in their content, yet similar in their impact.

"Nah… It was about Asuka again." He couldn't see her frown, his forehead resting comfortably upon her shoulder.

"You know, Normally I would be insulted if my boyfriend was dreaming about another girl." she said with a bit of humor to her voice, dragging her fingertips gently along his forehead, brushing some of his long hair back away from the side of his face, prompting him to raise his head to look at her. His tired, haunted eyes smiled into hers.

"Well, It was a nightmare." his lips matched his eyes in their smile. "Besides, that was six years ago, and I wouldn't give you up for the world." _what's left of it, anyways… _he didn't add. Her quick smile at his words warmed his heart, but after a kiss to his forehead, she departed from the embrace. He immediately felt the loss of heat, the cold concrete surroundings didn't help much, either. He watched her walk over to the sleeping mat, and start to dress… The same clothes she wore when they had first met, in that abandoned building outside of Hong Kong. Oh, how beautiful she looked in the firelight. That had been his first pleasant experience in close to five years. The chaotic fighting on the Japanese mainland had made his life a living hell. Which, at the time, when he was still searching for Asuka, was extremely hard to accomplish, considering his experience. The factions, fighting ruthlessly over land, and supplies… madness. Shinji could still smell the bodies left bloated and rotting in the sun. Somehow, smelling them was worse than seeing, but he would still check them -what was left of them- just in case they might have been her. It was an unwelcome experience, permanently seared into his memory. It seemed like decades ago, since he last cried himself asleep, at his inability to find her. The only sign he had found was a piece of her plug suit in an old convenience store, the rest, outside Tokyo-3. He couldn't remember when he actually stopped looking, it just… happened.

Ming looked over her shoulder as she pulled on the red jacket, and smiled. He was watching again, obviously lost in thought, but it was something she enjoyed regardless. Their eyes met, and he matched her smile. It would be a long, but enjoyable morning.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Fires burned brightly from barrels set out in the debris-strewn street, some had people in ragged, and worn clothing fighting off the chill that still hung in the air. Refugees from third impact. Of course the entire remaining population could fit neatly into that same category, but what's the use of trying to label those who were strong enough to escape the collective prison of humanity. Some wandered aimlessly, walking the earth lost, until they found something worth stopping for… or dying for, whether they liked it or not. The concept of nations, and nationalities no longer existed, short of the factions of wannabe nations which as a whole, had accomplished little more than further diminishing the already decimated population. Such was the state of the world following the apocalypse, and it showed little signs of improving.

The squeal of old hinges, and the crash of metal meeting concrete echo briefly through the concrete canyon of destroyed buildings, as two figures join the scattered masses of humanity.

"How far you think we can get today?" asked Ming, as she readjusted the strap of her backpack.

"Good question, I guess we'll find out." Shinji replied with a smile, lowering the old pair of sunglasses over his eyes. "Maybe we'll find that house today, but I told you, I don't want to be too close to a city." That had been the topic of their recent talks, to finally find a house somewhere, where they could live together peacefully. No more constant moving, walking aimlessly through the countryside, and destroyed, sometimes dangerous cities. Ming had argued with him about the availability of supplies abundant in the urban areas, but had finally relented after having witnessed the unfortunate end of an unknown person, mercilessly murdered in cold blood on the streets of Beijing.

"You think so? About the house, I mean" Ming asked, excitedly. She was anxious to finally get settled. Ever since third impact, she has been living out of a bag, more or less, besides the whole house thing was her idea to begin with. She already had a mental image of what their house would look like. She had spent many an hour mentally decorating, and stocking the house of their dreams. Now, if only the real thing could live up to her expectations. Before third impact, she had started working as a secretary for a politburo member, and had been living out of a shared flat. The life as a female in the formerly communist land did not exactly provide the nicer things in life. Now, free of the oppressive government of her youth, that would change.

"Maybe," he said, throwing an arm around her, as they both walked down the middle of the sun-speckled road. "Like I said, I guess we'll find out." Her smile was bright enough to rival the sun, and he could feel the warmth. Behind them, a man in ragged clothes nudged his buddy warming his hands near a fire-barrel, and pointed. Their smiles were a bit different.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sometime after Midday, the two stopped for a quick bite to eat beneath the remnants of an old tree. It would have been infinitely better, had the tree still been alive to shade them, but, they figured, it was better than nothing, and their legs needed the rest.

"Well…" said Shinji as he put the map away; "There's a town about five kilometers from here, we should hit that before night fall. Try and re-stock in the morning. Sound good?"

"Yep! One problem though…" Ming said, saddling up next to Shinji.

"Oh? And what's that?" he asked, eyebrow raised.

"I think we're in Russia now, so don't be surprised if we run into someone we can't understand."

"Great. Well maybe there'll be some Chinese there, I still wont be able to understand them but al least you will."

"You mean you forgot everything I've taught you already?" she asked in her native Mandarin, with a smirk that was hard, even for Shinji, to read.

"Sorry." he replied in Japanese with a similar look on his face

"Humph… You'll learn, dummy, or else." she said hitting him playfully on the arm. "So what's for lunch?" He had dragged over his backpack, and was rifling through it, as she watched. By the food cans, a dull metal barrel stuck out. Shinji grabbed two small cans.

"Lets see… well, we got peaches, and ravioli… You pick." he said, holding each can up in his hands, as if to examine them. After a moment's consideration, she pointed to the peaches, and he opened thee can for her with the multi-tool he had found the other day. After picking up his lunch, his hand paused, something didn't feel right.

"What's wrong, don't like ravioli?" she asked with a smirk, taking one of the sliced peaches into her mouth. He didn't respond, instead, he rose to his feet and walked off a few feet, scanning the surrounding brush, and horizon. Unnerved, Ming cautiously followed, when she placed her hand upon his shoulder, he jumped slightly. "What is it?" After a few moments, Shinji, still unsure about what it was he was looking for, gave in.

"I don't know…" he said, turning around, and placing his hands on her hips. "Probably nothing. Come on, lets eat." his reassuring smile somehow seemed weak to her. Still, he took her hand, and led her back to the tree, and they both sat down to eat a meal that should have tasted better.

"That was close…" the whisper hoarse, and low, hidden deep in the brush.

"Eh, we weren't making any noise, probably just paranoid… can't blame 'em" the voice replied with a hint of amusement. "Lets go..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The town was quiet. The only moving thing on it's streets was the dust, trash blown by the wind, and two weary travelers. The dimming light of the day added to the somewhat eerie atmosphere, and the air had the smell of an impending rain. The settlement wasn't exactly big, maybe a couple of thousand people had called it home prior to third impact, and it looked as though none had returned. The pavement making up the sidewalks was severely pot-marked, grass growing wild between the cracks. The streets were no better.

"Looks deserted." was Ming's observation when they reached the middle of town.

"Yea…" he said slowly, taking in the scenery, when he had an idea; "See a house you like?" Shinji replied with a light smile. It took a moment, but he could almost see the energy suddenly lighting up within her eyes, sloughing off the fatigue within an instant, when the meaning behind his words was realized. She was almost like a different person than from when they were walking earlier.

"Y… You're sure?" she asked hopefully, biting her lip.

A nod. "Yep, are you?"

At this, the only answer he received was a smile. Then she walked up to him, hands clasped to the front, and kissed him. Finally, after months of wandering the continent together, they would have a home they could both call their own. The night they had both been dreaming of finally coming to life.

"I want it to be a surprise." he said softly, between quick kisses. "Go pick out your favorite place, and I'll try to find something 'round here for dinner." he jerked his head toward the general store behind him, to indicate where. "And…" he continued, wrapping his arms about her, and squeezing gently. "I guess we'll go from there."

"Okay" the shock of it all had finally set in, as she looked up at him. This was it. They kissed, separating at the same time, though it was done slowly, ending at the fingertips. She walked backwards, still facing Shinji, for a few steps with a soft smile upon her face, before turning around and heading off. Shinji stood in place for the few minutes it took for her to leave his sight. Satisfied with himself, he headed into the store to find something special.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It had been almost two hours since she had last seen Shinji, the sun had already set firmly behind the horizon, and no stars were visible. It was dark, everything was black, seemingly lost in a sea of nothingness. Aside from the small cone of illumination provided by her flashlight, Ming was essentially blind. Thankfully though, the house that she had found was almost perfect. Not too big, but definitely not too small. Perhaps, she thought with a smile, the extra rooms would be filled one day. But that was for another day, Now, she had to find Shinji. The shadow of the building he had indicated was just ahead. She couldn't help but smile as she came upon it.

"Ouch!" she cried out, as she felt her shin crash into something. She shined her flashlight down, only to find a shopping cart, half filled with cans and a couple of bags. Now, she couldn't help but frown. Where was Shinji? Did he go looking for her?

"Shinji?" she called out, shining her light through some of the store windows. "Shinji, are you in there?" Silence answered. _Now what…_ she thought with a mental sigh, and a small huff of breath. Ming clicked off her flashlight, to save the battery's' power, and sat down on the curb. _Might as well wait for him_. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the night, the faint shadow of the cart, and her surroundings were becoming visible. The human eye, especially at night, trains in on movement by instinct. Then again, one's imagination also begins to work overtime during periods of little to no sensory input, such as during the night.

Ming's eye caught a shadow moving swiftly along the other side of the street. Imagination, or something else? After a moment, she stood, and clicked her light back on in the direction of the shadow. She suddenly jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Well, hello there." a voice, unrecognizable, behind her. She was frozen to the spot, the flashlight fell from her grip, rattling noisily on the ground. Thoughts flashed through her head at the speed of light, instinct took over. Fight or flight. It started in her waist, twisting briefly back, coiling like a spring, and released. The back of her left hand flew across her body, dragged by the shoulder towards the origin of the voice. The hard smack of flesh on flesh, and the stinging in her left fist told her that he was hit in the face. The force of her hit had spun her around, and she now faced the assailant. For good measure, she kicked the man in the chest before he could rise. She grabbed the flashlight, and ran, yelling Shinji's name along the way. She made it fifty meters.

"Ming!" followed by a quick cough. "…Wait!" Once again, she froze. It was coming from behind her.

_Shinji? …oops_ She walked sheepishly back, rather embarrassed by having mistakenly assaulted him. They met halfway. In the dim light provided by the flashlight, she could see Shinji holding his jaw, and stomach. "Shinji, you scared the hell outta me!" perhaps, she thought, feigned anger would be appropriate. He snuck up on her, after all…

"Sorry… My batteries died in my flashlight"

"Okay, sorry bout hitting you so hard. Are you all right?"

"Fine." he said with a hint of sarcasm, rubbing his jaw. "You find a place?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was a fifteen minute walk from the store. Shinji followed Ming with the shopping cart, its constant rattling was the only thing to break the silence of the night. His jaw still hurt from where she had hit him, and he was pretty sure a bruise was forming where her foot had impacted his ribs. No, things don't always go according to plan. When she stopped, so did he. He left the cart to stand beside her, and for a few moments they both stared at the abandoned house that would be their home. The single story building looked nice. Surprising, given the area. A large porch framed the doorway, complete with a swinging bench seat. The small light they had showed little, but it showed enough. As one, they smiled.

"Lets go inside." Ming excitedly, grabbing a couple of bags from the cart.

"Yea…" agreed Shinji, unsure of what else to say.

Directly through the doorway, and slightly off to the right was the dining room. It's center piece was a large oak table which took up most of the room, an old oil lamp in it's center. A medium sized sitting room was to the left, large windows adorning it's walls, comfortable looking couches beneath them. The kitchen apparently was in the next room, separated by a door-less frame. Having set her load upon the table, Ming lit the lamp with a match. The low light illuminated the room in a kind of soft warmth, and she turn off the flashlight. Shinji set his bags down, and took in the scene. It was rustic, but for lack of better words, perfect. Home.

"What do you think?" asked Ming to Shinji's back, biting her bottom lip in anticipation, her voice hopeful and uncertain. After a moment. He turned around, his smile as bright as the sun.

"It's perfect!" he said, as he ran to her, taking her up in his arms. They both laughed, as he spun them around in circles. He stopped in the center of the room, and looked into her eyes. "It's perfect. It's our home. Thank you so much." His voice was as soft as silk, his deep blue eyes likewise, for once, shining with life. Her eyes were glittering with moisture, reflecting the light from the oil lamp. They kissed.

"Come on.." She whispered, leading him from the dining room by the hand. She gave him the tour of the house. At the multiple spare bedrooms, no words were needed, only smiles. After an hour, Shinji prepared their first meal in their new house. It was a simple affair, considering the late start, but he did want it to be special. And special it was, of course even Misato's curry probably would have been considered special, given the circumstances.

Shinji had found dozens of candles, and placed them all over the dining room, and nearby sitting room. The atmosphere they created seemed almost holy, sacrosanct. The meal was silent, neither said much as they ate, each gazing at the other from across the table, their faces softly lit by the candle light. Finished, they left everything on the table, and retreated to the sitting room, where they sat on the floor, Shinji's back against the couch, with Ming between his legs leaning up against him. It was then he began to hum an old jazz tune he had heard a long time ago. Fly me to the moon. Somewhere along the line, he voiced some of the lyrics, causing Ming to look up to him.

"In other words…" he sang softly, to the best of his ability, mouthing the rest. From his pants pocket he produced a small box, and with both hands, placed it in hers. Ming's mouth opened, and closed slowly in shock.

"Where did you get this?" she finally asked.

"That." he said with a kiss, "Is not important." After opening the box for her, he continued. "What is important, is your answer." None was needed, her actions provided the answer. For the first time in Shinji Ikari's life, He made love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The morning came to quickly for each of them, and they lingered within their new bed for most of the morning. Sometime during the night, the rains came, and the light, rhythmic pounding on the roof had lulled them to sleep, after they had exhausted themselves for the last time. Ming had opened her eyes first, content to watch Shinji sleep, still amazed by the previous evening. Things finally seemed to be going right, and she couldn't help but smile. Ming kissed him sweetly atop his forehead, causing him to stir. Groggily, he bid her good morning.

'Morning, sunshine." they kissed through their mutual smiles. "I'm gonna grab something for us to eat, I'll be right back."

"Okay, don't take too long." said Shinji, already drifting back off into sleep. She slide out of the bed, taking a long look at him before heading out into the hallway. She walked passed the two extra bedrooms, causing her to smile once more, and glance back towards the room she had just left. before turning the corner towards the kitchen, a black blur came around the corner quickly, her only reaction was the sharp intake of breath denoting surprise, and a sudden halt. Whatever, whoever, it was, didn't stop. He roughly threw his hand over her mouth, and pulled Ming tightly up against him. He glanced back towards something, and jerked his head. Within moments, another man appeared beside the first.

"Take her into the other room" the second hissed at Ming's captor, who nodded.

_Shinji!_ the sudden sinking feeling in Ming's stomach quickly transforming into fear, and dread. She bit down on the hand of her attacker, causing him to cry out, and jerk his hand from her mouth.

"Shinji! Help Me!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Shin--" Her words cut off by a vicious right hook across the jaw, knocking her unconscious. Down the hall, Shinji was jolted awake by the screams, thoughts moving a million miles an hour. Practically leaping out of bed, his eyes frantically scanned the room, searching for his bag.

_Gun. Find the gun. God damn it, where's my fucking bag! Oh Christ, oh God, oh God, oh… There! _Shinji lunged for the already opened bag, grasping the pistol and pulling it out. He had heard the rapid thumping sound of someone running down the hall. The adrenaline had his hands shaking, as he stood up he quickly traversed the distance to the door, but before he reached the handle, it exploded inwards, knocking him roughly to the ground. Standing like a colossus in the door frame, was the reason for his sudden, yet barely felt, pain. Wide eyed, and in shock, Shinji saw the flash, felt his shoulder jerk back, as if he had been punched… hard. He somehow felt disconnected, like he was watching this happen through someone else's eyes. He looked down, to find blood pouring out onto his unclothed torso from the angry looking wound in his shoulder.

_Blood. He.. he shot me. …Ming._ His head lolled back, lightly hitting the wall, and he looked dazedly at the man who had shot him, who was now walking forwards, his gun pointed down, towards the floor. Something was beneath his leg… that something was also in his right hand. The gun. Shinji pulled out the gun, and pulled the trigger. The sound seemed louder than it should have. Miss, wide right._ Damn. Position target in the center, pull the_ Blam! The gun fell to the floor. All was silent, aside from the heavy breathing… of the man standing over Shinji.

"Fuck…" He let out a heavy sigh. "That. Was close." After spitting on the body at his feet, he walked out of the room to join his partner.

"Fang, you ok?"

"Yea, bastard missed me. Couldn't believe it." He gestured to the floor with his pistol; "She dead?"

"No, just knocked out" He grinned. "She not gonna like what I got planned for her… then again, she might." Fang looked disgusted, already knowing what it was that Qain had planned. He didn't care.

"Christ, Qain… well be quick about it, I'll be outside." Fang said, grabbing up the stolen bags full of supplies, and leaving.

"With pleasure."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Screaming. The sharp sound of a fully forced slap. Grunts, and laughs of pleasure. More screaming, sometimes crying. Pain. Lots of pain. Shinji didn't know which it was that had snapped him awake, but he did know that he was alive. The pain reminded him of that. Tired. Sleepy.

_No… Ming…please…. Please be okay. _The wooden floor beneath him was slick with his pooled blood. Horror. Assault. Murder. Bloody, horrible murder. The .45 was just out of his reach. Tired. So tired. _No! Must… do something. Anything. Oh God, why? …h…help me. _

"Shinji! Oh God, Shinji Help me please!" her voice, sobbing, pleading… So far away, and so utterly helpless. "Please… Stop… Oh God, please… Please stop!" Torture… Rape. Another slap… silence, horrible, deadly silence. Somehow the silence was worse than the screaming.

Fingers clawing at the slippery floor, Shinji's one operable arm struggled mightily for some form of grip, his own blood betraying him. After what seemed an eternity, his fingers closed around the handgun. _Please god… help… me. Somebody please… _Using his elbow, he finally got a piece of dry ground, and began dragging his body out into the hall. It was slow, maddening, he wanted to sprint in there to save Ming, but he just didn't have the strength. A long streak of smeared crimson stained the floor, marking his progress. It looked like a slaughterhouse floor. Finally he rounded the corner, and could see. _Oh… God…_

The small kitchen table had been tossed out of the way, leaned on its side, against the cabinet wall. Rope was tied off of the center pole, which at it's end the table legs sprouted outwards. Shinji's eyes followed the rope down from the table to the clenched hands, and bloodied wrists. Numb, oh God, he felt so numb, his eyes quickly taking in the scene. _There._ he thought, as he saw the man standing over Ming, re-buckling his pants' belt. He was facing her, paying no mind to his surroundings. With his hand shaking slightly from the effort, Shinji raised the seemingly massive .45, and positioned the bastard in the center of his sights. He would not, can not miss this time. Pulling back on the trigger, he could feel the tension spring about to let go. Ming screamed. Blam! Confusion. Shinji squeezed anyways, Blam! The target fell to the ground, but he was screaming._ I only shot once…. _Realization quickly dawned on him, the sudden sinking feeling, spiraling downwards. With mad determination, he dragged himself into the room as quickly, as his adrenaline pumped, but badly injured body would allow. So much blood. The walls were splattered with it, the floor was pooled in it.

The bullet had gone through the small of the back, blowing a gaping hole through the front of the abdomen. Blood, and entrails from Shinji's shot were everywhere, but the man was somehow still alive, writhing, screaming, and clutching at his exposed innards. Once beside him, Shinji met his eye, and put another hole through his head. _Too late…_ his mind kept telling him, _I was too late…_ Qain's shot, only a split second before Shinji's, had caught Ming in the chest. Deep, dark crimson pooled there, and spilt over the sides. He pulled himself up to her.

"Ming." his voice was strained, yet determined. "Ming! Please, Ming, answer me." He untied her wrists, and put her head in the crook of his elbow, holding it close. _ Oh God, I was too late…_

It sounded like a canon, but the unmistakable racking sound identified it as a shotgun. Shortly thereafter, the slam of the front door echoed through the house, and footsteps quickly followed. They kept getting closer, finally slowing down as they neared the kitchen, and then stopped altogether.

"Sweet… Jesus…" an old voice. Russian, but Shinji didn't have to comprehend the words, he understood their meaning simply by the tone of voice. "Svetlana! Bring my pack! Now!"

_Too…. _Sleepy. _Late… _Darkness.

A/N: Longest Chapter I've ever put out. Not saying much, but hooray for me regardless. I must, however, apologize for the delay…. and the cliffhanger. We've had some, uh, issues, and I haven't been writing to much up until the last few days. Of course, it didn't help when my computer crashed… literally… to the ground. New HD anyone? So I had to start from scratch, which ended up with me choosing this path instead. It seemed to write itself, I like that ;) New chap is already started, shouldn't take too long… unless I go on mid-tour leave first. Thanks go out to my reviewers, past/present tense was never my strongest point. Anyways, and as always, thanks for reading!

Rob

26 March: So far this is still my favorite chapter. The mistakes in this one were far fewer than in the first, so not much was changed.


	3. Just like you imagined Please pt:2

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. If I did, I sure as hell wouldn't be in the army.

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

Chapter Two: Just like you imagined/Please

Part two: Asuka Langley Souryu

Watch the white, turn to red.

It fills up the hole, but it grows somewhere else instead.

All my life, yea, yea, yea, but it just left me dead.

The world is over, and I realize it was all in my head.

Now, everything is clear.

I erase the fear.

I can disappear.

Please, I don't ever wanna make it stop.

You can never leave me.

Will you please complete me.

Never be enough to fill me up.

-Lyrics by Trent Reznor

The fire crackled softly in the darkness, the only sound in the otherwise quiet surroundings of the abandoned building. Its warm glow illuminated the barren concrete walls, and debris scattered across the floor. Close to the warmth was a solitary figure, clothed in a ragged blue button-down, and obviously well worn denim jeans. Asuka.

The six years since third impact had not exactly been kind to her. The early sickness, and pain was a fitting precursor to her new life. No longer was she the semi-privileged, elite pilot of an evangel ion. No, sitting here was only a shadow of what once was. A wanderer with seemingly no purpose, no reason to keep going, except for the ambiguous, and sometimes desperate hope that the next day would bring some kind of happiness… some reason to live.

She was still plagued by dreams, though of a different variety, they were no less frightening. She had finally found peace with her mother, but she has as yet to make peace with herself, and those of her past. Abandoned by everything, and everyone but the voices of hate, and condemnation of her own mind, she is ultimately, and quintessentially alone. Which had been the case ever since he had left her on the beach. Never again, she had vowed, and so far, so good.

"Well, what's for dinner tonight?" she said, mostly just to hear herself speak, already knowing the answer, almost wishing for someone to talk to. After rummaging through her bag, she pulled out several cans, opened them and set them close to the fire's coals for a warm up. The smells left a bit to be desired, but it was the smell of food, and she was definitely hungry. It had been a long day. _Maybe, _she thought; _when I get to Germany, things will get better._ Not much to live for, but at least it was something.

Her patience lasted about three minutes, before she hungrily snatched one of the cans from the fire, grabbing up her improvised eating utensil along the way. After a few bites, she sighed, and put the can down, for a drink of water. No sooner had she brought the canteen to her lips, it slipped from her right hand, and dropped unceremoniously to the floor. _Scheiße! _Without skipping a beat, she managed to cap the plastic canteen before it's entire contents managed to spill out upon the dirty floor. Her arm was still shaking, an unpleasant, yet constant reminder of her battle with the eva series. The arm was serviceable, but the acute nerve, and muscle damage assured her that it would never fully heal. Nor would the scarring, or the faded gray iris of her left eye. She was damaged goods, and she new it.

Disgusted by her weakness, she lost most of her appetite. She played quietly with her food, eating little, before tossing it into a far corner. _The hell with it,_ she thought bitterly; _I'll just go to sleep._ After pulling out the old sleeping bag, and a couple pills from her sack, she bedded down close to the fading warmth of the fuel-starved fire. She cleared her mind, closed her eyes, and with an impatient sigh, waited to fade from one nightmare, to another. It took half an hour, instead of the usual two.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The fire had long since died, and the light of the new day lit the room dimly from the small broken windows. Asuka had awaked with a start, a light sheen of sweat coating her body, and curled into a tight ball atop her sleeping bag. She shivered slightly as a draft suddenly cooled the sweat still clinging to her skin. Thankfully the memories of the dream were fading quickly, but the overall feeling of loneliness, and isolation took center stage. Quietly taking in her surroundings, and comparing them to her memory of the previous night, Asuka felt the tear well up and slowly glide down her cheek. She knew no one could see it, but swiped it away quickly as if a mob of people might suddenly appear to laugh at her ill-concealed weakness, or worse, take pity.

Asuka ran. She didn't really know why, but she had had the sudden urge to get as far away from that building as she could. She had packed quickly, frustrated at her inability to move faster, and without a second glace, sprinted from the shelter that, like so many others, had housed her for only a single night. The further she managed to get, the better she felt. _Running away again? _The thought hit her like a bag of bricks after a good half mile, and she quickly slowed to a slightly staggered walk. Emaciated, filthy, tired, and thoroughly disgusted with herself, Asuka slowly walked down the seemingly endless road. She could have cared less if she ever found it's end.

The sky was a deep blue; it reminded her of her eye… his eyes. _I wonder how that idiot's doing… If he's even still alive, that is. _She thought idly; _I wish he was h…._ "Stupid girl." Her own voice interrupted her thoughts, sounding hoarse from disuse, but no less scathing. The retort derailed her thoughts momentarily, and she unconsciously slowed her pace. After a moment's reflection, clearing her mind of all thoughts of the blue eyed boy, she resumed her previous pace, eyes fixed securely upon the pavement.

Just past midday, an unmistakable feeling slowly crept into Asuka's mind. Something didn't feel quite right. The past six years had taught her to trust her instincts, they had saved her life on countless occasions, and right now, red flags were going off. She couldn't quite understand why, because there were no obvious signs of danger. It was a beautiful day, and as she was traversing a relatively flat area, she had a good view of all avenues of approach._ So what the hell is going on… _she thought; _eh, maybe I'm just being paranoid._

Click. _…Maybe not…. wundervoll._

"Turn around… Slowly." The rough voice came from behind, in Japanese. A pleasant, though entirely unwanted surprise. Asuka froze in her tracks, raising her arms parallel to the ground, and turned about.

"Not from around here, are you?" She asked as she faced the man before her. His dirty, ragged clothes looked far worse than Asuka's, and his filthy face was covered with a patchy, unkempt beard. In his hands he held a small caliber revolver. _Six shots._ her mind reported upon quick observation. _Mine holds twelve…_ At the thought, the nine millimeter handgun at the small of her back suddenly seemed heavier.

"Shut up…. P-put your hands up!" He was shaking slightly, she almost smiled. He was new at this. She wasn't.

"Sure thing, just… just don't shoot me." _Idiot. _she decided not to add, no reason for him to get all jumpy. Well actually there was, but she wanted to hold on to that card for a bit longer.

"Shut up! …Y-your bag… throw it to me! …now!" Asuka didn't like the look in his eyes, he was too nervous. He kept gesturing, and jerking his gun towards her with his finger firmly planted on the trigger. That made her slightly nervous.

"Alright" she said quietly. Asuka brought her hands down from above her head, and reached behind her back as if taking the bag off her shoulders, which she, of course, did. Unfortunately for the idiot, she also grasped the grip of the glock. "Here it comes…" In one swift motion, she tossed the bag up in the air, his eyes following it as it twirled towards him, and she pulled the gun on him. He never saw it coming. Asuka's face was set in a hard glare, and her jaw firmly set as she squeezed the trigger. It jumped slightly in her hand, and time seemed to stop.

The bag landed unceremoniously at the gunman's feet with a heavy thump. His mouth hung open slightly, as his shocked mind slowly registered the fact that the girl before him was now holding a gun. His right leg stepped out to keep him from falling. He could feel the liquid heat spreading across his chest, running quickly towards his abdomen. Instinct kicked in. He knew he had been shot, but his mind refused to believe it was fatal, so he ran… forwards.

Asuka was also shocked, yet she kept pulling the trigger, while trying to dodge her attacker's suicide run. His right shoulder, or what was left of it after a bullet had rampaged it's way through it, slammed into Asuka, throwing her to the ground. Her handgun skittered away across the pavement. Her shirt was soaked through on her left side. _Shot. Bleeding…. When did that happen?_ Her mind was moving a million miles a second, and still not keeping up with current events. Her eyes shot to where her attacker had fallen, he was face down upon the pavement pouring blood out onto the asphalt. _Christ… what the hell just happened?_ She stayed, splayed out where she had fell, watching the man for any movement, any sign that he was still alive.

Everything was incredibly quiet, her breath sounded unnaturally loud in her ears. It took her a moment before stumbling back to her feet, the adrenalin rush fading quickly. The wound on her side began to hurt, and burn. She was still bleeding out. "Damn." She said tiredly, holding her side, putting pressure on the wound. Maybe the pressure she was applying would stop the bleeding, but she doubted it… Picking up her backpack, she started back down the road. Pausing a second to give the corpse at her feet a swift, frustrated kick. A faint glimmer in the distance told her of the proximity of the nearest town. _Wundervoll. _She thought dismally, with a grimace as she began to walk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If the heat of the late afternoon was bad, the chill of the night was infinitely worse. Asuka's teeth chattered noisily within her skull, her arms wrapped tightly around her, one still clasped on the gunshot wound to her side, which had, thankfully, stopped bleeding several hours earlier. She had finally made her way into town, now she just had to find someplace with medical supplies. A task whose completion she felt was next to impossible, considering the size of the town. It was definitely small, the former home to maybe a thousand people… maybe two.

Nevertheless she walked/limped her way to the center of the town, She passed a small general store to her left, but the what had caught her eye was the letters lit dimly by the moon on one of the doors of a long single story building which had previously held several businesses. Below the illegible Russian words, was a red cross. She felt a tired smile creep across her face. Everything was going to be ok.

Of course, who ever had last left the building had to lock the door, but a sizable chunk of the cracked concrete sidewalk took care of that. Asuka carefully used her elbow to knock out the rest of the offending glass door, and stepped through. She managed to stumble through the clinic in the dark, finding her way to one of the examination rooms, after having grabbed some supplies from a nearby closet, which was, mercifully, unlocked. Unbuttoning her shirt, she grimaced as she slid her arm out of the sleeve. She tried to be careful, but was unable to prevent the shirt from tearing away the sizable blood clot for which it had been the foundation for. Her pained gasp heralded in the renewed flow of blood.

Inspecting the wound, Asuka tentatively dabbed it with gauze in an attempt to clean it. Every touch with the alcohol soaked pad resulted in a pained, exasperated gasp. The intense burning sensation the alcohol caused, almost made her cry out loud with the pain. She stopped for a moment, _I'll never get this done at this rate…_ she thought with a sigh, before making up her mind. It would hurt. Oh god, she knew it would hurt. Picking up some fresh gauze, she soaked it in alcohol, but her hand paused over the wound. Steeling herself, Asuka took several deep breaths, and closed her eyes. After a moment, she began. Her hand came down roughly on the wound, and began scrubbing. Her muted scream pierced the night like a shot, and she blacked out from the pain.

She had no idea how long she had been out, but she sensed that it had been for awhile, as the gunshot wound had clotted back up. For what seemed like the longest time, she just sat there on the examination table, exhausted. She could feel the congealing pool of blood surrounding her on the table, serving to remind her of her still unfinished task. An infection is not something one should take lightly, as she unfortunately knew from personal experience. The mere thought of another one sent a cold chill down her spine, about the same time she heard the cracking of broken glass in the distance. She could feel the Goosebumps rise up on her neck. Did she imagine it? Who, or what…

Click-Clack! The unmistakable, and universally known sound of a shotgun racking a round sounded out through the darkness. Asuka froze, and she felt herself go cold. After a moment, she quickly set to finding her pistol in the darkness, the sound of booted footsteps adding urgency to her quest. It was ended abruptly however, as the footsteps came to a stop, and Asuka was bathed in a white blinding light from the doorway. Once again she froze, her hands held loosely above her head.

The person at the doorway, obviously an older man, spoke something in rough sounding Russian. Unfortunately for Asuka, Russian was not one of the languages she had ever studied. She took a wild guess at what is was he was saying, and turned slowly around. The intensity of the light blinded her, and she was forced to put a hand before her eyes to block out some of it.

"P-please don't shoot me…" she pleaded tiredly in Japanese. "I just needed…" She took a deep, labored breath before she continued; "Needed … Scheiße…" her last word was barely a whisper, as her arms dropped to her sides, and she grew faint. She earnestly tried to refocus herself but it felt as if the room was spinning, and for the life of her, she couldn't make it stop. She never felt herself hit the floor.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Warm…_ her mind was hazy, but the sudden damp warmth upon her forehead felt good. She vaguely registered the fact there were people talking somewhere close, but being that her eyes were closed, she could only hear the voices, not understanding anything that was said. Then she faded back out.

Someone was holding her hand. Wearily she opened her eyes, her vision burry, and unfocused. Turning her head slightly, she could make out a small figure sitting by her bedside._ What's going on? _she asked herself, _Where am I…_ Once again, she closed her eyes and faded from consciousness. The thought echoing within her head.

Cold. God she felt cold. Absently, she weakly grasped the thick comforter, and pulled it to her neck. She felt like hell. How many days she had lain here was uncertain, who was taking care of her also unknown. She barely remembered the clinic. She felt the vibrations of someone's footsteps nearing the bed. Asuka opened her eyes to meet her caretaker, smiling weakly as the washcloth was placed on her forehead. It was the man again. He looked kind enough, his gentle, smiling eyes made his otherwise imposing frame much more hospitable.

"Rest well young one." He said in broken, and badly accented Japanese. She nodded in reply, mouthing the words 'thank you' before closing her eyes. With a sigh, he gently pressed his fingers to her neck, mentally counting to himself while looking at his watch. Nodding once, he left the room, turning out the light on his way out. '_Thank you' … _she thought; _how long has it been since I said that? _The thought drifted away, and she did likewise.

"Svetlana…" the man called out softly as he made his way down the hall, towards their modest kitchen. "She's out again, but she should be up and around in no time." The girl in question, a young brunette in her eighth year, turned from the window over the sink, and smiled slightly.

"Papa," she said, sweetly; "Can she stay here, when she gets better?" Her eyes were bright, and pleading. She knew his weaknesses well. She did take after her mother, after all.

"I don't know, Svetlana…" he said thoughtfully, remembering her mouthed words of thanks; "When she is up, and feeling better, it is up to her, but there are things I wish to ask her before I come to a decision." _Not to mention, the odd collection of scars… and the pills_ That had been the most unnerving discovery, not the innumerable scars that crisscrossed her lithe body, or the fact that her pupils were duel colors, it was the small innocent looking little plastic bottle that had fallen out of her bag on the trip over from the clinic._ Yes…_ he thought;_ I must ask her about the pills…_

"Papa?" she asked innocently, tugging lightly on his trousers. He had that far away look again, the one he had occasionally lapsed into for the last six years. It unnerved her, especially when she saw him cry when he thought she wasn't around. Snapped out of his reverie, he looked down at her, and smiled

"Yes, little one?"

"I'm hungry."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Morning…_ Asuka thought to herself, after her eyes cracked open to see the morning light streaming in through the half-closed window blinds. She felt very awkward all of a sudden. Here she was in the house of people she did not know, who had been taking very good care of her for god knows how long. She didn't know what to do, or what to say, so she stayed in bed. She felt well enough to get up, and walk around, but at the moment…_ To hell with it._ She slowly got out of bed.

On a near-by chair, a set of clothes were waiting for her, her backpack resting safely beside it. Women's clothes, she noticed curiously. Walking unsteadily, she made the eight foot journey to the high-backed chair to inspect them. She held up the scarlet colored blouse up to the light, noticing the slightly used denim underneath it.

"They were my wife's" came the abrupt voice from behind, startling her. She dropped the offending article back to the chair quickly, as she turned to him.

"I-I'm sorry… I didn't mea--" He cut her off with a raised palm.

"Put them on, I'll be waiting in the kitchen… come out when you're ready." His Japanese was horrible, but she managed to catch the meaning of his words, and nodded silently. Now, she really felt awkward. She quickly changed out of the bed clothes she was currently dressed in, and into the new set. She paused briefly before putting the blouse on, to lightly finger the stitches on her side. The thought of how she had managed to get out of her old clothes caused a faint blush to rise to her cheeks. Pushing the thought aside however, she paused to retrieve something from her bag before she walked on weary legs out of the room, and down the hall.

The end of the hall opened up into the modest kitchen, it had a very earthy feel to the place, the countertop lining the far wall displaying well used sink, and gas stove, an old wooden table sitting in it's center. At the table sat the man, and a small child. She watched the child's eyes light up, as she walked into the room. They were eating a simple breakfast, with an extra plate set out… For one of the few times in her life, Asuka Langley Souryu was at a loss for words. The man looked up from his breakfast, and gestured to the seat before her.

"Please, sit." She nodded, and took the offered seat. He noticed she seemed much more comfortable than earlier.

"Thanks" she said as she picked up the fork, and tried the eggs. Savoring the taste, she looked back up to him, smiled, and then dug back in. Coming up for a swig of orange juice, she noticed that he looked like he wanted to say something. She considered the fact that he had seemed to be struggling with Japanese, so she tried a different approach…

"Sprechen sie Deutsch?" As soon as she finished, he visibly relaxed, and replied in German.

"Yes of course," He said gratefully; "thank you, the Japanese language is… difficult for me."

"I noticed… the food is great by the way." She said as she finished her plate. He nodded his agreement.

"I'm going into town soon, would you mind joining me?" he asked sitting bask in his chair.

"Papa?" Svetlana chimed in; "What are you saying to her?" the entire conversation had been lost to the eight year old, and she had spent it's duration looking helplessly between the two, trying to grasp it's meaning. He smiled as he turned to her.

"Nothing important, little one. We will be going into town shortly, we won't be gone long. We can all talk then." He knew he hadn't satisfied the little girl, but he didn't want her around for the upcoming conversation. "Do your chores. You should be finished by our return."

Now it had been Asuka's turn to look bewildered, she had no idea what was being said, making her uncomfortable, almost paranoid. When he had turned back to her, he was looking at her expectantly.

"Of course… When do we leave?"

"As soon as you're ready. My name is Aleksandrov by the way, call me Yuriy." he replied, extending a hand.

"Asuka" she said, taking his hand. His grip was strong, but not overbearing. He grinned.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sky was shining a brilliant blue, with only a handful of clouds decorating the horizon. The land just on the outskirts of the town was relatively flat, obviously farmed. Along the road, Asuka walked slowly with Aleksandrov. Since their departure from the house, both had said little, content to stroll in silence. Asuka decided to change that.

"So where did you learn German?" She asked, keeping her voice light. Her sudden words had caught him slightly off guard, slightly lost in thought concerning his own questions.

"In college." He stated simply; "I was in med school, and decided to learn it on a whim."

"A whim?" she asked with an eyebrow raised, and a disbelieving look upon her face. He chuckled.

"Yes, Asuka, a whim." he shook his head in amusement; "A friend was telling me about some theoretical work of a German doctor for Gerhin, I became interested, and decided to learn German to make it easier to look into." After a moment of silence between the two; "Very interesting… and disturbing…" he added mostly for himself.

"Do… do you remember her name?" Asuka asked hesitantly, ignoring the attention it suddenly brought her from the six foot two man beside her.

"Heh, I don't think I could ever forget…" he said quietly, barely loud enough for Asuka to hear. "Souryu… Dr. Kyoko Souryu." He shook his head again, minus the amusement. "Crazy." He walked in silence for a moment, before looking up and saying; "Why do you ask?" Only she wasn't there. Confused, he glanced back to see her standing behind him by about ten feet, head angled towards the pavement. "Asuka?" He suddenly remembered Asuka distinctly saying 'her'. Concerned, he strode carefully back to her. "Did you know her?" Asuka jerked her head up to meet his gaze, before fixing back upon the asphalt.

"She… she was my mother." she muttered slowly, almost to low for him to hear. Silence reigned for almost a full minute, as each digested their words.

"Asuka… I'm… My apologies, Asuka. I had no idea." She nodded absently at his apology, and slowly started walking past him. Yuriy gently stopped her with a hand to her shoulder. She looked back at him sharply, causing him to release her.

"Don't worry about it, lets just…" she sighed. "get going."

"Okay…" _Damn_, he thought; _that was smart…_ After ten minutes of silence passing between them, he was determined to lighten the mood, if only slightly. "You know, Asuka… my daughter seems to have taken a liking to you." Her smirk was encouraging.

"She's a cute kid… How old?" she asked, her voice noticeably more easy going.

"Svetlana is eight, as of last month." He replied proudly, with a huge smile. "And thank you, she is a wonderful little girl."

"I'm sure…" she said, effectively closing down that topic of conversation. "So what are we going to get in town?"

"Oh… just a few supplies for tonight."

"Fair enough…" Nothing else was said between them until they got into town.

The town looked much smaller during the day, than it had at night. The one main road only had a handful of others branching off towards the various modest houses that lined the streets. Asuka felt slightly guilty at seeing the broken glass still glittering on the sidewalk from her earlier exploits. His obvious frown didn't help matters much either. Yuriy was the first to speak.

"Need to restock my supplies at home, we're running a bit low on some things… Give me a hand?"

"Sure." she replied, feeling slightly self-conscious. The glass cracked, and popped beneath their feet, as they made their way inside. Aleksandrov stopped at the supply closet, and started handing a few things to Asuka's outstretched arms.

"So what happened? …To your arm, I mean" he said, digging through a box of bandages, sparing a moment to glance her way before handing her a roll of gauze.

"I'd… rather not talk about it." she said softly, after a moment. Her voice prompting him to stop what he was doing to appraise her. She noticed a sad, almost understanding look in his eyes.

"Okay, but if you ever want to…" the words hung heavily in the air, and Yuriy suddenly turned back to the closet. He pulled out a few more things before closing the door, and leading them both back outside. On they way out, Asuka glanced into one of the open rooms, only to find it a wreck. Dried streaks of blood crisscrossed the floor, leaving little visible trace of the cream colored tile floor. The examination table looked worse. She caught herself staring at the scene, before a cold chill cascading down her spine prompted her to move on.

"Yuriy…" said Asuka, once they were back outside, he turned towards her. "Thanks… for everything, and…" she brought her eyes up to his; "…but please… There's a lot of stuff I'm not… ready to talk about, but when I am…" she trailed off, her eyes drifting away.

"Whenever you are ready, child… I'll be willing to listen." he said softly, finishing the thought for her. He reached out with his hand, raising her head up, fingertips beneath her chin. "You are welcome to stay with us as long as you like."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dinner was a simple, yet somewhat festive affair. It had turned out that aside from the medical supplies, the 'few supplies for tonight' mostly consisted of high quality vodka. Asuka had made no complaint. The walk back was mostly silent, but had a noticeably more relaxed atmosphere. Asuka had accepted the open invitation to stay, which had pleased the youngest occupant of the household to no end. Though she had stated that it probably wouldn't be permanent, the two Russians sensed otherwise.

"Ahhh…" was Yuriy's contented remark after eating his fill, leaning back in his chair. "A fine meal, Svetlana. You're becoming a fine cook." he said cupping his daughter's face in the palm of his hand, a smile fixed upon his face. Asuka had finished just after Yuriy, sipping lightly on her drink, watching the two silently.

"Thank you papa…" Svetlana replied, a light blush creeping across her face.

"Asuka." Yuriy started, in German, gaining her attention; "Shall we retire to the living room for a drink?"

"Sounds good…" she said, already rising to her feet, moving to follow her host. She followed him back down the hallway, past her room, into the much more spacious living room. The ceiling was held up by wide wooden beams, forming a cross in the center. The far wall sported an imposing fireplace made out of mortared rock, capped with a thick oak mantel. A comfortable looking couch lined the wall beneath a large windowsill. Asuka made her way to the couch, letting herself sink into the comfortable cushions, watching the Russian, as he poured vodka into two short glasses. He handed her one before sitting in the leather reclining chair which faced the couch at an angle.

"It's good vodka," he said, raising the glass in a kind of salute; "It was distilled not too far from here."

She took a tentative sip, not exactly used to the taste of the Russian drink. The quick burning sensation in her throat made her cough slightly. "Heh, I guess so." she said in appraisal. The soft padding of feet interrupted them, as Svetlana made her way into the room.

"Papa," she asked hopefully; "can I stay up late tonight?"

"No little one, you must get your sleep. It is late. Come, I will read you a story." He set his drink down beside him, as he stood, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'll be back shortly Asuka."

"Sure." she said lightly, watching the two leave._ God… What am I doing here? Should… should I leave? _She took another sip of her drink, feeling the warmth work it's way down to her stomach. _It's… comfortable here, I… I think I could stay here for awhile…_

On the other side of the house, Yuriy had just finished his story, and Svetlana was laying peacefully in her bed. He blew out the candle on her nightstand, and kissed her on the forehead, before leaving to rejoin Asuka. Svetlana, unable to really get to sleep, tossed and turned in her sheet for what felt like forever. She was too excited, and her thoughts would not stop long enough to allow her sleep. She had no idea how long she had been laying there, but she did know she had suddenly gotten thirsty. Jumping out of bed, she made her way towards the kitchen, the light from the living room visible from down the hallway. Quietly so as not to alert her father, she reached into a cupboard for a glass, when she heard Asuka's voice.

"Sie sollen mir gerade helfen zu schlafen, Ich bin nicht ein Süchtiger." she sounded agitated, which had gained Svetlana's curiosity, and she eased closer to the living room. "Ich brauche nicht Ihre Hilfe!" The tone of Asuka's last statement made her jump slightly. She panicked, when she heard heavy footsteps coming towards her, and she froze. Suddenly Asuka appeared before her, with an angry scowl upon her face. She stopped when she saw Svetlana, and knelt before her, a soft, reassuring smile upon her face.

"Asuka, Ich… Svetlana…" Yuriy said when he caught up with the angry redhead, and saw her hugging his daughter. He couldn't help the smile that swept across his face at the scene before him. When Asuka released her, Svetlana caught sight of her father.

"Papa, I… I was just getting some water, when…"

"Shhh, child… Just go on back to bed, there is nothing to worry about." His reassuring smile, comforted her. Before walking off she gave him a hug of her own. Once she was gone, Asuka stood, and faced the Russian.

"Yuriy…"

"Asuka, I'm sorry for being rude, lets just try to get some sleep." She nodded solemnly.

As he walked off, Asuka paused at the doorway to her room. "Yuriy." she said, getting his attention; "Danke" His answer was a slight smile, before disappearing behind his door. In his room, Yuriy took the small pill bottle in his hands, and shut it away within a dresser drawer.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was another early morning, as per the usual in the Aleksandrov household. Asuka was yet again prompted to join breakfast by the unwelcome wake-up call administered by , according to Asuka's standards, an unnaturally energetic eight year old at the particularly ungodly hour of six in the morning. Groggy, and half asleep, Asuka had managed to make it to the kitchen, where a fresh cup of coffee, and an excellent breakfast awaited. After a week, she was slowly getting used to it.

"Good morning, Asuka." was Yuriy's greeting made from behind his coffee mug.

"Morning." said Asuka with a half hearted wave, as her one track mind led her towards the coffee pot.

"Svetlana, and I are going into town this morning, care to join?"

_Coffee… yes… yes… my precious, come to my mug… mmmm yes…"_Huh?" was Asuka's belated reply. He couldn't help but grin, as he asked her again.

"Yea sure, It's kinda rainy, but I wanna poke around that store some, anyways." she said as she brought the mug to her lips.

"Good morning Asuka!"

"Good morning, Svetlana, sleep well?" It took a moment for the little girl to try and translate, finally giving in, and just nodding enthusiastically, prompting a smile from the elder female. Looking up, Asuka addressed her father; "She's learning quickly isn't she?"

He gave a short laugh. "I told you she was smart."

After breakfast was finished, and the table cleared, the three headed towards town, Svetlana alternating between several paces ahead of the group, or several paces behind, as she went about examining the plants, and flowers of the early spring. The rain was light, and the near absence of wind made it easier to deal with as they all walked leisurely down the road beneath their umbrellas.

"This rain won't last much longer." said Yuriy, as they neared the clinic that had once housed his private practice.

"Why do you say that?" asked Asuka, with a look of curiosity on her face.

"Look," he said pointing; "There's a patch of blue sky." Asuka's eyes followed where he was pointing, and sure enough there was the patch of baby blue, surrounded by the light gray of the rain clouds. It was then that they heard the shot. The sharp report caused Asuka to jump a bit. The looked at each other each mentally asking the same question; _What was that?_ That was when they heard the second, and third shots.

"Svetlana!" Yuriy half yelled, half whispered towards his daughter.

"Yes papa?"

"Go into my clinic, and retrieve my field pack. Do you know where it is?" she nodded. "Good, now go hurry." After she trotted off, he looked back at Asuka. "Did you bring your handgun?"

"Yea" she replied, producing said weapon.

"Good, give it to me. Run back to the house, and grab my shotgun, meet me in the clinic. I'm afraid I don't run as well as I used to."

" Got 'ya, I'll be back in a flash."

"Yes, hurry!" Yuriy yelled after her quickly retreating form.

It took fifteen minutes for Asuka to run back from the house with the shotgun, sweating, and slightly out of breath, she met Svetlana's fear-filled gaze as she busted into the clinic. Yuriy was nowhere to be found, Svetlana simply pointing out the door when asked his whereabouts. Frustrated by the language barrier that existed between herself and the little girl, Asuka found herself huddled in the clinic waiting for Yuriy for what seemed like an eternity. It was ten minutes, before the bearded Russian peaked through the doorway.

"Come quickly, I found them." Asuka moved immediately, handing the shotgun to Yuriy, in return for her trusty nine-millimeter as they met at the door. "Its just down this street here," he said pointing; "at the end. It looks like a robbery." Looking back, he addressed his daughter; "Svetlana, follow me with the pack, but stay back, and out of the way."

"Yes papa."

"Alright, Yuriy… Lets do this." With that, they made their way down the street, leaving their umbrellas behind. As they neared the house that Yuriy had scouted earlier, they began to crouch as they moved.

"There was one on the porch earlier… okay, yea you see him?" Yuriy whispered to Asuka. They were crouched behind a tree on the opposite side of the road, about a hundred meters away. The screams of a woman reached their ears, dispite the distance. This was no simple robbery.

"Got 'em. What's the plan?" she said, her voice serious, and deadly.

"We need to get in close, neither of us have a good long range weapon… besides we'll need to get into the house." she nodded her agreement. "You go around to the back, try and find a back door… If you do, wait until you heard me shoot first, before going in. If not… well go back around to the porch." She nodded again, and looked him in the eye.

"Good luck Yuriy, see you inside." she extended her hand, which he took. They gazed at each other for a second, before Asuka slinked off into the distance, immediately lost within the dense foliage beside the neighboring houses.

"Svetlana." He said quickly, once Asuka was gone. "I need you to stay here, okay?" She nodded. _God she looks scared…_ "It'll be alright, little one… I love you." _Am I doing the right thing? _He pushed the thoughts firmly out of his mind, as he pushed his immense frame away from the tree, and made his approach. The man on the porch was lazy, that much he could tell. He was not taking any stock in his surroundings, just sitting there, obviously trying to block out the screams emanating from within.

Yuriy had crept up to within ten meters of the man, which is practically spitting distance. He was sure Asuka had made it by now, probably waiting on his signal. It's odd how the stalking of human prey can be so exhilarating, it is a sensation that Yuriy had largely forgotten after his brief tour in the military. _Five meters… quiet Yuriy… _Blam!

The man, obviously Chinese, jumped up and looked towards the house at the noise of the gunshot. Blam! He was gazing at the front door, looking ready to go back inside, hand on pistol. The female screaming which had been the mainstay of the last ten or so minutes was silenced, only to be replaced by the screaming of a man. He jumped up at the sound, moving towards the door, but Yuriy was faster. The chinaman stopped at the sensation of a relatively large muzzle coming in contact with his skull. Blam! Another shot from inside the house. The screaming was silenced.

"_Oof!" _the chinaman had elbowed Yuriy in the ribs, knocking him back a bit. Unfortunatly for him however, the jolt caused his finger to reflexively pull the trigger. The old Mossberg shotgun sounded like a cannon, as it bucked back in Yuriy's hands. The porch got a new paint job.

On the other side of the house, Asuka had given up searching for a back door, and after hearing Yuriy's shot, was sprinting around towards the front. Somewhat short of breath, she rounded the corner, and found the half-beheaded body slumped up against the siding of the house, next to the door.

"Svetlana! Bring my pack! Now!" Yuriy. His voice was slightly muffled from within the house, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw the little girl sprint out from behind the tree she was hiding behind, towards the house. Asuka jumped through the open doorway, and into the slaughterhouse.

"Yuriy?" she called out.

"In here Asuka, Quick, I need a hand!" he yelled back. She trotted past the oak table, which still showed signs of last night's meal, and up to the doorway. What she found forced her to stop dead in her tracks.

"Mien Gott…"

A/N: Well how bout that, I'm getting it out before I go on mid-tour. Of course I leave tomorrow, so it is kinda borderline.

It was a hard chapter to write, for the most part… The German I used was thanks to an online translator, so if it's messed up, please let me know. On another note.. Am I being too predictable or something? …just curious. Anyways, for those of you nice enough to review, thank you. For the rest of you wonderful people, thanks for reading… I just wish you'd give some feedback. Feel free to shoot me a line at I'd love to hear from ya. Rob


	4. Waste

-1Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

Chapter Three: Waste

"Mien Gott…"

"Asuka?" she didn't answer. She stood in the doorway, silently staring at the scene.

_So much blood…_ Yuriy's voice seemed strangely muted, far away, and not quite reaching her.

"Asuka!" her head jerked in his direction, eyes finally clear and focused. Seeing he finally had her attention, he motioned to the other body laying on the floor, still bleeding out. "Wanna give me a hand?"

"Uh… yea…" she said as she stepped around the mess that Yuriy was working on, toward the female. The girl was completely naked, her torn, and savagely ripped clothing lay in tatters by her side, soaking in the spreading pool of crimson. "What… What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to--"

"Papa?" came Svetlana's small voice from the doorway, aid kit in hand. Her wide eyes looked so innocent, as they took in the carnage before her.

"Oh God…" Yuriy breathed the words. "Asuka, check for her pulse." He said glancing quickly back in Asuka's direction. "Svetlana, give me the pack…" his daughter just stood there, frozen to the spot. "Svetlana!" She blinked. "The pack, honey… give it to me."

"She's alive, Yuriy, but it's… her pulse is kinda weak." she glanced up, and watched as Yuriy whispered something into his daughter's ear, taking the pack from her hand. He turned her around, and gave her a gentle push out of the room.

"Okay… check for an exit wound." he said to her, as he desperately tried to assess the dying man before him. "Turn her over… gently." _Okay Yuriy… you can do this. He's still breathing. Two gunshot wounds, One to the shoulder, and one to the chest… Priorities. _He looked to the chest wound, just above, and slightly to the right of the nipple, and saw small bubbles foaming around the wound. _Tension Pnemothorax. Need to do a needle decompression, probably a chest tube. _He reached for the pack.

"Okay, Yuriy… theres one in the small of her back… Jesus…"

"Alright, Asuka… Stay calm. Here's what I need you to do. Grab some--" He was interrupted by a loud gasping sound, as the body beneath him arched it's back slightly, struggling to draw in air. The gurgling, raspy sound immediately drew Yuriy's attention. At the apex of the breath, the body suddenly collapsed back to the floor, a wet splotching sound preceded the drawn out release of breath. "Fuck." Yuriy pressed two fingers to his patient's neck, confirming his fears. "God damn it..." Yuriy muttered as he threw his leg over the body, and straddled him. _He's lost a lot of blood… _As he began chest compressions, he could feel, and hear the muted pops of the breaking ribs… a sensation he had never managed to get used to. He paused, tilted the head back, and breathed into the lifeless body. He tossed the pack to Asuka. "Grab the IV bag, needle, and drip kit outta there. Keep an eye on her," he nodded towards the injured girl, "if she starts to crash, do what I'm doing now." He paused again, to administer another breath. "Make that two needles, and a pair of gloves…." Again, he checked for a pulse. _God damn it… Come on…_ "Here…" he said, "Take over for me." She did as she was told, straddling the young man's body, putting her hands to his chest.

"He's gonna die isn't he."

"No Asuka, like this." He said, adjusting her hands, before tearing the needle from its packaging. "I don't know if he's gonna die, or not, but… fuck." _I blew a vein. Jesus Christ, old man, concentrate. _"We're gonna do the best we can." A hurried moment passed. _Finally!_ He adjusted the roll lock on the drip tube, and squeezed hard on the bag of saline, holding it above his head.

"Wait.." she said excitedly, the adrenaline rushing through her veins. "I think I got a pulse!"

"You do?" She nodded. "Great!" He quickly double checked, and nodded his approval. "Okay, you can get off him now." he said, with a slight grin. He was in his element, this was what he had lived for. When he worked as the town's only doctor, he hadn't had many chances of treating trauma patients, as he had during his internship in Moscow. He almost missed it… almost.

He handed over two clear packages to her. "Here are a couple of chest seals. Peal off the backing, and put it over the center of the chest wound, on both sides… Once you're done with that, put pressure on that shoulder wound. And for god sakes, keep an eye on his airway. I'm gonna check on her."

"Yea… Okay" she said, eyeing the packages in her hand.

"Shit… Liver, possibly spleen…" _Probably more…_ "Asuka, we got to get these two the clinic, and soon." Another gurgling sound issued from the male patient, effectively underlining Yuriy's assessment. "Tilt his head back!"

"Yuriy, we need stretchers." Asuka intoned, as she tilted the young man's head back. _Poor bastard kinda looks like commander Ik…_

"No, what we need is a fucking ambulance… But yea a stretcher would be nice." He spoke with his back to her, as he did what he could, with what he was given. Which wasn't much. "Moving her too much will probably kill her, but we don't have much choice." He leaned back on his ankles, quickly surveying the situation. "Asuka…" he said, looking at her from over his shoulder. "You'll have to carry her."

"But you just said that…"

"I know what I said. But it's the best chance she's… they got." He continued his work on the stricken female beneath him, as he talked. "Listen, a person can survive with a sucking chest wound for awhile. But if you have a liver injury, with a possi- probable spleen rupture, like this poor girl, you're a little limited on time. I'm gonna have to open her up, and I can't do that here…" Yuriy checked her slow, weak pulse one last time, with a slight shake of the head, before rising. "Lets move Asuka, there is not much time… be gentle." She glared at him, but silently complied.

Yuriy already had the young man carefully perched upon his shoulders, in a fireman's carry, IV bag clenched between his teeth. Asuka was having a hard time, as her right arm immediately gave out when confronted with the dead weight, dropping the girl like a sack of bricks, which had earned her a harsh admonishment from her companion. Using her other, less dominant, but stronger arm, she soon had her burden upon her back. On the way out of the blood soaked house, Yuriy mumbled for Svetlana to follow.

The sensation of having someone else's blood soaking through her shirt, and running down her back nearly sent Asuka over the edge. It was bad enough that she had to carry the living corpse all the way to the clinic, let alone get bled all over. _This girl is probably already dead, she just doesn't know it yet… _

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Okay, set her on the table. Gently!" Asuka complied, only to have her right arm once again fail her. The poor girl's head rebounded off the steel table with a hollow, muted clang. "God damn it!" Asuka cringed at his sharp words. "What the fuck Asuka, are you trying to kill her!" He laid his charge out on another table, beside the other, before hurrying over to check.

"I.. I can't fucking help it Yuriy." Asuka's voiced cracked slightly, as she backed out of his way. He glared at her for a moment, taking her burning eyes into his own. She didn't back down.

"Alright Asuka." he breathed out, briefly closing his eyes. " I'm going to need you to assist. Think you can manage?"

"Yeah." she replied, with her bottom lip curled slightly over her teeth, "I think I can manage." Her tone of voice served to relate her aggravation, as she glared back at the older man.

"Good. Hang another bag, and put some gloves on." He said, breaking her gaze, and picking up the scalpel from a nearby tray. "Svetlana, honey I need you to keep an eye on the young man on that table, while me an Asuka try to help this girl. Okay honey?" His voice was noticeably softer, more reassuring, as he spoke to his daughter. The little girl nodded to her father in response, before taking her place beside the young man. He looked to Asuka, standing opposite him. "Ready?" he asked, the scalpel gleaming in the artificial light provided by a small lantern. She nodded, and he began to cut.

"Jesus…" She breathed the words, as she watched him slice the girl from sternum to belly button in abject horror. When he peeled the flesh apart, exposing the decimated organs within, she felt a cold sweat coming on. She tried not to throw up.

"Calm down Asuka, soak up some of that blood with the gauze."

"Yeah…" She choked out, biting back the acrid taste forming in the back of her throat.

"Damn it… clamps." There was a muted scraping of metal as she grabbed the required instrument off of the steel tray. The clamps clicked into place. "When you get shot, air is sucked in behind the projectile causing a kind of cavitation effect within the body." He explained with clinical detachment. "More Gauze, Asuka… And it tends to tear organs to shreds…" he gently held up the tattered liver to prove his point. "Bigger the projectile… well, you get the idea… How is he, Svetlana?" he asked, switching languages mid-stride.

"Fine papa."

"You're doin real good, honey. Real good." he reassured her with a gentle voice, as he tried to sort out the gore before him. "Looks like I was right about the spleen… The stomach is lacerated too… Another set of clamps, Asuka."

"Here…" Another muted series of clicks followed, as they were put in place.

"We're going to have to remove part of her liver… possibly her spleen too if I can't reconnect those arteries…" Asuka couldn't decide if he was talking for her benefit, or his own. "Gauze, Asuka… Come on." She complied, pulling out the soaked gauze, creating dotted trails of freshly dripped blood marking their path along the already blood-smeared abdomen towards the small tray where the growing pile of used gauze continued to grow. "Okay, I've stopped the bleeding… Hand me the suture kit."

"Where is it?"

"On the counter, behind you." he said, rechecking the organs for more hemorrhaging.

"They're all in Russian, I can't read it." Asuka called from across the room.

"Alright. Watch her, I'll get it." Asuka walked back over to the makeshift operating table, while Yuriy made his way towards the cabinets. She watched his back silently, as he searched through several cabinets, finally grasping onto the plastic container that housed the suture kit, and turning around. He caught her gaze, which she broke when their eyes met.

Asuka was looking towards the far wall, anything but the mess below her, or the man across from her. She was startled by the sudden rattle of the suture kit, as it hit the floor.

"God damn it!"

_Huh? _was Asuka's only thought, as she spun her head around just in time to see Yuriy shove two fingers of his bloodied glove up against his patient's throat. Glancing quickly back down to the opening in the girl's abdomen, she saw that the organ's within were half immersed in blood. She was bleeding again.

"Weren't you watching! Were you even fuckin' paying attention!" he roared at Asuka.

"I… yes, but… I mean…" she stumbled over her words, as he began chest compressions. His glare silenced her immediately. The look in his eyes scared her, accused her, and made her feel incredibly, impossibly small.

"Asuka" he growled, "Take over for a minute."

"O..okay." she said, still shell shocked. Yuriy paused a moment, to ensure she was indeed doing it right, before bolting to a nearby cabinet. He smashed the glass, grabbing a small bottle, and a syringe from the shelf. He jabbed the needle into the bottle's top, and pulled the plunger back, filling the syringe with a clear liquid. Yuriy flicked the bubbles out, as he quickly strode back to his patient's side, where he administered the shot.

"Keep going, I need to stop this bleeding." Yuriy said, keeping his voice remarkably calm. The handful of gauze he used to soak up the pooling blood quickly became saturated, and he threw it to the floor. Two more handfuls later, and he had a clear view of the hemorrhage. The clamped artery leading to the shredded spleen had torn open._ She's lost too much… God damn it all, she's lost too much._ They both became lost in the frenzied attempt to restart the girl's heart. It was a valiant attempt. Futile, but valiant.

"Yuriy…. It's been twenty minutes." Asuka said, tiredly. Both of her arms felt incredibly heavy, regardless of the fact that they had switched out ten minutes prior. He kept going. "Yuriy." Her voice was soft, tired. He didn't acknowledge her. Asuka watched him battle the gods for a few moments longer, before trying again, a bit louder. She knew he had heard him. His shoulders slumped, and his face fell towards the floor, but his hands remained clasped together upon her chest. His defeated sigh made her feel hollow. Slowly, reluctantly, he removed his hands from the young woman's chest, releasing her to the cold grip of death.

_What a waste… _His thoughts were interrupted by Asuka, who had produced a white sheet, and was slowly pulling it up, and over the body of someone who should be very much alive. _Should be, God we were so close... _Yuriy couldn't help but stare at the white sheet, as crimson soaked through. He stared at the second patient, in a career that had spanned well over a decade, almost two, to die under his care. In the periphery of his downcast eyes, Yuriy followed Asuka, as she walked around the table towards him. For a moment, he could almost believe, almost pretend it was his wife. Thus reminding him of the first patient. He felt a slender hand rest upon his shoulder, and he sighed.

"Papa? What's wrong?" Her worried face looked so innocent, so pure. Almost angelic.

"Nothing, honey… Go on back out to the lobby, I'll be there in a sec." The latex gloves snapped, as he pulled them off his fingers. "Svetlana?" he called out, stopping her at the doorway. He looked up, and into her small face. "I love you." she smiled brightly, the type of smile only a child can produce, before it gets lost somewhere in the trappings of age. He could only produce the ghost of a smile.

"I love you too, papa." she flashed that heart-stopping smile once more, before disappearing into the hall.

"You okay?" Asuka asked, her voice low, almost a whisper.

"Yeah…" he breathed, running a hand through his beard. "Lets finish up on him, before somebody else dies today."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After having completely stabilized the stricken young man, Yuriy quietly left the room, leaving Asuka in the room to clean him up some. The pressure bandage on the shoulder had soaked through, and was dripping slowly onto the stainless steel examination table, where the blood pooled momentarily before continuing its journey towards the growing pool on the floor. Asuka tore open a new package of gauze, dabbing a piece in some diluted alcohol, and began to clean away the drying blood. She worked the gauze tenderly around the chest tube, which at one point, had spilt a large quantity of blood out from his chest cavity, and onto the floor. Watching that procedure had sent cold chills down her spine.

She began working on the blood splattered chest, switching out the crimson cotton pad, for another. This man wasn't particularly muscular, very thin, almost feminine in stature. _If not for the long hair, and lack of glasses… I'd swear I was looking at the commander as a twenty year old… maybe even twenty… one…. _She stopped her work momentarily, to gaze at his face. _Ikari… Heh, wouldn't that be a laugh. _She shook her head slightly, chuckling at the absurdity of her thoughts. Then she started to gently run the pad over his face, having to scrub at a a stubborn speck of dried blood on his cheek. Something caught her eye, and she stopped. Slowly, she drew her hand away, and gazed down at his face for a long moment. Seemingly of it's own volition, her right arm reached out, and gently cupped his jaw within the palm of her hand, sliding it slowly back towards her. Her fingertips lingered at the chin.

"Asuka." Yuriy's voice startled her, and she jerked around to face him. He almost smiled. "Finished?"

"Um… uh, yea." She collected the gauze, and threw it into a nearby trash bin. "How's Svetlana taking everything?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess… Children ought not have to see such things." He took a deep breathe, letting it out slowly. "How's his pulse?"

"Slow… but it's stronger than what it was."

"Good… You mind giving me a hand? I need to close the incision, and clean up this poor girl." He suddenly sounded incredibly tired.

"Are you serious?" she asked incredulously, "Why bother, she's… dead." It was more of a statement than a question. His glare almost made her feel guilty. Almost.

"Because Asuka, it's the right thing to do." He sighed through his nose, before continuing. "If you don't want to help, that's fine. I can do it myself."

"No… I'll help, but…" She looked to the floor, where the two pools of deep crimson had met, between the beds they had originated from. The sight caused a few goose bumps to rise on Asuka's neck. "…I'll help."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Overall it was a hell of a way to spend an afternoon. At least, that's the way Asuka felt about it, as she set her shovel against the tree. The sun had burnt away the overcast sky around the time they had started digging, The beautiful blue sky seamed out of place to her eyes. _How,_ she had wondered; _can such a horrible moment have such beautiful weather?_ It just didn't seem right.

"It is done." said Yuriy, as he set a large stone at the head of the grave. He stood straight, and looked over towards Asuka, still in the blood stained clothes from earlier.

"Yea" she breathed out the words, looking towards the sun, hanging low on the horizon. "Should…Should we say something?" He didn't reply, instead he just stared at the freshly churned dirt at his feet. After a long moment he finally spoke.

"I'm no minister."

"So… that's it then?"

"Yea."

"Okay." said Asuka, in a helpless voice. She gestured uselessly towards Yuriy, letting her hand slap against her leg as it fell. She couldn't help it. She could feel her eyes fill, threatening to spill over. _God, _she pleaded; _what's… what… _she sighed, picking up the shovel. _What am I supposed to fucking do? _Her back turned from her companion, as she walked back towards the house. Asuka felt the hot liquid roll quickly down her face. _I hate this._

Yuriy watched her leave, sighing through his nose when she tossed the shovel into the dirt beside the door, and walked inside the house. Once again, he looked to the grave. He made a clicking sound with his mouth, as he grabbed up the pick axe. He took a step towards the small shed they had retrieved the tools from, when he stopped. "I'm sorry." Looking down, he saw a solitary flower growing up against the tree. With a half smile, he knelt, and plucked the small flower from the ground. Yuriy twirled it with his fingers, gazing at, almost hypnotized. Standing, he tossed the yellow flower at the foot of the headstone, before walking off. A cool breeze kicked up out of the west, rustling the leaves in the tree.

In memory of Specialist Ty J. Johnson

1978 to 04 April 2006

A true patriot, comrade, and friend.

You will not be forgotten.

A/N: Not much to say. I'm back from leave, I re-edited Ch 1, check it out if ya want to. I know this one is short, but I feel it was the best place to end it. Sorry for the wait, and if I offended anyone a chapter or two ago. 'Shrugs' It wasn't intended. Thanks for reading, Rob


	5. Shades of Grey

-1Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. I do however… well never mind, I'm poor.

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

There's a shadow just behind me. shrouding every step I take.  
Making every promise empty. pointing every finger at me.  
Waiting like a stalking butler, who upon the finger rests.  
Murder now the path of 'must we', just because the son has come.

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle. something but the past and done.

Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over.  
Why can't we drink forever? I just want to start this over.

I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile.  
I will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well.  
I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave.  
I will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down.

Mother mary, won't you whisper. something but the past is done.

Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over.  
Why can't we sleep forever? I just want to start this over.

I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile.  
I will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well.  
I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave.  
Trust me. trust me. trust me. trust me. trust me.

Why can't we not be sober. I just want to start things over.  
Why can't we sleep forever. I just want to start this over.

I want what I want...

-Lyrics by TOOL

Chapter Four: Shades of Grey

The house was kept in a perpetual twilight, as the candles on the mantel burned towards their end. Sitting heavily the plush couch, and blankly staring into nothing was Asuka. In her hand, the final remnants of the vodka that Yuriy had brought back over a week ago lay in a short glass. Just under half of the bottle had found it's self laid to waste, and was currently residing within the redhead's stomach. She felt numb. Finally. It had only taken an hour and a half.

In the other room, Yuriy tended to his one remaining patient. Getting back to the house had been tricky to say the least, but they had managed. He hadn't felt comfortable enough to remove the chest tube, so the boy had to be positioned on the far side of the bed, in order to limit the amount of blood on the mattress.

Yuriy despised the fact that Asuka had taken the opportunity to get drunk, which meant that he would have to keep watch until she sobered. It had been a long day, and the coffee could help only so much. At least he was breathing on his own, a ventilator would have been better, but beggars can't be choosers. Yuriy leaned back in the wooden rocker beside the bed, and lifted the slowly cooling mug of coffee to his lips. In his mind's eye, he could vividly recall the small diamond ring on the girl's finger. It should have been sparkling, had it not been doused in blood, later covered by dirt. _You poor, young bastard. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes… anymore. _He grimaced with the thought, and set the coffee back down by his feet.

He couldn't help but remember. Throughout the morning, he had had flashbacks of that fateful day, but now… now that he had a chance to sit, and reflect, Yuriy couldn't stop his mind from mulling over the past. The blood, the screams… the desperation, and the tears. It all seemed so long ago, yet it also seemed as if it had just happened the day before. His beautiful wife of just over ten years, half crushed by a falling wooden beam. He could see with shocking clarity, the look on her face, as he was forced to open her up without any kind of anesthetic. He could hear the haunting screams of his two year old daughter from somewhere behind him, dreadfully mixed with his own pleading sobs. His wife's last words, and the dull look in her eyes a moment after she had said them…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He was muttering in his sleep again. Quick, incoherent words passed through the lips, as his head jerked back and forth every once and a while. Yuriy looked on with bloodshot eyes. He couldn't take much more of this, he realized, as the slowly rising sun glowed behind the drawn curtains of the room's one window.

Stifling a yawn, Yuriy stretched, leaning further back in the wooden rocker. He opened his eyes, only to catch a glimpse of Asuka as she staggered past the doorway. The frustration, and growing anger he had felt towards her throughout the night all came rushing back to him in that one instant, and before he knew it, he was silently watching her from the kitchen's threshold. He watched her pour herself a cup of coffee, and stand before the window. She was bringing the mug up to her mouth when he spoke.

"Sober yet?" His voice was rough from a long night of disuse, and it startled her. Asuka jumped slightly, spilling some of the hot liquid onto her blouse. She yelped, and cursed loudly.

"God damn it, Yuriy!" she spun, and set her glaring eyes firmly upon his. "Don't fucking do that again."

"Is that a yes?" he asked, leaning against the wall, and folding his arms.

"What do you think." she spat back, turning towards the window, and taking a sip of the coffee.

"What do I think? I think it would have been nice to have gotten some sleep last night." Yuriy pulled himself away from the wall, and stepped towards the counter to refill his own mug.

"Humph…" Yuriy stopped mid-stride, and glared at her back for a long moment.

"Well princess, would you mind pitching in, so I might be able to?" He asked, voice slightly rising. Yuriy saw her tense.

"I'm going into town." she replied in a low voice, taking another sip of her coffee.

"I'm sorry? What did you say?" She set the mug down on the counter. Hard. Asuka spun back around, and looked Yuriy square in the eye.

"I said I'm going back into town. Get Svetlana to do it, I don't…" she glanced away, and sighed; "Look, I'll do it later. Just… not now, okay?" Yuriy continued to stare at her, disbelieving.

"What's going on with you, Asuka?" he asked, almost breathlessly. "What's wrong?" Concern evident within his brown eyes, and jaw firmly set beneath his salt, and pepper beard.

"Nothing…" she glanced up at him, seeing the look on his face, and looked quickly back down. "Stop looking at me like that…" she whispered, still looking at the floor. They stood there in silence for what seemed an eternity, before Asuka pushed herself away from the counter, and headed out, brushing passed Yuriy.

He clasped onto her wrist as she passed, jerking her to a halt. Their eyes met, Yuriy's dull brown, and Asuka's glaring blue, partnered with the gray. It only took one look from the redhead, and Yuriy released the wrist, and let her go. He watched her as she strode quickly through the house, grabbing up her nine millimeter, and tucking it in the small of her back. She paused at the front door, sparing him a quick glance before walking out. Yuriy sighed, and filled his coffee cup with a shake of his head.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The beautiful weather from the previous evening didn't last. As Asuka walked down the road with ever-increasing familiarity, she mentally groaned, and wished she had remembered the umbrella. It hadn't quite started to rain yet, but the dark, rolling clouds above promised it, and more. Unconsciously, she began to walk faster. The distance rumbles added urgency to her steps. With luck, she would reach shelter before the storm broke.

Luck, however, proved uncooperative.

The sky flashed, and the slightly delayed thunderclap nearly jolted Asuka right out of her skin. She had only managed to get to the outskirts of town, and she could feel the intermittent drops of rain begin to pelt her from above. Her quick footsteps soon became a brisk jog. The clinic soon came into view, but she kept going. She was twenty feet from the broken glass door leading into the small general store, when a veritable wall of water fell from the heavens, soon after, her jog slowed to a leisurely walk. _What's the use, I'm already soaked…_ she thought dismally, as she stepped up to the threshold of the store.

Just before disappearing into the darkened building, she brought her left arm up, resting her hand on the inside of the doorframe, and took a look back out towards the rain._ Story of my life_… thought Asuka, with a sigh. She let her arm fall to her side, as she stepped through the doorway, which resulted in her taking a sharp intake of breath.

"Scheiße! God damn it!" she screamed into the shadows, clutching her hand to her chest. In her fury, she slammed her foot into an errant box laying on the floor, sending it flying towards the other side of the store. After a moment, she examined her palm, holding it tentatively. The glass shard had sliced cleanly into her palm, going deep. A good amount of blood poured from the wound, dripping onto the floor. Disgusted, Asuka let it hang by her side, and bleed. _Punishment._ she reasoned; _for being so fucking careless. Go ahead… bleed._

She glanced back outside, then again at her bleeding hand, and heaved a quick sigh, with a shake of her head. The shattered glass beneath her feet crackled, and crunched, with each step, until she cleared a few isles. Asuka moved towards the rear of the store, trying to remember which isle it was, that Yuriy had requisitioned the throat scorching vodka from. _Ah, there you are._ She thought, as the slightly picked over liquor section came to view. If she had cared, she probably would have taken more time, to choose a higher quality drink. Instead, she grabbed the first thing handy, and followed the dotted red line back to the front of the store, creating another, parallel to the first.

Asuka eased herself to the floor, and leaned back against a stack of shelves facing the door, setting the bottle between her legs. She held her injured hand in front of her, resting the elbow at the knee, and stared out into the rain. The symphony of a hard rain on concrete killed the silence, while Asuka did her best to silence it with a glare, and a hard slug of vodka.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Papa?" came Svetlana's small voice from behind the doorway.

"Come in, little one." called Yuriy, as he sat heavily beside his own bed. He had tried to sleep, but his thoughts simply would not be silent long enough for him to finally drift off. He had considered sleeping pills, but disregarded them. Wouldn't want to be groggy, in the event of an emergency. So here he sat, watching the rain fall, from the comfort of his armchair. The faint squeal of the door hinges sounded unnaturally loud.

Yuriy turned his chair slightly to face his daughter, as she made her way across the room. The mere sight of her brought a small smile to his face. She smiled back, as he patted his lap. "How is he, Svetlana?"

"Fine papa, no fever, and he's breathing okay." she replied, as she took a seat on his offered lap. She felt his strong arm, as it wrapped itself around her waist. The strength comforted her, and reinforced her belief that her papa was indeed invincible.

"Hmm, and how about you?"

"I'm great!" She said, with noticeably greater zeal. Her voice complementing the smile, now firmly planted upon her features.

"Are you?" Yuriy smiled; "Excellent!" he exclaimed, trying to mirror her enthusiasm, and bouncing her slightly on his leg. He half succeeded, and she noticed, but giggled, and played along anyways. His faltering smile caused a small chain reaction, as she followed suit.

"Papa, what's wrong?" His leg stopped, and they both sat there in silence for a moment.

"Nothing's wrong, honey. Why do you ask?"

"I… heard Asuka yelling this morning." Yuriy gave her a thoughtful look, before replying.

"She…" He sighed softly, "We had a disagreement this morning, that's all."

"Is she coming back?" she asked, tilting her head slightly to the side. Yuriy gazed out the window, into the falling rain.

"Yes, Svetlana… She'll be back." with this bit of information, she brightened considerably.

"Good! She better, cause I'm gonna make dinner extra, extra special!" she exclaimed, bouncing herself upon his knee. Her huge smile was infectious, succeeding in lifting Yuriy's spirits.

"Oh yea? Extra, extra, huh?"

"Yep! You're gonna love it!" she said, emphasizing the 'you're', and poking him squarely in the chest. "Asuka will too!"

"Well, all right then." _God, what would I do without you, Svetlana?_ the thought almost caused his smile to falter once more, but he caught it just in time. "It's getting late, we must get started. Go wash up, little one. I'll be there in a second."

"Okay." she groaned, pulling herself up off his lap. Yuriy watched her as she left, returning his eyes to the window once she disappeared through the doorway. The rain continued, unrelenting. It was getting late, a fact made obvious by the diminishing light.

_I hope she comes back, anyways…_ he thought, as the dim shadows played across his face.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The hour was most definitely growing late, yet the rains refused to subside. The occasional flash of lighting illuminated the interior of the darkened store, gleaming brightly off the wet shards of broken glass, and casting sharp shadows over the contents therein. Not far from where she had been sitting, Asuka leaned lazily against a wall adjacent to a small window, staring serenely out into the night, empty bottle in hand.

As the afternoon had progressed, along with her blood alcohol level, the rain had grown more, and more hypnotic. Almost soothing, cleansing… well, to a degree, anyways. The blood from her hand was splattered all over the floor in chaotic dotted patterns. She had actually forgotten about it, until she had went to brush her hair out of her face, and ended up smearing blood across her features. Exasperated, she had cut off a long strip from her blouse, and tied it tightly around her hand, finally slowing, and eventually stopping the flow.

The sky flashed, and growled deeply at her, as Asuka stepped out into the rain. Free from the confines of the store, she looked heavenward, and twirled. The rain fell cool upon her face, as she spun with arms parallel to the ground, and she laughed. She didn't know why she laughed, but before she had a chance to think about it, she grew incredibly dizzy. Once the feeling hit, she stopped spinning, or attempted to at least. Her torso stopped, but her arms, and legs kept going. Incidentally, she had decided to take a step forward at around the same time, of course it didn't quite work out, and she soon ended up on the ground.

The shock of the impact registered belatedly, but no real pain was evident. What was evident however, was the fact that despite her being firmly planted on the rain soaked street, everything was still spinning, and she felt like she was still falling. "Ohhhh… Ssssssscheiße!" She said, groaning at the same time. If there was one feeling she remembered well when it concerned alcohol, this was definitely it. _Got… to keep… moooving. _

A wry smile appeared on her lips, as she staggered back to her feet. It took her a second to steady herself, but once accomplished she looked back up towards the sky, letting the rain once again pelt her face. She looked back down to the half empty bottle she had grabbed before leaving the store, turning it about in her hand in almost curious examination, before chucking it across the street. The bottle's flight seemed to take longer than it should have, but at it's end, the satisfying smash heralded it's destruction. The night erupted with another echoing boom, making her jump a little bit.

Asuka jerked around, and yelled at nothing. "What?" She turned around again, as if looking for a fight. "What are you gonna do? Huh? …What?" she asked of no one… except perhaps herself.

She stopped turning, and stood there in the rain gazing at the ground before her, feeling as if her body was still moving. Asuka watched the small river of pooled water as it flowed towards the ancient drainage ditch with her eyes wide open. Her hands jerked towards her skull, and she ran her hands through her soaked hair, towards the back of her head where she grabbed handfuls. Jerking back on her hair, she screamed. She screamed until her throat wore raw, and then she screamed again.

_How did everything get so fucked up?_ she mentally asked herself, as she collapsed upon her hands, and knees, letting her hair hang down into the street. _What did I do to deserve this? Huh? Oh Christ, what is there to live for? This world is fucking dead! What… what the hell am I suppose to do…"_ugh…" _Oh.. Oh God… Oh… G…_ She threw up. Her back heaved, and her stomach rebelled until it was nothing more than painful, non-productive dry heaving.

Finished, she collapsed next to the fading pool of stomach acid, and half eaten snack food, and rolled onto her back. The falling drops of rain, innumerable came rushing at her from the black oblivion. The tears welled up in her eyes, and joined her rain cascading down her face. "There's nothing left." she whispered to herself, to anyone willing to listen. "I…" she stopped, as a sob racked her small body at the full realization of her own words. "I have nothing… I have nothing left… nothing left…" She couldn't stop crying, and it pissed her off. Another dry heave cut into her rage, doubling her up into herself, but nothing would come anymore. Once it passed, she drew in a long, ragged breath, and rolled back over.

"God damn it!" she screamed, her voice hoarse, and pounded the pavement with her injured fist, reopening the wound. "I don't fucking have anything!" She started screaming into her sobs, still pounding her bloodied fists into the pavement. The rain, uncaring in it's simplicity, washed it all away. The blood, the vomit, and the screams… just washed it all away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The house was dark, almost deathly silent. In the far corner of the kitchen the large wind-up clock ticked away the seconds, unnaturally loud in the stillness of the night. The remains of an uneaten dinner plate sit wrapped in foil on one of the kitchen counters. The pots, pans and utensils, which only hours before had been used with great care by young hands sit soaking in the sink. Somewhere along the way, it had stopped raining. A light snore emanated from from another room, where Yuriy had finally dosed off while watching over the unconscious young man beside him, awaiting the return of his other houseguest.

The sound of the back door slamming open jolted him from his sleep. It took him a moment to regain his bearings, while the sound of staggered footsteps echoed in from the kitchen. Yuriy's hand flew over to his shotgun. He had kept it close ever since the incident the day before. He held it now, as he leaned up against the doorway, at a low ready. Taking a deep breath, he spun around, and into the hall, simultaneously bringing the weapon to his shoulder, instinctually searching for targets. Nothing.

The great thing about shotguns, is that everyone, almost everywhere knows exactly what they sound like. That sound, that _click-clack_, usually had a psychological effect on an enemy (or in this case, intruder), that usually resulted in the immediate shitting of his, or her pants. This little bit of knowledge was why Yuriy racked another round into his weapon's chamber, effectively expelling and unspent cartridge onto the carpet. The noise stopped. The intruder was now trapped in the small anteroom connecting through an open doorway to the kitchen. They could either leave, or try their luck against Yuriy's twelve gauge Mossberg. They chose the latter. Yuriy's finger began to tense around the trigger of his shotgun, as he followed the dark shape of the intruder. He could make out the shadow, as it peaked around the corner.

"Don't fucking move!" he shouted in Russian. The shadow froze. A tense moment passed, as neither moved. The shadow spoke.

"You gonna to shoot me, Yuriy?" it asked in German. Yuriy released a breath he didn't know he had been holding, and lowered his weapon.

"Jesus Asuka, why didn't you say something earlier?" He asked, turning around to grab a candle by its brass holder, after fumbling around for a moment, he lit it with a match. The soft glow light up his immediate surroundings. "You know" he said, putting the pack of matches back in a drawer; "Svetlana was really upset about you missing dinner…" He turned back around, only to find that Asuka had walked to within inches of him. The resulting shock almost caused him to drop the lit candle. "God damn i…" He started to curse, but cut himself off once he got a good look at her face. "Jesus Christ, Asuka.. What… what the hell happ…"

"Don't bother, Yuriy." she said in a tired voice. Her face was pale, eyes slightly sunken, and bloodshot, her hair damp, and matted to her head, and neck. For lack of better words, she looked like hell warmed over.

"What do you mean, 'don't bother', Asuka, you look like hell! What happened?" Yuriy looked at her for a moment, expecting a reply. Then it hit him. The pungent odor of alcohol, and vomit assaulted his nose, causing him to cringe, and step back slightly. He stood to his full height, and looked down at her. "You were drinking all night, weren't you." She just looked at him, as if to say "Yea, So?"

"I'm going to change. Then I'm going to sleep." she said, her voice almost acidic. He said nothing, but she still stood there, under his withering, accusing gaze. An odd sound reached both their ears, in the lull of their conversation, the sound of something wet impacting the carpet made itself evident. Yuriy looked down, almost out of annoyance, to find blood oozing out of Asuka's clinchedleft fist, and subsequent improvised , and soaked-through bandage. She followed his gaze, then suddenly tried to step around him.

"No." he stated, putting his hand to the center of her chest, just below the neck. "You're not." She stopped, and shot a glare at him.

"Get you're hand off of me." He didn't comply, so she tried to remove the offending appendage herself. She grabbed his wrist, and pulled, with no effect. She tried to step back, and around him, but he had grabbed a hold of her blouse, twisting it around his hand. "Let go of me!" she shouted at him, pounding her injured fist into his chest, leaving a bloodied imprint on his shirt.

"Settle down Asuka!" he said, raising his voice slightly. "Hey! Just… Settle.. Down!" She kept struggling, twisting, turning, trying to beat him into letting her go. She failed, and so did the fabric of her blouse. She let out a startled yelp, as she fell, twisting to the ground. The sound of her soaking wet blouse ripping from her torso cut the night, as both went silent. Neither said anything further, only their heavy breathing permeated the silence. Yuriy stood, holding the candle in one hand, and half of Asuka's blouse in the other, while Asuka lay at his feet, breasts exposed to the candlelight, bleeding, and breathing heavily. She still glared up at him, but quickly turned her head, as she felt her eyes start to fill once more.

"Please, just leave me alone, Yuriy." she whispered towards the wall, hiding the tears that threatened to spill.

At this, Yuriy finally glanced away, feeling guilty. He took in a quick, shuddering breath before replying. "Asuka… put another shirt on." He tried to swallow with a dry throat. "When… when you're done, come into the kitchen, and let me suture that hand for you. Okay?"

"Yuriy, just…"

"God damn it Asuka… just do it." Silence. She got to her feet, and shot him a quick glance, jerking the remnants of her shirt from his hand.

"Fine." she spat out, walking towards the living room. Neither saw the small, scared face hidden in the darkness, nor did they hear the door when it softly shut.

They met again, five minutes later, at the kitchen table. Yuriy had lit three other candles, and set them up around the large towel he had set on the table next to the suture kit. Asuka walked into the room silently, and sat down opposite of Yuriy. Neither spoke for a solid minute, they simply sat, looking at each other waiting for one another to either blink, or speak. Asuka won.

"Let me see your hand." Yuriy said with a soft sigh. She complied, rolling up the sleeve of the scarlet blouse she had received on her first day of residence, and setting her arm upon the table. Yuriy leaned into the table, and pealed the makeshift bandage slowly from her palm. Asuka hissed when the final wrap was removed, which caused Yuriy to pause in his work and glance up.

"What?" she asked softly, but with no less venom than earlier.

"Would you like something for the pain? This will hurt." he said, emphasizing the word 'will'.

"No." Yuriy grunted with her simple answer, a wry smile crossed his face.

"Stubborn girl." he muttered under his breath, but not low enough for her not to hear. Asuka attempted to burn through his head with her glare, but it had little effect. Yuriy gently spread apart the laceration checking it for debris, while using a syringe (minus needle) to push saline through it. "It's deep. How long ago did you cut it?"

"Right after the storm hit." He stopped working again, to look at her, but said nothing. He half sighed, and half growled in tired exasperation. Finally he picked up the hooked suture needle.

"Ready?" he asked, without looking up this time.

"Yea"

"Sure you don't want anything?"

"Just fucking do it, Yuriy." he scowled at her, but after a moment, he smiled a sickening half smile.

"You asked for it." he said solemnly, and drove down the needle, and attacked the wound. The sudden pain caused Asuka to jerk her hand slightly, and she let a pitiful sounding whimper escape her lips. He kept going regardless, and before it was finished, he had had to pin her hand to the towel to stop her from trying to jerk it away.

"Alright. I'm finished, get some sleep. We will talk in the morning." Yuriy said, after he had put the finishing touches on the new bandage. When he looked back up at her, she brought her other hand up to her face to brush away the final traces of the pain. She sniffed, but kept glaring at him.

"Fine. Tomorrow." With that, she stood, and walked out of the room. Yuriy sighed, and cleaned up the mess, before returning back to his patient's side. Who knew, he might even get a chance to sleep, even it is only for an hour or two.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He was muttering in his sleep again. Quick, incoherent words passed through the lips, as his head jerked back and forth every once and a while. Yuriy looked on with bloodshot eyes. He couldn't take much more of this, he realized, as the slowly rising sun glowed behind the drawn curtains of the room's one window. Stifling a yawn, Yuriy stretched, leaning further back in the wooden rocker. He opened his eyes, just in time to catch the young man's eyes snap open.

"Ming!" the young man screamed out, with wild eyes scanning over the ceiling. He was breathing quickly, and he tried to sit up, but the immense, stabbing pain in his chest, and shoulder stopped him. Yuriy acted quickly, and tried to restrain his newly awakened patient.

"Settle down! You're alright." He said, one hand firmly on the man's shoulder, the other applying light pressure to the unwounded side of his chest. "It's okay… It's alright. Breath easy young man." he said soothingly. The advice was heeded after a moment, and the young man looked pleadingly into Yuriy's eyes. Searching for something, anything. Yuriy was pretty sure he knew what it was he was looking for.

"M..Ming… the girl I was with… she was shot, God, Is she okay? Is she alive?" he pleaded in rapid fire Japanese, far to quick for Yuriy's pitiful grasp on the language. "Please, I have to know is she alive? God, tell me she's okay!" Yuriy motioned for him to slow down with his hands.

"Slow. You must talk slower, young boy." Yuriy said in his broken Japanese. The young man looked at him with a puzzled expression, before complying.

"The girl. Ming. Is she okay?" he asked slowly, knowing the man had comprehended by the look in his face, the eyes said it all.

"No. We tried hard, but she did not make it." Yuriy spat out, wishing he had a better grasp on the language, if not for conversation, then at least for times like this. He watched as the young man, who had grabbed a fist full of Yuriy's shirt in desperation, let go, and virtually fall back into the mattress. It was almost like watching himself six years prior. The look on the young man's face, the inevitable tears. _God, _he thought to himself; _why does life have to be so damn cruel?_ He watched in silence, as the poor boy lay, and stewed in his grief. He couldn't help but shake his head.

Outside the closed door of the room Yuriy was in, and in the kitchen, Asuka had just finished getting herself a cup of coffee, when she heard the muffled yelling from the other room. _Japanese?_ she asked herself in curiosity;_ the guy speaks Japanese? Huh._ Unable to resist her curiosity, she crept up towards the door in time to hear the sobbing.

"What's your name, young boy?" she heard Yuriy ask after the young man had settled a bit. There was a pause.

"I.. Ikari. My name is Shinji Ikari." He said with a quick cough. Asuka's breath caught in her throat, and she was vaguely aware that she had dropped her coffee mug.

Said mug smashed to the ground with a loud _THUNK!_, the hot coffee, and pieces of the mug scattered everywhere. Inside the room, both individuals jumped slightly, and they turned their heads towards the closed doorway.

"Wait a minute, Shinji…" Yuriy said, as he rose t o his feet. As Yuriy strode across the room, he called out. "Asuka? …ist das Sie?" Behind him, laying in the bed Shinji quietly repeated him.

"Asuka?" little more than a whisper, but the volume would pick up soon enough.

A/N: Well there it is, and sooner than I thought. Heh, hopefully next chapter goes as smoothly… Anyways, believe it, or not if it wasn't for the fact that "Fight Night" for PSP was so damn addicting this probably would have been done sooner, my thumb started to hurt, so I decided to write. Heh, go figures. In other news, our PX burned down, can you believe it? Eh, whatever… Well, thanks for reading! I really do appreciate it, but I'd really, really appreciate some more feedback. Lol, till next time, peace, love, and near beer! Rob


	6. Gone, Still

-1Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. I do however maintain, and operate an eleven million dollar piece of government equipment. So what now?

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

-Silence-

Chapter Five: Gone, Still

"…Ist das Sie?" Yuriy called out, as he threw the door open. The sight that met his eyes was expected, yet unexpected at the same time. Asuka was stepping back slowly, and scanning the ground with wild eyes. Abruptly, she ran out of room, and collided with the wall. "Asuka?" She looked up at him, eyes desperate, searching.

"Yuriy." she said quietly, in a controlled voice. "What…" she shook her head again, quicker this time. "What did… he say his name was?" she asked, having to swallow a lump that had mystically appeared in her throat, mid-sentence. Yuriy stared at her for a moment, thoroughly confused.

"…Shinji Ikari. …Why is that so important, Asuka?" She stared into his eyes for a long moment, then she laughed. It was sick sounding, almost like sobbing with a smile.

"You're lying." she said, quite simply between laughing fits. "That's impossible, you must have misunderstood… You can't speak Japanese worth a damn." She had clasped the side of her skull with one hand, running it back through her hair, almost pulling it… and laughing. Now Yuriy was beyond confused, and it showed on her face.

"No, Asuka. …I know what he said. Now why… why is that so important?" She didn't answer, but she did stop laughing, and was staring at a spot on the carpet, about two feet in front of her. An uncomfortable silence ensued for a brief, maddening moment. Yuriy took a step towards her, and tried to lay a hand on her shoulder. He spoke in a softer voice, "Asuka, what…"

"Don't fucking touch me!" she snapped, pushing him roughly away. He held up both hands, and backed off.

"You gotta talk to me Asuka… What the hell has gotten into you?" She shot a glare at him that would have stopped the heart of a weaker man. It was the crazed look in her eye, that had finally sent Yuriy reeling. He decided, wisely, to leave well enough alone, and back off a few more feet.

"I do not. Have. To tell you. Shit." she told him in that voice, that horribly controlled, dangerous voice. She looked through the door, and visibly composed herself, before silently, slowly stalked through the open door before her. Yuriy watched her go, with wide, disbelieving eyes.

Inside the room, Shinji still lay in the bed, but had half propped himself up with his good arm, trying to see, and understand, what exactly was going on around him. He was sure the man that had been with him had said "Asuka". His blood had suddenly gone cold, goose bumps rising on the back of his neck when he heard it._ It… it couldn't be…_

He had almost succeeded in deluding himself, could have believed that he had somehow misheard him, got confused… anything.

Then he saw her. The visage that had haunted his nightmares for the last six years, walking towards him. A little different, sure, but there was no mistaking it. Not when you're Shinji Ikari.

Shinji whispered uncertainly; "Asuka…" It was soft enough that only he heard it, but his voice quivered all the same. She looked like hell. She had bags beneath her bloodshot eyes, framed by pale skin, and an unruly mane of unkempt hair. If Shinji hadn't known any better, he could have swore that she had just risen from the dead, which to him seemed pretty accurate.

She stopped her procession at the foot of his bed, and silently stared at him. Their wide, disbelieving eyes met, transfixed on the pair staring back at them. Out of the corner of Shinji's eye, he could see the large, bearded man from earlier, standing uncertainly at the doorway.

"Ikari?" Asuka asked in a low, uncertain voice. Shinji suddenly found his mouth devoid of moisture, and had to swallow several times, before making an intelligible reply.

"As..Asuka?" He nervously glanced back to the doorway. " Is that… you?" She blinked. Her head tilted slightly down, and her visage grew dark. _Yep. That's her. _said a voice from somewhere deep within his mind.

"Ich wünsche…" she took a shallow breath, "daß Sie tot waren." She seethed out the words.

"Asuka…" Yuriy said in a low warning. She shot a quick glare at him, before turning back to the bearded boy before her.

"It's all your fault, Ikari." she raised her right arm, pointing a shaking finger at Shinji. "You… You're the reason everything is so fucked up." She pointed said finger to her left eye, "You're the reason I'm so fucked up!" her voice was rising with every word, her entire body began to shake. "You mother fucker!" Her voice cracked slightly.

"Asuka!" Yuriy yelled at her from the doorway, trying to get her to calm down. His call went unheeded.

"Asuka.. I… What… uh, I mean… you… you're alive?" Shinji stuttered, his reeling mind trying to process the flood of information, unfortunately with minimal success.

"Ich gehe zum bumsen töten Sie!" She jumped onto the bed, going for the throat. In a flash, Asuka had her fingernails digging into the soft flesh of Shinji's neck, breaking skin, as her hands began to choke the life from him. " Sie verlasste mich," she screamed the words, voice breaking with the force, "You son of a bitch!" Shinji thrashed his limbs with all his weakened might, trying in vain to knock the deranged redhead away from him.

Yuriy bolted across the room, grabbing Asuka's shoulders from behind. Before he could jerk her off of the boy, an unseen elbow flew up, colliding into his nose with a painful crunch. He saw stars, the blinding pain causing his eyes to tear up, and blood to flow from his nose. He stumbled back, tripping over the chair near the bed, and behind him, landing hard onto his back. She paid him no mind, as she continued her assault.

Asuka's screams, and curses had quieted, having turned into wide-eyed, manic utterances as she concentrated on her deadly task. She could feel his windpipe near the point of collapse. Blood flowed freely, from where her fingernails had pierced the skin on the sides of his neck. Her breathing came in jerking, frenzied gasps, eyes wide, taking it all in, while the boy below her struggled desperately for air. Eventually, Shinji's limbs began to slow, weakly beating at Asuka's sides. A tear slid out of his eye, but his gaze was locked on Asuka's down turned face.

He stopped struggling. His legs stopped kicking, and his arms stopped flailing. Still he searched her face, waiting for her eyes to meet his. Waiting for an answer, a reason. Waiting for her to see the questioning look in his tired eyes. Slowly, she complied.

The screaming pain from his lungs, and muscles became strangely distant, and his vision tunneled, fading quickly at the edges. Finally their eyes met. Shinji knew he couldn't stop her, he had already accepted that. He blinked slowly, Trying to bring everything into focus, failing miserably. That's when it happened.

He could see her tears. Her pain was tangible, he could see it in her face, feel it in her hands, as they clutched, and clawed at him. He could see his right hand as it caressed the side of her face. Then he saw nothing, a complete fade to black. Distantly, he felt the pressure quickly release from around his neck. He didn't care, this was a warm place.

Asuka lay strewn out over the bed, unconscious, blood slowly seeping from the back of her head. The sudden silence of the room was abruptly broken by the sound of wood clattering to the floor, and heavy breathing.

"God damn it, Asuka." Yuriy breathed the words out, standing over the bed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Papa… why did she hit you?" Svetlana asked her father in a small voice. The night before, when the small girl had witnessed the confrontation between Asuka, and her father, she had sat silently in the shadows of her unlit room, staring morosely into the darkness, sometimes crying softly. It wasn't until this morning that she had dared to come out of her room. She had heard the screams, the unintelligible curses, and the cries. It scared the hell out of her.

Yuriy looked down at the top of her head, as she clung tightly to his chest. He laid his cheek upon the top of her head and replied, "I don't know, honey… but," he said, pushing her slightly away, so she could look up at him; "everything is going to be okay. I promise." Her tear stained eyes pulled hard on his heart. He couldn't bear to she his little girl cry like that, not over something like this. He pulled her into another hug.

They sat there in the kitchen, the low light of an overcast sky shown through the window over the sink. The house was silent again. Too silent. Yuriy sighed, and looked towards the small wind-up clock in the corner. It had been an hour. Asuka would be awake soon, The young man, Shinji, should already be conscious. The thought made the blood run cold in his veins.

"Svetlana…" he said quietly, waiting for her to look up at him; " Honey, I need you to stay in your room, while I handle this. I'll come get you when it's all over, okay?" She still had those damn tears in her eyes, as she nodded. He almost cried. "I love you, Svetlana." He kissed her forehead, and stood her up. "Go on…" She stood before him, hesitating for a moment.

"Yes papa…" she said in a quiet voice, before she turned and walked out of the room. Yuriy watched her go.

_Damn it… What the hell is going on here… _he thought, after a moment.

He stood, and walked slowly to his bedroom, where he had placed Asuka. The door hinges squealed with a piercingly high pitch, as he opened, and closed the door. On the bed, Asuka's head flopped groggily from side to side, a low groan emanating from her lips. Yuriy watched her from the doorway, hand still on the doorknob. One of Asuka's eyes slid slowly open, and directed itself at him. It was the gray one. Yuriy wanted to shudder, but suppressed the urge, and moved across the room towards his armchair instead. He couldn't help but watch out of the corner of his eye, as her horribly discolored pupil tracked his progress across the room.

Yuriy's chair creaked softly, as he settled into it's cushion, and crossed his legs. She was still watching him, both eyes now open. Tired of waiting for her to speak, he broke the silence.

"That was a hell of a hit, Asuka… You broke my nose." He was keeping his voice even, trying to sound reasonable. She blinked slowly, and looked away, mumbling something.

"What's that? …I didn't hear you." She struggled briefly in her makeshift restraints, and sharply turned her head back towards him.

"I said I'm…" she stopped when she finally realized the force with which she was projecting her voice, before continuing softly; "Look… I sorry, okay?" she said with a small voice. He didn't reply, Asuka turned her head away from him again.

"Who is he?" he asked, keeping his voice level. She sighed heavily, turning her head back towards him.

"Can you untie me?"

"No. Who is he?" he persisted, uncrossing his legs, and leaning slightly forward. "It's obvious you know him, and I will not untie you, until you tell me. Besides, right now it's for your own good." She lay silent, and closed her eyes. Yuriy just leaned back into his chair, and sighed. "You almost killed him, Asuka."

She whispered, "I know." He leaned forward quickly, uncrossed his legs, and glared hard at her.

"I can't fucking believe you Asuka. His wife just fucking died." her eyes snapped open wide, and gave Yuri a questioning look. "He almost died… twice. And that's all you can say? "

"She… she was his wife?" He paused, taken slightly aback by her question, before continuing in a more reasonable voice.

"Yes Asuka, she was. Now who the hell is he?" Instead of answering him, she turned her head towards the ceiling, and stared. They sat in an uncomfortable silence, as time slowly ticked by.

Finally, Asuka broke the silence with a whisper; "My head hurts…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

From the street, the house looked dark, nothing lit the interior. _Dead._ he thought, _The house looks dead…_ A light rain cascaded down from the sky, yet Shinji could not feel it. Nor could he feel the wind, as it whipped the tree branches above him, and swayed the long grass before him. No sound reached his ears, yet he felt compelled to enter the building.

Suddenly he was at the door, shielded from the rain by the porch. _This is… home._ He looked back over his shoulder, to find that the rain had stopped, the wind down to a cool summer breeze, and the sun shining its radiance through a crystal clear blue sky. He couldn't help but smile. He turned back to the door, and opened it. _I'm home…_

"Welcome home." The soft feminine voice briefly startled Shinji, for he did not expect anyone to actually be inside. His smile grew, as he recognized the owner of that voice, though he could not see her.

Shinji walked through the threshold, and the house came to life. Dozens of candles lined the furniture, bathing the room in a warm twilight. On the dining room table, four plates line it's perimeter, set with food waiting to be consumed. _Four plates… _ He faintly heard the delighted screams, and the laughing of children, somewhere in the background. It was dark outside.

"I'm in here, Shinji." he heard that beautiful voice come from the kitchen. He walked quickly through the doorway, to find the kitchen awash in the bright light of a sunny mid-afternoon, as it shown through the triple paned window above the sink, where it was partially blocked by a body.

"Ming…" he said, almost in awe. Shinji maneuvered around the table in the center, and came up behind her. "Oh God. Ming, I had the most horrible dream." he said, as he wrapped his arms around her waist. He wanted to melt into her warmth. Eventually, and as one, they slowly began to sway to an unheard beat. Shinji kissed the nape of her neck, hugged her tighter, and rested his head on her shoulder.

"Shinji…" she said, almost sounding distant.

"Hmm?" he hummed, enjoying the warmth.

"I love you, Shinji…" He smiled, and kissed the side of her neck.

"I love you too, Ming." They stopped swaying, and Shinji could feel Ming turning in their embrace to face him, snaking her arms around his neck. He pressed her body up against his own, and looked into her eyes. Something was missing. He couldn't quite pin it down, the answer eluded him. She smiled.

"I'll be right back." Shinji didn't want her to go. He shook his head, and hugged her tighter around the waist.

"No… Stay with me, just for a lil while longer." He said, pleading softly. Her sad smile was his only response, as she slipped from his grip. Shinji was powerless to stop her, their embrace ended at the fingertips, Ming's slipping, and his' gripping. She seemed to glide out through the doorway, he wanted to follow, but his legs felt like lead. The light in the room had grown darker, the sky overcast, and threatening rain. Something definitely didn't feel right, and it was beginning to frighten him.

Shinji called out, "Ming?" His only response, the sound of the howling wind, as it gusted passed the house, raking tree branches noisily across the siding. Finally, his legs decided that they could move… just not very fast. Halfway through the kitchen, he heard the front door slam open, letting the wind enter the house. A few fall leaves blew in through the doorway, spinning, and flying in the breeze.

"Ming?" he called out once again. His legs still didn't feel like cooperating, especially after he had heard her scream. His heart was racing, sweat beaded across his brow, and instead of dashing to the rescue, he froze.

"Shinji!" she shrieked from the other room. Shinji looked down, suddenly realizing that he was holding his pistol._ When did that happen?_ he thought absently, pulling back the slide. He rounded the corner, just in time for the echoing gunshot. He looked up, to find his beloved standing before him, stark naked, and bleeding from a wound to her chest. She was reaching out towards him. Her skin was deathly pale, and her face… Shinji screamed.

He jerked up to a sitting position, feeling a sharp, painful tug at his right arm. It took a moment, before his mind realized that he was indeed in bed. The room darkened, and his sheets wet. His chest burned in an unending dull throb, as did his shoulder. He looked down to find the annoyance stuck to his arm, finding an IV line taped to his forearm. He glared at it, and grasped it with his other hand. He pulled at it, gasping with the new, sharp pain. It moved slowly at first, then with one quick, sliding tug, it flew out of his vein, spraying his blood onto the window curtain, and adjacent wall.

He sat there, breathing heavily, as he watched his blood slowly run down the wall, and shivered. Shinji gathered himself in a shuddering breath, and swung his legs out, and over the side of the bed. About the time he had finally gotten to his feet, the door opened. Stunned, Shinji turned to find Yuriy halfway through the door, wearing a slightly shocked expression.

"Shinji." The older man said, "You need to rest. Please, lay back down.." Shinji just shook his head, and gave him a solemn look.

"What is your name." Yuriy stared at him for a moment, before replying. He shook his head slightly, with a slight grin. wry

"I've yet to tell you?" Shinji shrugged a bit, "My apologies... my name is Aleksandrov…" he said walking around the bed to him, and extending his hand. "Call me Yuriy." Shinji looked at his hand a moment before taking it, giving him a weak shake. He almost smiled.

"Y..Yuriy…" Shinji said the name several times, trying to match the older man's accent and pronunciation. "Yuriy, could you…" he coughed weakly, and looked back to the older man's face, "Can I… see her?" he spoke with just over a whisper, in a gravelly voice. His throat hurt like hell.

"Your wife?" he asked solemnly, and received a nod. He sighed, and put a gentle hand upon his back. "Come with me…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It had been several minutes since they had both heard the scream, the shrill agony present in the sound had given rise to goose bumps. Yuriy had went to check, leaving Asuka still restrained to the bed. She could faintly hear the muffled sounds of their conversation, and the shuffling, uncertain footfalls of one Shinji Ikari. She hadn't told Yuriy anything during his abbreviated interrogation, and briefly wondered if he would try asking Shinji.

_Doesn't really matter…_ she told herself, forcing herself not to scratch at the still-fresh stitches on her left hand. She heard the back door slam home. _Spring's too tight. _she thought with a smirk, _…Must be going to the… grave. _The thought lingered, and bounced around her skull for approximately the space of a second, before she practically leapt into action.

She struggled mightily against her bonds, jerking, and twisting her arms hard within the rope holding her down by the wrists. Asuka smirked when the slight give of the rope told her of Yuriy's knot tying skills, and redoubled her efforts.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Outside, the breeze blew cool, tree branches swaying gently, leaves softly rustling with each concurrent gust. The low clouds hid the radiance of the sun, reducing it's glory to a pale, mournful light. Neither man would have had it any other way.

Shinji shuffled weakly through the grass towards the solitary tree, he could plainly see the fresh mound of dirt, and feel the soft guiding touch of the man beside him. He had yet to even see the grave, however, he could already feel the tears begin to build. He felt hollow.

Somehow it just didn't seem real when he was first told that Ming was dead, her assault, and murder like a distant, horrible nightmare. Laying in that bed, he could have easily deluded himself into believing that his wife, his beautiful Ming, would walk around the corner, lay down in the bed with him, where they could hold each other tight, and never let go.

Instead, he was living the nightmare.

The realization that he was walking to her grave, her final resting place, dissolved any and all illusions of ever being able to hold her, touch her, kiss her, or make love to her again. Every step towards the grave sent shockwaves through his soul like a jackhammer. Every step a reminder, a reassurance that he was indeed alone. Again.

His periphery blurred, and his lips quivered, while the gentle breeze played with his long, unkempt hair. The hand was still guiding him, leading him towards the damning truth. He saw it. A long mound of disturbed earth crowned with a simple stone marker. His breath caught in his throat, and he stumbled.

"Shinji!" Yuriy gasped as the young man he was guiding suddenly dropped to one knee. Yuriy kneeled down with him, steadying Shinji with strong hands. "Are you alright?" he asked softly, as if someone might hear.

"I'm.." he coughed, and looked up into the older man's face, "I'm fine…" his voice betrayed the strength he was trying to project. Yuriy nodded, and helped him back to his feet, and they continued.

When they had finally reached the grave, silence reigned. Yuriy stood with his head facing down, but in his periphery, he was watching the young man to his right. When Shinji let out a strangled sob, and went weak in the knees, Yuriy let him fall, but provide enough support for it to be a gentle descent. Above them the leaves rustled gently, muting the moans, and cries of a love, lost.

Yuriy patted Shinji's back as the young man's tears began to soak his shirt at the shoulder. He held him like he would hold a brother. Remembering his own loss, he silently cried as well. There are some things one can never forget.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It had taken longer than she had hoped, but finally, and with little fanfare, she was free. Her head still pounded from where Yuriy had hit her, and she silently cursed him. Asuka tossed the rope off of her, and into the corner, absently rubbing at her sore wrists, as she got to her feet. She would have to make this quick. She didn't want Yuriy to see her. He would only try to stop her.

Asuka brushed the hair out of her face, and made her way towards the room's exit. Her hand on the doorknob started to twist when she realized that she had forgotten something. _Yuriy put my pills in here…_ She raged a silent war inside her head for a long moment, before finally relenting to the unrealistic, and damning urges. She searched frantically, tearing drawers out, throwing shirts out of the closet, disheveling the mattress. She was breathing heavily, and moving with a desperate urgency.

_The dresser…_ She thought, as she looked at said piece of furniture from across the room. With large, sweeping strides, she closed the distance quickly, and began ripping the drawers from their rails. As fate had it, she heard the familiar rattle, as she jerked out the last remaining drawer.

She paused. There it was. Her little innocuous brown pill bottle. Hungrily, she snatched it up, and held it to the light._ Half empty…_ She thought, and smiled, stuffing it in her pocket. She absently wondered how much time she had wasted, as she strode back over to the door.

Asuka turned the doorknob with a final look back at her handy work, and stealthily walked out into the hallway. Not even two full strides away from the room, she heard the back door close, and stopped mid stride. Yuriy's heavy foot steps on the kitchen tile snapped her out of her momentary trance, and she quickly jumped back through the door from which she had come.

_Scheiße! Scheiße! Scheiße! _she mentally screamed at herself.She knew exactly why this had happened, the answer lay sandwiched between two layers of her denim jeans. Asuka took a deep, almost calming breath, and placed her ear to the door. What she heard was unintelligible, but it at least clued her into the location of the house's other occupants.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yuriy walked slowly through the ante-room leading to the kitchen, where he found his daughter sitting peacefully at the table, back turned to him. He quickly swiped the remnants of tears from his eyes, and cleared his throat.

"Sv..Svetlana. Honey. Would you go out and do you're chores, just… don't…" he sighed tiredly, "don't bother the young man outside." She was looking up at him, her bright eyes looking so damn innocent. She smiled her cute little half smile, understanding.

"Yes papa." Svetlana replied. She rose from the table, and walked over to her father, whom she only stood slightly over waist-high to, and hugged him tightly. Yuriy held her to him, managing to hold back the emotional remnants with a deep breath through his nose. Then he let her go, eventually taking a position at the kitchen sink, and gazed out the window.

Yuriy watched with a kind of morbid fascination. Shinji had asked him for a few moments alone at the grave, and he was all too willing to oblige him. He would go back out to help the young man back to the house, for sure, laying him back in the bed when he was ready. Yuriy shook his head slightly, the professional in him wanted to restrict the young man to bed rest, the widower in him wanted to give him all time he needed. It was a fine line, and he knew he had to stop jumping back and forth soon. Like it or not, he still had a conscience, and it's guilty enough as is.

Shinji was kneeling over the grave now, having grabbed a handful of the disturbed earth at his feet, he let the dirt pour slowly from the bottom of his fist, the breeze spinning it to dust before hitting the ground.

_He's probably almost done, I should head back out there…_ Yuriy thought, as he watched through the window, as the young man reached for the small grave marker. In fact he was in the process of pushing away from the counter, when his eye caught a reflection in the window. …_Asuka._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She had done it. She had gotten out of the house unnoticed, well at least she thought she had. Said thought didn't exactly bring a smile to her face, then again, it's wasn't exactly the first time she had fled a temporary shelter. Because that's exactly what all this was - a shelter. Sure, she had spent more time in this one than she normally would have, but she was injured, and needed to regain her strength. Yeah, that's it.

_Shinji…_ The name tore through her consciousness like an unwanted bullet. If not for the close proximity of the house, she would have stopped in her tracks, instead she stutter-stepped, slowing briefly, before resuming her earlier pace. The boy that had abandoned her. Left her to die, alone, on the battlefield, and after proving to her that he was too chicken shit to do the job himself… left her to die, alone, on the beach. _That bastard… _she made a weak fist with her right hand. Frustrated by the reduced feeling, and lack of strength in the appendage, she tried to tighten her fist, but it only shook under the strain. _it's all his fault…_

The fact that he had married… well, certainly it was a shock. _Who, in their right mind, could love that… that…_ she quickly swiped her forearm over her right cheek. _…and look where it got her. She's dead. I bet that's all his fault too, he was probably too weak to…_ A mental picture of the slaughterhouse kitchen flashed through her head, the headless corpse with it's hands limply clutching at exposed innards. She shuddered. _Invincible Shinji, my ass… He should have… would have… he would have died. _Her hand unconsciously touched her left cheek, and lingered there for a moment. It sparked a memory from right before she was knocked out, unfortunately, she didn't have much time to reflect.

She was all of fifty meters from the house when she heard it, the voice that she both wanted, but at the same time, didn't want to hear. Yuriy.

"Asuka!" Yuriy called out her name, as he sprinted to catch up. He saw her waver, looking back towards him for a moment, before trying to get away. She was the faster runner, that fact was obvious, however, he had the momentum, and the head start.

"Go away, yuriy! Leave me alone!" She yelled, trying to force her legs to move faster. In this she failed. Again, she failed. _Story of my life…_ her mind quietly reminded her. Yuriy grabbed a hold of her right wrist, jerking her to a painful, spinning halt. The momentum caused them to collide with each other, slightly knocking the breath out of Asuka, as their bodies pressed forcefully together. Unfortunately for Yuriy, Asuka had expected something like this, and she would not be denied her escape. She would not, could not fail to escape. It was the only thing left that she was good at. Maybe a little too good at…

Yuriy was breathing heavily, his body wasn't exactly in combat shape anymore. He swallowed air like a fish out of water, but couldn't help jerking in a quick breath, and holding it, as he felt something poking him in the ribs, and it most definitely wasn't Asuka. His shocked eyes looked down from her face, to find a Glock nine-millimeter, magazine fed, semi-automatic pistol stemming from Asuka's left hand, and poking him squarely in the chest. He was in such a shock, that his instincts failed him, and he did not attempt to knock the weapon away, and disarm her. Which was probably a good thing, when he realized that somewhere… somewhere close by, was his daughter. Though he couldn't see her he didn't want to take the chance with her, or his' life. Thoughts, and scenarios screamed through his head. Would Svetlana become an orphan? Would he lose his only child? Is it too…

"I told you to leave me alone, Yuriy." Asuka said, slightly jabbing the weapon into his ribs . He released her wrist, and sent his hands skyward, shoulder height. "Why wouldn't you listen to me!" Her voice had taken on a desperate air, yet still very determined. He composed himself, forcing himself to breathe.

"Why… Asuka, why do you insist on running away?" Her breath caught, and she was taken aback by his words. The shock evident on her face was soon replaced by anger. She started pushing him back with the barrel of the weapon, arm extended, head slightly down, growling out her reply.

"I'm not running away. God damn it. I…"

"Yes, Asuka. You are." He interrupted her, and stopped backpedaling. Asuka stepped back, and pointed the weapon at his face, turning her body in line with her firing arm, and watching him closing through her sights.

"You better watch your god damn mouth." she warned him in a low voice, fingertip gently applying pressure to the trigger. "Don't make me fucking shoot you." Yuriy closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, forcing himself to remain calm.

"Asuka. Listen to me…"

"I don't have to listen to shit!"

"Just hear me ou…" he tried to reason, but was interrupted.

"Fuck you, Yuriy!" she spat. He sighed, and put his hands back to his side.

"Okay Asuka." he shook his head at her solemnly. "Have it your way. Just so you know, I…" he glanced down, swallowing. It was hard, but he brought his eyes back up to hers. "We… care about you Asuka."

"Shut up Yuriy…" She sounded like was about to break, "Don't fucking say it." her voice was almost to low for him to hear it.

"I told you once, that I'd always be there, …when you're ready" he swallowed again, closing his eyes. His voice almost cracked; "I'll listen. I want… I wanna help you, Asuka. But you won't let me in, …you won't let me help you." he opened his eyes, to see that Asuka was trembling slightly. "I won't stop you." That said, he turned around, and started to walk away. Asuka blinked. She couldn't believe it. He was walking away. She snapped.

"Do.. Don't fucking walk away from me!" She screamed out at him, striding up behind him, pressing the barrel to the base of his skull, with her outstretched arm. He stopped walking, and put his hands back up, level to his shoulders.

"Why not Asuka, you ran away from me…" he stated in a tired voice. For once, she didn't have anything to say. Frustration was starting to show, he could feel her rocking back and forth on her heals through the barrel of the weapon. That's when his fears came to life, in the worst way imaginable.

"Papa?" cried out Svetlana in a scared voice, from their right. The unexpected voice surprised Asuka, and she instinctually swung the barrel in her direction. Yuriy felt the barrel leave his skull, moving to the right. Adrenaline shot through his veins, and his stomach dropped like the express elevator to hell.

"NO!" For Yuriy, time seemed to stop.

Mid-spin, it was as if he could walk over to Svetlana, pick her up, and put her in the house, walk back, smoke a cigarette, remove the pistol from Asuka's hands, and wait for time to start back up. Unfortunately, he wasn't so lucky.

Svetlana's eyes widened horribly, when she recognized what was happening, and what it was that was pointing straight at her. To her, the barrel looked big enough to climb into.

Asuka pulled the trigger on reflex.

She had pulled the trigger, at the exact same instant that Yuriy's hand impacted the pistol, sending the bullet soaring into the distance. Asuka never saw it coming. Yuriy's left hand shoved the pistol up, and out, followed quickly by his right fist, which impacted solidly with Asuka's jaw.

There was a loud crack, as her teeth impacted each other, and she felt her neck pop. Her mind wondered momentarily, how it was that she was looking in the opposite direction, behind her right shoulder to be exact, then she felt herself slam to the asphalt. Had Yuriy been a split second slower, she realized with ever growing horror, he would have been digging another grave before the day was out. He would have been burying his eight year old daughter, and she, God help her, she would have been to blame.

The shot's echo faded quickly. Yuriy stood over Asuka, his arm still extended from the right hook, wide eyed, and taking quick ragged breaths. He stared at nothing for what seemed like forever. He heard Asuka grunt softly in pain, before spitting blood, and half of a tooth out onto the pavement. He let his arm fall limply back to his side, he was shaking.

He took unsteady steps towards his frightened daughter. It felt almost like he was floating, everything seemed strangely muted. His shaky legs moved slow, but picked up speed quickly, before he reached his daughter, he had hit a full sprint. He almost collapsed into her, grabbing her up in his arms, holding onto her with a desperate strength. It took her a moment before she hugged him back. With her reaction, he wept. His shoulders hitched violently, his breaths coming in quick, painful gasps.

"Oh God…" He finally got the words out, between gasps. He pressed his face into the soft flesh of her neck. "Oh God… I'm so sorry…"

Finally, he collected her up in his arms, and stood. He held her head to his shoulder, and started quickly back to the house. He glared over her shoulder at Asuka, to see her curled into a ball, in the middle of the street, rocking back and forth, sobbing into her knees. The gun lay by her side. Yuriy just closed his eyes, and carried his daughter to the safety of their house.

In the street, Asuka couldn't stop crying. She banged her head against he knees, while rocking back and forth. _What… what have I done? J..Jesus Christ… What have I done? Oh God, what… have I done? OhmyGod, ohmy… God,ohmy… God,ohmyGod,ohmyGod,ohmyGod…_

"What… Oh God…" She swallowed hard, slamming her head into her knees, again, "What have I done?" Her voice cracked in her whisper, and she shook. Her hands refused to stay still. She raised her head, and looked over at her pistol, then back at her hands. She whispered to herself, "What have I done?" Her face contorted with the guilt, and the tears followed the jerking, and hitching of her shoulders, she hugged her legs to her, and buried her face into her knees.

She stopped. She could feel eyes on her. She sniffed loudly, and raised her head from her knees. Looking at her from the back yard was Shinji. He simply stood there and stared at her for a long moment. She stared back. Their eyes met from across the sixty meters that separated them. She wasn't sure, but she could have sworn he was telling her something with his eyes. Almost as if he was silently saying that he understood, almost as if he… He turned. Shinji turned away from her, and walked away. Asuka watched him go for a moment, then she looked down at her still-shaking hands. She felt a few more sobs wrack her body.

She spit crimson, and her jaw hurt like all hell. The coppery taste of blood filled her mouth, as she stood on rubbery legs. She spat more crimson, and probed her split tooth with her tongue, cringing slightly as it hit the nerve. _Story of my life…_ she thought, stuffing the Glock back into the small of her back.

She looked to the house, it was quiet, peaceful almost. Then she turned her head to her right, to the east, and down the long, pot-holed road. She shouldered her backpack, and walked back towards the house.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Asuka hesitated on the front porch, her hand mere inches from the doorknob. She collected herself with a deep, ragged breath… and opened the door. She walked into the darkened living room, and found Yuriy sitting on the couch, clutching Svetlana to his chest, rocking slowly. His eyes had been closed, but when she entered, they opened. She wished he had kept them closed. She shut the door, and stood awkwardly in the doorway, not knowing what to say. Yuriy just watched her.

"Y..Yuriy, I…"

"Save it Asuka." She cut back a strangled sob. The tone of voice he was using told Asuka exactly where he was going.

"Oh God, Yuriy, I'm… I'm so sorry…" her voice was pleading, and the tears threatened to spill once more. He sighed, still holding his daughter to his chest.

"I said save it Asuka." He made a soothing noise in his daughter's ear, "I want you to leave. Just… Just get out. Just get out, and don't come back."

"Yuriy…" Asuka said quietly, "Please." She searched his eyes for some form of hope, some form of redemption… Anything. He offered none, and it was her fault. "Help me." He closed his eyes, and turned his head away from her. She could stop her tears now, and she truly didn't care. She give a damned who saw them.

"It's too late for that, Asuka… Get out."

Asuka nodded slowly, and sniffed loudly. She readjusted the weight on her shoulder, and reopened the door. Halfway through, she looked back over at the man she thought she could have been at home with… at least for a little while.

"Goodbye… Yuriy…" She shut the door, and ran from it as it were on fire. She jogged down the steps, and started to sprint towards the road. She had to run now, she had to run to some place far away. She had to move on, so she could fuck up again, then she would run from there, and it would continue until someone finally killed her… or she killed herself. She got ten feet.

"Asuka!" She almost didn't hear it, the voice was strained, and hoarse. It was Shinji. "Asuka, wait!"

In Memory of my Grandmother.

I'll never forget you, and I will always love you.

A/N: Kind of a long chapter, could have been longer, but… well it's not. Believe it or not, I didn't want to end the chapter like this, but when I was writing the scene where Asuka shoots her pistol, I couldn't have done it any other way. I don't know, it just wouldn't have felt right, if Yuriy had let her stay after that…

Man, would you just look at all that angst? What the hell is wrong with me? I need to do a happy story… maybe… Anyways, Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to my reviewers, especially ThebigW, and GuppyLips. I know I can count on you guys, thanks. Take care, Rob


	7. Starting Over, Again

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion… However, I do own a nice little paperweight once known as a laptop…

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

Sonata No. 8 In C Minor Op.13 "Pathetic": Adagio Cantabile

- Beethoven

Chapter Six: Starting Over Again

"Wait!" Shinji said again, with a dry sounding hack, his throat protesting it's abuse. He followed Asuka with his eyes, as she ground down to a slow, stuttering halt; her back turned to him. "Don't… don't go." Apparently, any sense of reason, or logic has temporarily abandoned him. Why, for the love of all that once was holy, would he even want to look at her? The radiant beauty that so punctuated his reluctantly remembered youth, so distant with her scathing remarks, contempt, and eventual abandonment; yet so close with all her innuendos, assaults, and temptations. A perfect, and everlasting ring of scars. So why does he call out for more?

_Why? Because I thought she was dead… Because I used to think I could love her… Because I'm in hell…_

Shinji advanced slowly, on still uncertain legs, gradually closing the distance between them. He stared intently at a spot somewhere just below, and between her shoulder blades, looking for any indication, any movement, or twitch that could be interpreted as a sign for him to stop. _Because I'm scared…_

She gave a short, defeated chuckle, punctuated by a whispered "Why?" With a scant five meters between them, Shinji froze. Asuka could feel his approach, his searching stare, and she whirled on him, a scathing, and frustrated remark working up to the tip of her tongue. The words died in her throat.

He was wearing an old flannel button down, much too large to be his. It's front laid opened, billowing gently in the breeze, exposing his slightly anorexic frame. His face was drawn, hair beyond unkempt, eyes dull, sunken, and hollow. Asuka imagined he looked a hell of a lot like she felt. If only she had a mirror, she'd realize just how similar they actually were. _He looks different… in the light,_ she thought, _maybe I do too… _

_Because I think I need you._

"Shinji, I… I can't stay here." Asuka replied, making a weak gesture towards the house. She pursed her lips, and glanced down the road. "I'm sor…" she trailed off, and shook her head. "Look. I just can't okay? I… I gotta go." Shinji flinched along with the tone of her voice, and looked down while she finished. Defeated. Again.

She watched him with something approaching sympathy. _ Just go, Asuka… just… walk away._ She waited for a reply, but Shinji remained silent beneath her gaze. Before she knew what she was doing, and seemingly of it's own volition, her right leg took a step out.

Still no reaction.

Her left leg followed, and she started walking away again.

"I looked for you, you know…" His raspy, pathetic voice stopping Asuka in her tracks.

"What?" she asked hesitantly, staring down the road, eyes tracing the outlines of the distant treetops. She suddenly wished to be there.

"After the beach… I was… I was worried, ya know…" He paused, hoping that she would face him, mentally pleading with her to show her face. "About you, I mean…" he added quickly, still talking to her back. "So… I… um… I looked for you." She finally turned around, facing him slowly. _Keep talking, and she'll stay… Keep talking, and she won't leave. _A quick glance up confirmed.

"I searched all over Japan, looking for you. When we… w-woke up, you… you were injured, and… I… I…" he said, swiping the back of his hand across his cheek. "I couldn't find you anywhere… I was so… alone..." He paused to suppress a burgeoning sob, the memory still too vivid in all its blasphemous imagery, the accompanied emotions still too strong. The beach. Rei. Being alone, and having to see it all. Oh, how he loathed dredging up the past.

Recomposing his thoughts after a moment's wait, he continued. "I thought you were dead, and…" he took a shuddering breath, "I think a piece of me died with you." Asuka's breath caught with his words, thoughts spinning behind her eyes at a blinding pace. "I wandered around Japan for five years… going nowhere… I was… I felt so… lost." His voice gradually lost its' steam, sounding out the last word with little more than a whisper. The following silence seemed worse than death itself.

The feel of a gentle hand upon his shoulder, brought Shinji's gaze up from the asphalt. His tear stained, and glistening eyes meeting hers.

"I… had no idea…" her peripheral vision caught the flutter of window curtains. She quickly returned her full attention back to the man in front of her.

"You saw it, right? The way there were b-bodies everywhere… just… just rotting in the sun…" She nodded, remembering the black, and bloated hulks that dotted the countryside. "It was the not knowing… If you were alive… or if the next body I saw would be yours…" Shinji felt the hairs raise on his arm, his voice audibly quaking. "The first time… the first time I checked one… ya know, j-just so.. so I'd know it wasn't you… I turned it over… but the face was… gone… just gone. I…" his head fell limp. "I couldn't tell… so I buried her. Ya know, just in case. …I kept looking, though…"

Asuka slid her right hand up from his shoulder, to the back of his neck, and pulled him towards her, until their foreheads met. Shinji shuttered with another suppressed sob, and squeezed his eyes shut. "I've buried you so many times… I kept having to say goodbye… Don't… please don't leave me this time Asuka. I'm tired of having to say goodbye. …I'm tired of burying the people I love." he whispered, miserably.

"Jesus… Shinji, I…" _was wrong. _And he was crying.

"There's nothing else left, Asuka… There's nothing left here for me," He said, interrupting her with the same miserable voice, the voice so obviously borderline, desperate. "there's nothing left to live for…"

_I know the feeling. _For the second time, Asuka's words died before they had a chance to leave her throat. It was becoming a nasty habit.

"Shhh…" she soothed, " It's gonna be alright…" _Damn, that's lame, _she thought as soon as the words left her mouth. The skeptical sound that issued forth from Shinji's mouth in the form of a half-laughing sob, revealed his similar thoughts.

"Heh, you don't really believe that do you?" he asked, wishing she would say yes, knowing she wouldn't. Asuka pursed her lips, and after a moment; replied.

"No…"she said with a sigh, and closing her eyes. "Nothing will ever be alright." She felt his thin arms encircle her, finally returning the half-embrace. Oddly comforting, despite the lack of strength. She took a deep breath, and felt their chests make contact. "But Shinji… look at me…" he complied, dull eyes glazed, "You can't give up…" his eyes drifted down and away. "Shinji," she said in a stronger voice, pulling his gaze back to her. "Promise me… promise me you won't give up…"

"Asuka… don't…" he started, shaking his head slowly.

"Promise me." Asuka demanded with a strength she had thought her voice had lost a long time ago.

"Only if you stay…"

"God damn it Shinji!" she admonished, pushing him away, but he wouldn't budge. Her voice took on a brittle edge. "I already told you I can't." He said nothing. He just held onto her with all the might his emaciated, and wounded body would allow. It was an embrace known only to the desperate, and dying.

"I told you I can't stay here, you have… you have to let me go." _Again._

"No… no, please don't go… don't leave me again… please don't abandon me… Y-you… you can't… please, Asuka… I… I can't be alone again!" he was forcing the words out, his already rough voice cracking harshly under the strain. He started sobbing into her shoulder, whispering desperate, high pitched, yet painfully quiet voice words between the violently deep breaths. "I can't be alone again…" Asuka had to wipe her cheek again, his new mantra had struck a chord.

Asuka laid a hand on the back of his head, stroking slowly, in a downward motion. "Jesus, I wish I could…" she whispered softly, more to herself, than anything. _I'm so sorry Shinji, I fucked it up… God I'm fucked up_ "Please promise me Shinji."

"Okay." he said, the muffled word barely distinguishable, one he repeated after having taken a deep breath, and raising his head. Asuka stroked his cheek, wiping with her thumb, and gave him a tired smile.

"Shinji… I'm going to head back towards Germany," she nodded behind her, "see what's left… but… you need to stay here, and heal up." Shinji had almost immediately started shaking his head, but the tip of her fingertip pressed gently to his lips quelled any further rebellion on his part. "listen, Shinji… just hear me out… They're good people." she tried another smile, but it came across weakly. "Get better. You'll find your reason Shinji. In time, you'll find your something…" she had to look away momentarily to re-collect herself, "And when you do… if you still want to… look me up, okay?" he nodded weakly, though his eyes told another story.

Asuka leaned in, closing her eyes, and gave him a delicate kiss to the forehead. "Goodbye Shinji Ikari," tears brimmed at the edges of her vision, but held fast. "I'll... I'll never forget you…" They parted slowly, the separation stretching out to the fingertips. Asuka finally turned her back after several steps, her legs feeling like lead weights. The tears obediently fell, having waited their turn for once. She only got ten feet.

"Asuka…" his miserable voice called out to her. She half turned, looking over her shoulder towards him, still trying to hide the tears. "Someday I'll find you again.… Maybe… maybe then everything will be alright." she nodded, her sad smile setting the tone. He did his best to grin back, as he watched her turn away, and walk down the road.

She looked back only once.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The day was ending. The dying light filtering through the curtains bathed the entire room in a warm semidarkness. Dust particles looped, and swirled lazily in the single sliver of actual light knifing in at the point where the curtains didn't quite meet. All facts that would have gone unnoticed had it not been for the abrupt knock at the room's door. For the first time in what felt like hours, Shinji actually focused upon what his eyes were seeing.

"Shinji?" came the muffled, yet obviously accented voice from behind the door. After a silent moment, the door opened anyways, it's hinges protesting with a squeal. Yuriy stood in the doorway, a sullen look upon his face. "Dinner is ready. You may join us, feeling welcome." He was trying. That was a given, but Shinji still couldn't help but cringe at the grounded out, and chopped pronunciations of his native tongue.

"I'm fine, but thank you."

"You need to eat" Yuriy protested.

"I'm not hungry." Shinji replied, finally looking at the man. Yuriy sighed.

"Fine. I'll bring it too you."

"Yur-" he started to protest, but the door was already shut, the Russian already gone. _damn. _Shinji thought with a sigh, before going back to what he was doing prior. It's easier when you stop thinking. Now, if only he could stop being.

"Don't worry about the third plate, Svetlana" Yuriy intoned upon breaching the threshold of the candle-lit kitchen. His sudden voice jerked the girl from her thoughts, almost causing her to spill some of the soup before it could make it to it's prescribed bowl.

"He's not coming out?" she asked, obviously disappointed. Yuriy simply shook his head. "But… he's been in there all day. Isn't he hungry?" Yuriy sighed.

"I'll take him a bowl in a little while." he said, collapsing into a chair at the table's head. Yuriy smiled at her, as she set his bowl on the table. He picked up the worn out, and somewhat crude spoon and went for the first bite.

"Can I?" she asked, sitting down to his immediate right. Her question hit him mid-bite, and looked at her, spoon in mouth, for a quick moment.

"Can you what?" he shot back, setting the spoon down

"Can I take him the food?" Svetlana asked again, after a spoonful. Yuriy watched her eat, her eyes bright, and pleading. She knew his weaknesses well. After all, she did take after her mother. He grinned slightly.

"Sure little one. But finish your meal first." She beamed a huge smile at him, before turning her attention back to her food.

"Papa?" Yuriy looked back up, his spoon mere inches from his mouth.

"Hmmm?"

"What happened to Asuka?" she asked innocently. Yuriy set the spoon down again, and sighed.

"I don't know, honey… I don't know."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The fire simply refused to stay lit. Asuka slammed the lighter into the dirt, with a frustrated growl. However menacing, her glare wouldn't start the fire either, though it wasn't due to a lack of effort. Claiming defeat, she finally leaned back on the tree trunk, and watched the sun through the trees as it raced towards the horizon. A cool breeze rustled the leaves, and sent a shiver down her spine.

"Damn!" she exclaimed, hugging her knees to her chest in response to the sudden chill. It was going to be a long night. Asuka sent a sidelong glance towards her backpack. There are two things in there that held a firm grip on the edges of her consciousness. One of which, she slept in; The other, she could crawl into. (which, by the way, was becoming a very enticing proposition with each passing moment)

She lunged for her backpack, almost breaking the zipper with her hunger to forget. The sleeping bag squeezed out, finally revealing the precious glass bottles, seals mercifully unbroken. She grasped the caramel colored bottle, and set it gently beside the tree. Her face sported an unconscious, perhaps feral, grin, as she set out her sleeping bag, and slipped off her jeans. The pleasant rattle of the pill bottled made her smile grow larger still, as she stuffed her shirt alongside her jeans at the foot of the bag.

Clad only in her underpants, Asuka practically dove into the sleep system, both bottles in hand. For the first time in days, she would finally get the peaceful, dreamless sleep she deserved. Peaceful oblivion, snippets of death though they may be, it was exactly what she longed for, what she needed. The searing liquor bit at her throat, while easing the passage of the tranquilizers, she let out a gasp when she came back for air. She felt like breathing fire.

The failed attempt at a fire pit caught Asuka's eye, as she took a final sip. _It'll be cold tonight…_ she thought, capping the bottle; _It'll be cold, and I won't give a damn._ She grinned, and cuddled up into the familiar warmth of her sleeping bag. It took two minutes.

"_Just so you know, I…" _Oh no… _"We… care about you Asuka." _

_No you don't, you liar. _

"_I told you once, that I'd always be there, …when you're ready" _Asuka turned to her other side. _"I'll listen. I want… I wanna help you, Asuka. But you won't let me in, …you won't let me help you."_

_Shut up._

"_It's too late for that, Asuka… Get out." _

_No…_

"…_Get out." _

_Please…_

"_I want you to leave. Just… Just get out. Just get out, and don't come back." _Asuka turned again in her sleeping bag, " _don't come back." _ clinching her eyes shut. _"…Get out."_

_I'm sorry…_

"_I looked for you, you know…" _She strengthened her hold on the liquor, clutching it to her chest_ "I've buried you so many times… I kept having to say goodbye…"_

_No…_

"_There's nothing else left, Asuka… There's nothing left here for me." _

_I know… _

"_there's nothing left to live for…" _Asuka shuddered, _"Please…" _

_Stop…_

"_don't leave me again…"_

_Shut up…_

"_I can't be alone again!"_

_Shut up…_

"_don't leave me again… please don't abandon me…" _

"Shut up!" She yelled out into the night, jerking herself upright. "Stop! Fucking! With! Me! Shut up! All of you, just Shut up!" In her rage, Asuka flung the bottle off somewhere into the distance, it's loud thump, accompanied by the crumple of dried leaves added finality. She stared blindly into the dark for several moments, breathing heavily, before gathering herself up into a ball, hugging her legs to her chest. " It's gonna be alright…" she whispered to the darkness. "It's gonna be okay…" She recited this new mantra, shivering in the darkness, until the chemicals claimed their hold on her consciousness.

It took an hour.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He was crying again. Noiseless tears, that fell from his eyes without any provocation. He tried to stop it before it starts, but you can only go so long before the brain demands thought. He needed this, he knew. Everyone needs time to mourn, to heal, to move past the shock, the sadness, and the guilt.

He knew he needed this because he had done this so many times before. In fact, he had done this for the majority of his still short life. Yes, Shinji Ikari has practically mastered the art of mourning. Sometimes, he wonders why he has yet to kill himself. _Oh yea,_ he reminds himself, _I tried. Right before I met… _The tears continued with renewed vigor.

A soft knock at the door brought him out of his introspective. For a moment, Shinji swore he had imagined it. If not for the follow up knock, and the candle light shining through the cracks surrounding the door, he would've disregarded the intrusion. _Yuriy…_ His mind told him. _Probably brought the food…_

Shinji cleared his throat, and started to speak, as the door cracked slightly open.

"I said I'm not hun…" A small face bathed in the candlelight appeared, carrying a modest looking tray. She mumbled a few words, that wouldn't have been understood anyways.

"Who… are you?" Shinji asked the uncomprehending girl before him, as he stood, and limped his way over to her. She looked up at him, and said something quick he didn't quite catch, before handing him the tray, which he took without question. Having relieved herself of her burden, and her curiosity successfully quelled, Svetlana flashed an infectious smile, one that was halfheartedly returned, and left the room.

The click of the door sounded, and the weight in his hands registered finally to his numbed senses. Shinji blinked twice, and turned back towards his chair. He sat heavily in the seat, stomach finally advertising its emptiness. _a child…_

_Jesus, this place is a mess…_ Yuriy though, as he dug through the unorganized garbage heap once recognizable as the master bedroom. His bedroom. The one place, or so he had previously thought, that he had complete, and total control over. He was lord, and master of all he surveyed… which up until this morning, had been cleaned, and organized to the standards impressed upon him all those years ago. He sighed. _Damn you… damn you, and all your stubbornness, Asuka. It could have been… _he paused, _ what… different? Stop fooling yourself, old man… you're not twenty-five anymore. …or thirty._

"Fuck."

"What's 'fuck'?" came the innocently curious voice from the doorway

_Fuck…_ Yuriy spun halfway around, to face his daughter, putting on a lopsided grin "Nothing little one…" he said, watching her reaction. She seemed to buy it… almost. She opened her mouth. "_Don't _repeat it though. It's…" _ It's fuck, _his mind told him, with a subconscious laugh, _or_ _has it been so long that you've already forgotten? _"Just don't say it again, honey." he finished with a smile, proud of himself.

"But… I though you-"

"Svetlana." he said quickly in his best 'stern warning' voice. Needless to say, she let it slide. For now, anyways. The moment passed, and he turned back towards the heap. "So, what do you think?"

"It's a mess." Yuriy laughed through his nose, sending a sidelong glance over his shoulder.

"Yes, it certainly is… but I was talking about our new houseguest."

"Oh…" she said, looking down in contemplation. " He seems… sad." Yuriy grunted softly. "but nice… even though he talks funny."

"yeah…" "HeJapanese, by the way."

"Oh… can you speak it?"

"Yes… No. Well sort of, but not very well." he said, absently kicking at a sock. "I'm working on it though."

"Can I learn?"

"Of course, little one."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dawn. Beautiful, despite it's being marred by the trees. A pity, that its inherent beauty was lost on the shivering bundle of cloth, and flesh curled into itself on the damp ground. A late frost lingered a glassy white upon the dead leaves of the past fall, and held fast to the black fabric of the sleeping bag.

It had been a cold night.

And up until several hours ago, she hadn't cared. She had been peacefully ignorant, basking in the chemically induced bliss of a drug addled, and dreamless sleep. That is, of course, until the frost, and a need to relieve her bladder heralded in the start of another nightmare. And so she suffered. Again. The cold was one thing, but the voices… Asuka could have sworn she felt something… change. Almost like a light switch, a soft mechanical click, in her head. She imagined it to be her sanity. Again.

The feeling was a little disconcerting, and for long minutes she had laid still in the freezing silence, questioning her grip on reality. The rest of time was spent replaying, rehashing the past. Most memories, and events were recent… some not.

But now, the sun is up, a new day has finally begun, and she has a long way to go. Shivering, and jerking, Asuka forces herself up, and out of the only warm, and comfortable place she had left. Exposed, the air bit, and her breath misted. _This…_ she mentally told herself, _this is my reality. _She couldn't prevent her breath from catching; _This is my life._ She packed. Again.

Breaching the tree line, and upon reaching the road, Asuka couldn't help but look back east, and for one fleeting moment, thought she could go back, and start over. _A nice dream… _she thought, _but it's too early to cry._

Asuka turned, and walked away from the sun.

A/N: Not what you expected, eh? Well I'm not going for cliché, besides I'll have many more opportunities to be cheesy. Yes, you read it right, there's more.

Well hello once again, (finally) and thanks for reading! I feel obligated to explain my extended leave, and no it was not intended. I last updated sometime in May (the 13th if I remember correctly), and decided to take a break. So for a week and a half, or so, I read, watched movies, read reviews, etc, etc…

Then I wrote this chapter, well… not the one you just read, anyways. The day I planned to update TWOiT, I plugged my laptop into an ungrounded power outlet (unbeknownst to me, I assure you) and fried not only my power adapter, but an obscure, apparently vital, component to windows. Thus my laptop ceased to function in early June. So I lost all my notes, and, well, everything… suddenly, I had to go by memory, or tried to, I should say, and well… it… took awhile. My sincerest apologies, I did what I could. Thanks again for reading, and reviewing if it applies.

-Rob


	8. Help me, I'm in Hell

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion… However, I have hijacked my friend's computer… but I don't own that, either. Also, I wish to reiterate that this story is rated M for a reason…

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

Just your reflection, just a glimpse,just a little reminder...

of all the what abouts, and all the might have could have beens

another day, some other way, but not another reason to continue

and now you're one of us, the wretched.

The hopes and prays, the better days, the far aways

forget it.

It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to,

it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, did it?

It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to,

it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, did it?

Now you know, this is what it feels like, now you know

this is what it feels like.

The clouds will part, and the sky cracks open

and god himself will reach his fucking arm through

just to push you down, just to hold you down.

Stuck in this hole with the shit and the piss

and it's hard to believe it could come down to this, back at the beginning

sinking, spinning.

And in the end we still pretend, the time we spend,

not knowing when you're finally free,and you could be.

But it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to,

it didn't turn out quite the way that you wanted it.

You can try to stop it but it keeps on coming

you can try to stop it but...

-Lyrics by Trent Reznor

Chapter Seven: Help me, I'm in Hell

_Jesus. _That was it. The one word, unheard by all but her, the only word that could quantify what lay before her. _Jesus._ She spoke his name again in her mind, knowing he would not answer. He never did.

If God truly is more than just a word, an idea, then he must be dead. If not, then he certainly left this land a long time ago. She looked to her right, to see a small crowd of gamblers. Further inspection revealed it to be an ancient game, usually played with three cups, and a ball. Or in this case, three buckets and a human head. A child's.

Now you see it, now you don't.

_No… God is dead._ Asuka thought, as she moved on, appalled. _And he has been, for a long time._

It's a city. Well, it was a city, reduced now to little more than a collection point for all of man's depravities. Chita. At least that's what Asuka had found out from, surprisingly enough, a Japanese drifter. She later discovered that Chita was little more than another word for hell. The city, once home to over three-hundred thousand people of mixed Russian, and Chinese ethnicity, apparently belonging now to the Zurikov's. Just another faction whose fight for temporary power had just recently finished, further ruining an already ruined city. Just another opportunist with weapons, trying to build an empire. Perhaps, even a nicer version of hell.

The names didn't matter anymore. The promises, and ideals all sounding the same. Law, order, peace, security, safety. Promises they can't keep, ideals corrupting into madness. Asuka had seen it happen before, actually taking part once just to avoid being shot. Once, she discovered quickly, was enough. _It could have been worse… _She had figured, _She only had to kill a couple people._ Her first time outside an Eva.

They used to speak to her at nightnow they only murmur in the background, with the others. _What a good girl I am! Aren't you proud mama? _Asuka couldn't help but wonder why she tortured herself.

Things come cheap in hell, a perk found mainly in the larger cities. A pack of cigarettes could buy an assault rifle, and a magazine's worth of ammunition. Pleasures of the flesh were also available, sometimes for less than half a loaf of bread. Age, sex, and level of consciousness, all at the discretion of the connoisseur. Any objections voiced by those sold being quickly silenced by drugs, or the pointed tip of a knife. Most accept it eventually, swallowing their shame for the opportunity to see tomorrow, others were simply reduced to their component parts. Such casual homicide was easily overlooked in a world where billions had already died for nothing. If one had the stomach for it, nearly anything was possible. Nothing was taboo. Not anymore.

Unfortunately for Asuka, she's not a smoker, and she's run out of food, and drink. Hell's currency. Short of selling herself, her only viable option was to steal. Preferably, without killing the person she had to steal from. For the first time in over a week, she was glad to have her pistol. It's weight once again a comfort, rather than an unwanted reminder of the past. Once again, it was useful. Dependable.

Asuka had to display her weapon prominently to fend off would be attackers. A feat which she accomplished with the aid of a blackened brown leather shoulder holster she lifted from a dead man. It was big on her, but it bounced reassuringly against her left breast, in easy reach.

She smiled. Two days in Chita without being raped, or having had to kill. So far, so good. With success that easy to quantify, it's no wonder humanity isn't any better off than it was six years prior.

Scattered fire barrels haphazardly lined the debris-strewn street, highlighting the people huddling around them in an orange glow. The monsters she walked so cautiously past, lurking somewhere in the shadows. Steam drifted lazily from the ancient, and overburdened sewage system. The screams of a young girl pierced the twilight, sounds of the struggle coming from an alleyway up ahead. Readjusting her backpack, Asuka crossed the street, and increased her pace. She didn't even look. She kept her eyes on the interval between her, and her own victim.

All the heroes are dead for a reason. All she needed was food.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After a week, it had become routine. The soft knock on the old oaken door, the soft smile, and the food. In his long periods of self-isolation, Shinji had caught himself looking forward to their unspoken conversations. The smile in her eyes, as well as her lips. That's why when the knock came too early, he feared bad news. Or Yuriy.

It's not that Shinji didn't like Yuriy, far from it. It's just that he felt indebted to the man, despite his failure to save Ming. Besides, Shinji wasn't used to being given handouts, hand-ups, hand-me-downs, or anything in between. That is, at least, without something being asked of him in return… In short: He didn't exactly trust him.

And so it was Yuriy who appeared from behind the massive oak door, and Shinji frowned imperceptibly. Imperceptibly, because he rarely smiled, especially in his presence, and frowns are so close to having no expression at all.

"Shinji?" the large, bearded man asked, locating the young man in his usual spot by the curtained window. Said man looked up at him, taking a moment to focus. Finally, an unspoken 'yes?' appeared on his countenance. Or perhaps it was a less friendly 'What'. The jury was still out on that one.

"Shinji, please, I would like it if you would join us this evening."

_He was getting better_… Shinji noticed, _he's been studying. _"Yuriy, I'm sorry, bu-"

"It wasn't a question. I'm telling you, that you _obligated _join us for dinner." He interrupted, eyes turning hard. Shinji just stared at him, expressionless. Yuriy glared back, until the young man simply turned his head to stare at the wall. Yuriy sighed, "It'll be ready in twenty minutes. You know where kitchen is located at?"

_He's been studying, but he still sounds…_ Shinji nodded,_ like a tourist reading from a book…_

"Good." The man said closing the door behind him. Once the older man left, Shinji sighed, and returned his gaze to the swirling particles of dust, dancing their random dance in the sliver of fading light.

Twenty minutes disappeared in what seemed like five. He was getting good at zoning out, though whether or not that was actually a good thing had yet to be seen. Shinji supposed he would find out one day, though he doubted the answer would effect him much. He just didn't care. If it didn't hurt so damn much to try it, he'd have voluntarily stopped breathing. It was little more than a hassle, anyways. Speaking of which, he rose from his seat.

Oddly enough, Shinji felt unusually perceptive. Perhaps the long periods of little to no sensory input had heightened his senses. Whatever the cause, or reason, it took only two steps free of the confines of his room, to determine that no food had been prepared. _Why,_ he asked himself, _am I not surprised?_

"Come in, Shinji." he heard the voice say. The little girl was nowhere to be seen, the kitchen bathed in shadow, as he entered.

"What's going on?" Shinji asked in a flat voice , deciding not to step too far into the room.

"We're going to go for a walk" said the elder Aleksandrov.

"Oh… Okay."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sun finally dipped below the horizon, after having teased this part of the world for the better part of an hour. Twilight. The eerie period of limbo separating day, and night. Those who lived here, those who stayed despite the horror, knew not to stay out for much longer. If one wished to see tomorrow, they left the streets before nightfall.

In the dark, they knew the monstrosity of man knew no limitations.

While the weak deserted, Asuka stalked her victim. She was the type of predator known best by the hungry. Those who couldn't defend themselves, or their food. Those people don't usually last long. Little fish, meet big fish.

Male. Long hair, medium height, obviously malnourished, and apparently unarmed. No names, no faces, no conversation. Her victims couldn't be human. Not to her, anyways, it made things easier. She followed the unsuspecting man from across the street, half a block away, effortlessly blending into the thinning crowds, staying invisible. Sometimes the best way to hide, is not to hide. The man turned left, at the building's corner, heading towards the city's central block. Chita's central block was, to her, the cities most interesting area. The architecture there showing obvious signs of Japanese design, and style. The Japanese POW's had done an excellent job.

_Scheiße! _Asuka cursed, mentally when she realized what had happened. Glancing around quickly, she jogged across the street to follow. Turning the corner, she came back to her normal pace, already scanning for the old grey jacket the walking convenience store was wearing. Nothing. She tried not to be blatant in her search, but her mounting frustration was making it difficult. She was hungry, damn it.

someone jostled her. An obvious attempt to grope her left breast. She snarled, and whipped around, hand going towards her weapon, except it wasn't there. She came face to face with the barrel of her own pistol, held by a rough looking hand, attached to the arm of a thin man wearing an old… grey… jacket. She gasped at the abrupt appearance of her mark._ Not so slick after all…_ she chided herself mentally, _he saw me. And he… Hey! that's my gun! _Checkmate.

No one stopped to help, no one ran, or screamed, they simply parted, leaving them to their business. He had bad breath, and he spoke Russian. Spittle flew from his mouth, as he tried Chinese, gesturing with his gun towards the alleyway. Asuka blinked, thought; _wundervoll._

"Go to hell. I just wanted your bread." She said, in impatient German. Apparently, he's not as dumb as he looks. Either that, or he just didn't care for the tone of her voice. He pistol whipped her regardless, and everything went blurry, a warm, and fuzzy wetness enveloping her. Blood drained from her forehead, into her left eye, further obstructing her vision.

Her addled mind instructed a go for the pistol, but her slow, and clumsy attempts were easily parried. He pushed her into the alley, and struck her again, at the base of the spine, as she fell.

Everything went black.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The breeze swept gently across the open land surrounding the house, chilling the air to a point just slightly below what would be considered comfortable. The field had grown wild these past six years, though it still bore the telltale signs of having been farmed, the marks left by the plow.

Thus far, their walk had been devoid of any conversation, both content to keep any thoughts to themselves. Shinji had begun to wonder the reason behind this twilight stroll, having finally rid his mind of the painful reminder beneath the tree in the backyard. He didn't have to wait long, Yuriy apparently had decided that they had gone far enough.

"Shinji," He began, turning towards the young man. Voice noticeably softer, "How are you feeling?"

Shinji had expected several things to come from the man's mouth, ranging from 'life goes on', to 'leave'. However, the simple question 'how are you feeling?' had never crossed his mind. He actually had to formulate an answer, instead of simply nodding, and going along with whatever the man said. He decided to meet him halfway.

Shinji replied with a noncommittal shrug, and an incoherent mumble. This was a maneuver he had perfected long ago. It almost worked. Yuriy grunted, unimpressed.

"Okay." Yuriy said, with a cough, "Come with me." They walked into the nearby tree line, old leaves, and twigs crunching, and snapping underfoot. Soon, it became hard to see the field behind them. It certainly wasn't getting any brighter, and Shinji couldn't help but wonder why they would choose to come here this late in the day. He never much liked the night, anyways. Yuriy stopped, at the edge of a clearing, and visibly deflated, his head hung lower than usual, shoulders hunched ever so slightly. Shinji's curiosity actually peaked.

Looking around, from behind the older man, Shinji could dimly make out a clearing, a small field irrigating creek running just off to the right. A large elm marking it's center, the ancient limbs hanging low, with an old wooden swing dangling perilously from frayed roped. It's base was hidden behind a crude stone marker. Suddenly, Shinji understood.

"Who was it?" he asked.

"Vanya. My wife." Yuriy replied, his voice coming in a more somber chord. "She died six years ago. Right after the… end." Shinji cringed.

"She never came back?"

"No. She came back. Perhaps it would have been easier had she not… She died in my arms, I was powerless" Yuriy paused, "I was such a fool." he finished quietly to himself in his native tongue. He turned towards Shinji, and placed a large hand upon his shoulder "I know what you go through, Shinji. Because I've been there." From his pocket, Yuriy produced a small silver flask, and took a swig from its screw top. "Drink?"

Shinji took the proffered flask, holding it skeptically in his hand, as if examining it. Finally he looked up to the older man, to find a sad smile, one he replied to in kind before taking a sip.

"Thank you." Shinji said hoarsely, throat ablaze. The older man simply nodded, leading the way home.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"How much?" The man asked, obviously ready to conclude the matter at hand.

"She has many scars, Josef. They're…" a sigh, "Distracting." He replied, setting the tumbler on the table, empty.

"Yes… yes.. But who doesn't?" Josef countered, "Besides, it's nothing that the dark wont fix... So how much?" The other man let loose a soft, barely perceptible growl of distaste.

"Two cans of soup, and half a loaf of bread."

"What about-"

"My man downstairs will get you your needles. Now go." Josef nodded, and left without another word. He didn't look back. Asuka groaned groggily, as she lay prostrate on the nearby couch.

"Pasha… Tell me, what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking it's workable. We may have to up her dosage, compared to others, to make her more… malleable. But really, Nicolay, how many girls do you need?" Pasha said, as he walked from the shadowed corner that hid his slightly overweight frame, headed towards the small bar set into the wall's rich woodwork. The former KGB office, despite it's age, and generally plain design, still had its' perks. Besides, it served its' purpose well.

"A man needs variety, Pasha." Zurikov replied, swirling the drink in his hand, in a kind of meaningless ceremony. He finished what was left, with a quick jerk, remnants beaded at the tips of his mustache. "What of the men?"

"Tired." Pasha said, glad to have switched topics. "We lost about a third, total, before Grishanov was killed, and his army neutralized." He said, cleaning his spectacles.

"Deserters?" Nicolay inquired.

"About half of that. We rounded most of them up." He glanced at his watch, "They should be dead by now."

"Good, Pasha. Very Good." he said, striding towards the window. He ran a lazy finger over Asuka's leg as he passed, staring out the window. "What else?"

"Mikhail Eduardovich sent a runner, saying that they found the underground fuel reserves, and that he is hopeful. We'll see." He took a drink, to hide his smile. Nicolay glanced over his shoulder towards the younger man, his friend, and advisor for the past fifteen years, a wide grin on his face.

"Truly?" A nod. "If so, Pasha… if so, then we could reunite this country." he said turning to face his friend, "We could be like the czars of old!" He took large, ground swallowing steps towards Pasha, and embraced him by the shoulders. "The two of us! Together, we will rebuild this country… better than it ever was!"

"Yes Nicolay," pasha said, trying to share the enthusiasm, "but there is so much left to do… We must prepare." Nicolay smiled at him broadly, giving a nonchalant wave, as though the rest was mere details.

"That's why you're here, Pasha." He said, taking a quick nip at a random bottle lining the bar's shelf. "Gahhh… I'm going to meet Mikhail, I wish to see this for myself!"

"And the girl?" Pasha asked, with a quick hand gesture. Nicolay glanced over, his smile fading ever so slightly, and shrugged.

"Give her something to help her sleep. When she is conscious, introduce her to the others."

"Her clothes?" Nicolay smirked.

"Burn them, of course." He said, the lopsided smile remaining as he strode out of the room. "Give her the black one." he sent a wave over his back, before the door closed behind him.

Pasha finished his drink.

She remembered bits, and pieces. Snippets of light, shape, and voice, none of which making any real sense. The street moving beneath her, red carpet, stairs, a slamming door, excited voices speaking Russian… Asuka sighed, fighting against the headache for more sleep. She turned lazily on the couch attempting to get comfortable.

_Couch…_ the word flittered through her head. Part of her screamed that it was an important change, the other part still trying to string the pieces together. It didn't take too long. In a sudden moment of clarity, Asuka stopped breathing, her eyes popped opened wide in panic. She sat up quickly, gasping. There was a man watching her, drink in hand, from a brown leather armchair, across from her. He was silent, and Asuka was naked. She tried to cover herself. He smirked, and handed her the glass, which she took tentatively.

"W-what is it ?" she asked in German, but the man simply tilted his head in curiosity. After a moment, he gestured for her to drink up, stood, and tossed a simple little dress in her lap, before walking past her. She was shaking, as she tested the liquid. _Water…_ at least that's what her mind was telling her, as she downed the rest of the glass.

She could feel his eyes, as they traveled across her body from behind, eye fucking her. She dressed quickly. The dress itself was old, plain black, and definitely made for a smaller woman. She could still feel his eyes on her, but she was starting to feel warm. _Maybe this won't be so bad…_

She turned around, only to find him a mere two feet away. He smiled, but the sudden grip on her arm was distantly painful, as he practically dragged her around the couch. She was beginning to feel light, disjointed. They left the room, and she scarcely took any notice, focused solely on placing one foot in front of another. The long hallway turned into stairs, another short hallway, another longer hallway, which turned into a door, which turned into another couch. Soft, comfortable, naked. Other faces glanced quickly through an open doorway, friendly looking, but not. Sharp words. The room was dim, warm. He was inside her. Bits, and pieces. Slaps she heard more than felt, like artillery clapping in the distance. He finished on her chest. Sleepy. Another slap. His grin, friendly looking, but not. Tired. Tears. He turned off the lights, on his way out. Sleepy.

Her mind was screaming at her from inside a soundproofed box. Crying out. Asuka fell asleep, feeling nothing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Hello!" the young girl said, with obvious enthusiasm. Shinji nearly jumped at the sudden burst of his native tongue, sufficiently shocked to stare at the girl in silent, wide-eyed wonder. His silence made her question her pronunciation, and try again. He caught it the second time, a slow, uncertain half-smile appearing on his face.

"Hello…" Shinji replied slowly, still feeling unsure. Yuriy was smiling proudly, behind him.

"Her name is Svetlana." He said in his ear, giving an encouraging look to his daughter.

"Hello, Svetlana." She beamed. "um… How are you?" Her smiled disappeared as her mind set to work decoding his words. It took half a minute. He knew she had figured it out, from the way her face lit up. It kind of reminded him of Ming.

"Good!" she said, still smiling.

"She's very intelligent, Shinji…" Yuriy said proudly, "She's been helping me study all week" The young man nodded. "Come, there should be something good to eat left in here." he said, walking past them. Shinji ignored him a moment, kneeling down to Svetlana's level. He extended a hand, which she took. "I'm glad to finally meet you, Svetlana." It took a moment, but she giggled, and shook his hand with exaggerated movements.

Yuriy's good natured rumble of a laugh echoed through the kitchen. To Shinji, it made him look even larger, if that was even possible. "Now, young man, we will teach you how to speak proper Russian!" Shinji couldn't help but loose a short laugh. It was a small step, but it was something, and it was good.

"But.." Shinji countered, "you're getting so good at Japanese…" Yuriy let loose another echoing laugh.

"Yes, but this isn't Japan, young man! You are in Russia, so you must learn to speak like a Russian!" For the first time in what seemed like forever, Shinji felt warm, and he smiled. Yuriy winked at him, his voice more conspiratorial, "and perhaps, how to drink like one."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She felt like shit. Plain, and simple. It was as though someone had taken a ball bat, or a truck, and hit her repeatedly. She wasn't where she thought she last was, and that shook her up a little. It was a large bed, in a large, darkened room. Asuka went to sit up, but a soft hand shot to her chest, stopping her. She grasped at the wrist, fully intending to break it. Her eyes shot to its' owner, and she stopped struggling. It was another girl, Russian, no older than thirty, no younger than twenty five, and no more innocent than her.

A washcloth appeared, as Asuka tried to communicate verbally, with no success. The girl dabbed her forehead with the washcloth, and Asuka closed her eyes.

Flashes of memories from the night before assailed her mind. After the initial shock, the realization of what had happened to her, this new horror to complement the ever growing mountain of horrors, Asuka opened her eyes. It wasn't the fact that it had happened to her that made the tears come, It was the fact that she had someone to share the pain with, she wasn't alone. So she cried. Again. Only this time, there was someone there to hold her, even though that someone didn't even know her name, never even knew she existed until now.

After awhile, there was a sudden, sharp knock at the door. The older girl begrudgingly let her go, straightened out her nightgown, and walked towards the door. Asuka followed her with her eyes, catching sight of the black dress from last night, hanging in the corner. She shuddered.

The door opened, and a large, burly looking man stepped in. Asuka didn't recognize him, but apparently the other girl did. The guy said something soft to her, brushing her cheek with a gentle finger, copping a feel with his free hand. Asuka watched, fascinated. The girl said something back, and the man smiled, handing her a pill bottle. He smiled, shot a glance in Asuka's direction, who turned her head away, and he left, closing the door softly behind him.

The girl padded her way back towards her, as she expertly extracted four pills from the bottle. When she reached the bed, she handed two to Asuka, and produced a glass of water. Asuka has rightfully hesitant, giving the girl a suspicious look that she apparently understood. Asuka ended up taking them anyways. The girl winked at her, broke one pill in half, and took only the half. Asuka simply looked at her, puzzled.

This time the drugs took longer, but the effects were the same, and Asuka was left in a pleasantly numb stupor for the remainder of the morning, and long into the afternoon. She didn't see the girl for the rest of the day, as she drifted in, and out of consciousness.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"The jet fuel is worthless, Nicolay, it's already congealed. But the diesel… The diesel is just fine, my friend." The man said with a smile. They were outdoors, at a small military site hidden in the trees. The site itself was originally built along with many others, not long after the second world war, in an effort to fortify their border with the Chinese. This particular camp, was a fuel dump.

"How much is here?"

"Enough to drive a dozen tanks to Moscow, and back, and this is just one of many!" Mikhail Eduardovich was a large man, about thirty eight. Not very fit, but extremely loyal, and good with machines. If not for him, Nicolay would still be living in the dark. The large mil-spec generators had been a godsend.

"Excellent! And the tanks?" Nicolay asked with a huge smile, pleased beyond belief at the successes of the past month. He felt like the king of the world, which wasn't, he felt, too far out of reach.

"They're old, Nicolay, but practically new. Never used! Mountains of shells, and spare parts." Mikhail said, as excited as his boss. "My god," he said, "No one will be able to stop us." Nicolay's smile reduced to a grin.

"My friend, that is something we'll have to just wait, and see. I want to see you driving a tank into Chita before the week is out. Then, we start training only the trustworthy. You understand why, of course." he nodded. "Good." the broad smile reappeared. "Then let us celebrate!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sun was setting, and time was running out. No one had any idea how long the girl had been missing. The guard in charge of them having been found drugged, unconscious, and naked. He was later shot for his incompetence, but that didn't bring the girl back, and so Pasha started to sweat. It was a sensation he had little love for. The death of the guard had only assuaged his anger momentarily, so at present he was taking out his aggressions on the new girl. He wasn't hitting her yet, but he wasn't too far away.

He decided not to take the chance, however, in the case that Nicolay would take offense. So he dropped her, and she fell like a wet rag. He watched her breathe for a moment, before leaving to check up on the search for the missing girl. He soon wished he'd gone somewhere else.

"Pasha, there you are. Where is she?" Nicolay asked, the smiles of last night a distant memory.

"Who?" he asked, playing dumb for no real reason. He immediately wished he hadn't. The man before him suddenly glaring hard. Threatening.

"You know who." Nicolay growled out, "Find her." Pasha gulped, and nodded quickly. They may be friends, but in the end, Pasha new who was the boss. Besides, friendships post-impact, had a strange way of dieing quickly. "I'm sorry Pasha, but… She is mine. You understand? Mine. She will die, only if I choose, She will live only if I choose." He seethed. "If I have to make that decision without her here… Someone _will _take her place." Zurikov dropped him, and left stalking down the hall.

Much to his relief, he found her two days later.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

They tossed her into a room, with another girl she had yet to meet. She was Chinese, younger than herself, and apparently just as clueless as she was. They had withheld their pills for some unknown reason, therefore, she was tired, sore, and shaking ever so slightly.

Asuka wanted to know why the hell she had to be cognizant. She had grown used to not feeling, in the absence of the older girl, whom she had not seen since her first morning here. Asuka liked being numb, and she wanted to go back. Reality sucked anyways. This place had lights, food, and it was warm. What else could she ask for, other than human dignity. Besides dignity was over rated, especially if you didn't feel anything, and cared even less.

That was when they dragged her into the room. Asuka's eyes shot open, in instant recognition. It was her, the girl who soothed her, held her as she cried, dabbed her forehead with the cool washcloth, gave her the first of the happy pills. She was the one who introduced her to sweet nothingness. She was bleeding.

Asuka's mouth hung open stupidly, as she took in the image. The once beautiful girl was laying face down on the cement, naked, bruised, and bleeding. But she was alive, and there was Pasha standing over her. Asuka knew Pasha very well. He was the one who introduced her to the various positions her job required of her, painfully if necessary, before she met Nicolay, whom she rarely saw.

The wide leather belt came down again, and again, in loud, sharp thunderclaps. Booted feet crushed, and kicked. Knuckled fists mercilessly beat, and punched. Asuka heard it all, but refused to look at anything other than her eyes. She saw the tears there, the silent pleas for help. Asuka saw them all, and suddenly felt a different kind of numb.

The girl eventually stopped breathing, and Pasha left, his message having gotten across.

Don't even try to escape. Try it, and we will find you, then we will kill you.

By the time Asuka made it back to her room, she was crying silent tears. _Fuck nothingness. Fuck the pills…_ she angrily swiped the tears off her face, and took one pill, instead of the customary two. _I'm getting the fuck out of here. _She opened the door to find Nicolay waiting for her, on the bed. Asuka smiled.

A/N: I definitely need a happier story. Honestly, I never meant for it to be happy, but damn… However, The end is near, only a few more chapters. Got this one out quick though, eh? It helps when you have over a month's worth of notes to go by. Also thanks go out again, to TheBigW… it may have took awhile, but your review was the perfect B-day present. Especially since you were my only review… cough Anyways, thanks again for reading, I truly do appreciate it. Until next time, Rob


	9. Lucidity

-1

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, and I'm sure as hell not making any money off it.

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

Adagio for Strings in G Minor

-Albinoni

Chapter Eight: Lucidity

The lazy mid-afternoon sun shined bright, and warm through the gaps yet to be filled by the tree's budding leaves. A gentle, gusting breeze kept the branches swaying; the shadows dancing over, and across Shinji, as he knelt peacefully at the tree's trunk. The mound of dirt, barren, and sunken after the spring rains, felt cool to the touch. So close, yet so very far away.

It was a sensation he had never felt as a child, visiting his mother's grave, surrounded by the thousands of identical markers. Then, he had felt only cold detachment, that the only thing remotely special about it had been the name engraved on the stone's face. However, this felt… different; Ming felt different. Closer, more real. Perhaps, that was why he found himself talking to her here; as though their bond, their love could transcend death. It was silly, a part of him would say occasionally, but it felt right.

"Hey, hon." Shinji said, clearing a few leaves away from the still bare headstone, something he planned to remedy in the near future. "It's a beautiful day, again…" He twirled a leaf slowly by it's stem. "God, I wish you were here." He took a deep breath, to stave off the emotions. A songbird twittered somewhere in the distance.

"Yuriy took the last of my stitches out yesterday," Shinji let the leaf fall to the ground. " Said, the gunshot wounds will leave ugly scars, but otherwise I'm 'Good to go'…" He remembered the upturned table; the bound, and bloodied wrists. He remembered the blood, how it had pooled around their bodies; how it had splattered the walls. He remembered her screams, could still hear them echo through his soul. Shinji screwed his eyes shut, and fought. He fought his guilt for the right to remember the better times. He fought to remember her smile. "I'm trying…" he sniffed, squeezing the bridge of his nose, and released a heavy breath. "I'm trying so hard, Ming… but it hurts." he looked away, "It hurts so bad…" he took another deep breath, to steady his words, "I… I would do anything to get you back…"

"Shinnnnjiiii!" the voice interrupted joyfully. He looked up in surprise, to find a young girl waving excitedly from across the yard. Shinji replied with a kind of half wave, a slight smile forming on his face. He couldn't help the soft chuckle that rose from his throat, as he watched the girl in the yellow sundress play happily in the afternoon sun. With another half wave from Shinji, Svetlana turned her attentions elsewhere

Shinji sported a slight grin, shaking his head in silent wonder, at the simple joys of a childhood he had been robbed of. _Maybe there's still hope_. _Even after all that's happened…_ He looked back to the grave marker, and made a gesture towards Svetlana.

"She looks so innocent, you know? She has your smile, I think. You'd have liked her…" he coughed, and gazed off into the distance for a bit.

"Apparently, I'm gonna be a farmer. Well, as long as I stay here, anyways. Yuriy said we gotta start planting now, so we have food for the winter… Can't say I'm looking forward to it, but…" he sighed, "I think I'll stay here…. Not forever, probably just through the winter, I don't know…" Shinji tossed a nearby rock into the grass beyond the tree's shadow. "I'm just not ready to go, …I'm not sure I could… even… even for --"

"Hey you two, Lunch is ready!" yelled Yuriy from the backdoor, waving for him to join.

"Gotta go…" Shinji said with a smile, as he kissed two of his fingers, and pressed them to the stone marker, letting them linger for a second before standing. Out of the corner of his eye, he could already see Svetlana skipping, and bouncing her way to the house. He glanced back, with a smirk on his face. "See what I mean?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She had lost track of time. Days past as blurs of relative light, as seen through the solitary, curtained window set at the far side of the room. Early afternoons, and the evenings were the highlights; food, and drugs. She had tried to stop, she really did. She had been doing well, too, that is, until they found where she had been hiding the extra pills. It wasn't her fault the damn guard decided to look in the chamber pot.

They had got her good for that. Force fed tranquilizers, and beaten until walking had become nearly impossible; any kind of personal hygiene, an insurmountable task. If left alone for long periods, she urinated, and defecated on herself. Within a week, she attempted suicide.

It had all felt so hopeless. The shock that had so motivated her, having already faded to a gentle, mocking reminder of her failure. She had tried so hard, getting nowhere, it felt like treading water. It felt like drowning. Asuka took an entire handful of tranquilizers, hoping she would just go to sleep. Just fade away.

But she didn't. She didn't just fade away, and she sure as hell didn't go to sleep. She did, however, become violently ill; nearly choking on her own vomit, as she lay prostrated, and naked on the old carpet.

They got her real good for that, laid up for almost a month. But it was just more scars, no biggie. She already had quite an impressive collection. It was almost fun to see Nicolay's subtle cringe, when a scar, new or old, made it's appearance in bed. It was almost fun, that is, until she remembered exactly how she had got them, and why they were visible.

Yet when she was alone, she smiled.

Asuka smiled because now she was fighting back. They didn't know it, but she was. She still hid her extra pills, still fought the cravings, and withdrawals that plagued her every waking hour, and she still had her shank. It was small, and used to be a toothbrush, but it was sharp, and it made her happy. Each stroke used to sharpen its' point felt like another step towards her escape. Her victory. Asuka hid it beneath her mattress, not far from the pills they thought she swallowed. Asuka smiled, because she was finally fighting for herself, instead of a self imposed ideal; instead of a memory. She was fighting for herself, and she would win; of that, she was sure. All she needed was a chance, an opportunity.

There was a quick knock at the door. The afternoon had given way to the evening, without her having noticed. The guard, _her_ guard had arrived bearing gifts. Asuka smiled; it was time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"The T-55 is an amazing animal, Nicolay, but the engine's were roughly machined. They burn through oil quickly, until the rough edges are worn down. After that, they run flawlessly, but…"

"The point, Mikhail…" Zurikov interrupted

"we're running short on oil." Eduardovich finished, readjusting his weight in the large leather chair. Zurikov had, until recently, been making a drink at the wet bar.

"How short?" he asked, with a raised eyebrow, and a hint of anger. Mikhail felt sweat begin to bead on his forehead.

"…Well, you see, with the new mechanized infantry vehicles, and troop carriers, we have enough for a handful of tanks, plus the vehicles we're already using, to run indefinitely, but I wouldn't recommend any more than… eight, perhaps with another two in reserve." Nicolay sighed in response.

"What are we doing about the shortage?" Pasha asked, as he removed his spectacles to massage the bridge of his nose.

"I found evidence of a storage facility northwest of Irktusk, documents found at the fuel depot indicate it to be a large facility. It's the closest I've found." Pasha re-crossed his legs, and looked towards his boss.

"Gentleman, in a week's time, a messenger will be sent to Irkustk bearing an ultimatum." Nicolay paused to let the words sink in. "Irktusk is the first step to controlling the entire region, and if these fools concede, it will be a painless one. Unfortunately," he flashed a dangerous grin," I don't expect them to cooperate." He walked to the wall, where a large regional map had been tacked.

"Regardless of their decision, we will occupy the city shortly after the message arrives. Mikhail Eduardovich , you will depart the night prior with half the infantry, taking positions around the city. You will strike from three directions," he said, while using a marker to illustrate, " the mechanized, and armor units will follow in support, via the roads. We have no night vision so it may be awhile before they reach you. Will that be a problem?" he asked, turning to face them.

"No." Eduardovich replied quickly.

"Good." Zurikov said, with a quick knock to the wooden table. Nicolay pulled out the chair at the table's head, in preparation to sit. He looked over to Pasha, only to find an aid whispering into his ear.

"Excuse me a moment, Nicolay." Pasha said after a moment

"Of course," he said lightly, leaning back into his chair. "Take your time." Pasha nodded weakly, mouthing thanks. He followed the aid, trying to ignore the stare he was receiving from his old friend. No sooner had the door's latch caught, did Pasha have the younger man pinned up against the wall.

"What happened?" he seethed, speaking through clenched teeth. The hapless minion lapsed into shock, stuttering incoherently. "What. Happened?" Pasha asked once more, gripping the man's lapel even tighter.

"T-t-t-t-th-the girl… She's g-g-gone."

"Which one?" Pasha asked, emphasizing each word. The look in his eyes promised pain.

"The redhead." the aid finally spit out. "S-s-s-she killed the guard, and ran." Pasha screwed his eyes shut, and took a deep breath. It would do him no good to shoot the messenger, regardless of how satisfying it seemed at the moment.

"Listen closely…" Pasha said, pointing a thick finger at the man's face. "deploy the home guard. I want pickets set up all the way around the city. Have patrols dig through the city. Do _not _tell Nicolay. Report only to me, understand?" The man nodded quickly, anxious to get away. "I want her found quickly, use whatever it takes. Understand?" he asked, poking the man in the chest. Another nod. Pasha took another moment to glare threateningly into his face, before releasing him to sprint down the hall. Pasha straightened his clothes, and mentally collecting himself, turned toward the door, and pushed back through to find Nicolay, and Mikhail going over the map.

"Problems?" Nicolay asked, with a glance over his shoulder. Pasha could have sworn he felt his heart skip a beat.

"No. No problems." Nicolay eyed him for a moment, spurring a cold sweat, and nodded.

"Then come, we have a country to build." Pasha suddenly needed a drink.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The adrenaline, combined with the fear had fueled a half mile dead sprint into the debris strewn, concrete jungle. She was focused; ignoring the people, and their stares; hearing only the thumping of her heart, and the rhythmic slap of her bare feet as they hit the pavement. Freedom. She could feel it pulsing through her veins, but she knew she wasn't there quite yet. And so, she ran.

It took another quarter-mile before she finally allowed herself to slow, the adrenaline spent, and cramps nearly overwhelming. Asuka gasped for air, swallowing lungful, after lungful, as she clutched at the pain in her side. That's when she realized she was naked, had been for nearly a mile's worth of sprinting. She knew why, her nightgown was still on the floor, where it had been so casually tossed. The bodyguard had been the easy part. The fool thought he could get some action in on the sly, and in a way, he had been right. For over two weeks, he had come at sunset, baring gifts; drugs in one hand, manhood in the other. For over two weeks, Asuka planned.

Tonight, before he could pull out, Asuka trapped him with her legs, clutching him tight against her abdomen, forcing him all the way inside her. He had reached orgasm about the same time she stabbed him in the neck, driving the shank all the way through to the opposite side. Asuka's eyes lit up, as he jerked, convulsed, and wriggled around. She smiled as the life eventually fled from him, nearly laughing as she bathed in his blood. She was still covered in it.

Having caught her breath, Asuka ducked quickly into an alleyway, picking up a chunk of concrete on her way. She picked her way passed the debris of a collapsed wall, already picking out her target. Just a old man, passed out drunk, but she didn't want to take any chances.

Without hesitation, Asuka ran up, and slammed the jagged piece of concrete into the side of its' head. She felt the skull shatter, but didn't stop, hitting it once more, effectively removing the face. Blood oozed slowly out from the head at a leisurely pace, outlining the bricks that made up the alley with a ghastly bright red. Asuka took its' clothes before the body even had a chance to finish dieing.

Breathing heavily, she quickly dressed in the ill fitting, and unfamiliar clothing. They stank of long-unwashed filth, and booze, but it was better than being naked. She made a cursory sweep through all the pockets, finding a six inch switchblade in the old olive drab field jacket. A smile appeared on her lips, as she worked its' mechanism several times, before pocketing it. In another pocket, she found an old, faded photograph, apparently a family portrait. She stopped to gaze at the smiling faces. Ghosts from another time, faded with age, and the longing to go back. She let it fall from her fingers, back towards its' owner.

She had to keep moving. She couldn't afford to think about it, she refused to care. It would only hurt, and it only complicated things, anyway. Asuka finished tying the other ill-fitting boot, and stood. Shots echoed through the night, screams followed. She glanced towards the bloodied mess at her feet one last time, a tear streaming down her face, before she jogged off. It was hard not having a soul, most especially when you could remember having had one.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The weather turned south quickly, as Asuka ventured out into the wilderness surrounding the city. A cold rain fell in a kind of mist from a starless sky, her breath clouded before her. In the dark, everything felt cold, the silence overbearing. She was free.

It felt like forever since she had entered the tree line. For all she knew, she was walking in circles. Asuka could only hope she was walking in the right direction. As fate had it, she was. The headlights of a vehicle told her that, as they raced past her on the darkened road. The roar of the diesel engine brought rise to goose bumps. She watched it closely, as it disappeared into the distance, from her makeshift hiding place behind a tree. Her ragged breaths sounded loud as the silence rushed back to fill the void. She was shaking.

For two hours, all was silent, and all was good. Asuka's spirits rose exponentially with every passing mile. Her feet hurt from the ill-fitting boots, but as far as she was concerned, she was walking on clouds. Asuka couldn't stop smiling. That is, until she saw the car. The one that had passed her so long before. It was sitting peacefully at the side of the road, completely devoid of human life…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The drink sat heavily on the table, a damp ring lined it's bottom. Pasha stared hard at the drink, as he sat in the plush leather, waiting. His guts churned with every passing moment, almost expecting Nicolay to barge in, weapon drawn. A deception such as his was frowned upon in this organization, to the point where it would usually result in the loss of someone's life.

_All this, over a damned girl…_ He frowned mightily at the thought, forcing down a sip of the strong drink. It didn't help the heartburn, but it helped the nerves. Pasha gulped down a yawning breath, and ran a hand across his face, only a moment before a sharp knock interrupted his solitude. The crack of knuckle on oak gave him a start, sending him half out of the chair.

"Come in." He said loudly, after having readjusted himself. He stole another quick sip of his drink before the door opened, revealing the man he had been waiting all night for. "Shut the door behind you." Pasha unnecessarily reminded the man. His aid's footsteps echoed loud off the marble, as he approached, finally coming to a stop several feet behind. Pasha held his breath without realizing it.

"They have her." The aid said evenly, masking his own relief.

"Who?" Pasha asked, blowing out the breath, and hiding his grin with a casual hand.

"A squad from second platoon, echo company… They found her on the east bound road, no more than five minutes ago."

"Excellent!" He said, coming to his feet. "Let me know when she's back in her room, and give those boys some extra rations, and a bottle of vodka!" His smile was unmistakable now, and the aid found it infectious.

"Will do, sir." he said with a nod, leaving his boss with a much improved mood.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Roger…. Two six out." He said, handing the hand mike back to the young man beside him.

"So what do we do with her?" asked another, his breath misting before his face as he spoke, hiding the grin.

"Put her back where she belongs…" he paused, nudging the beaten, and bound girl at his feet. A weak groan issued forth. "Apparently she belongs to the old man."

"No shit?" asked an incredulous voice from the surrounding shadows.

"Bet he'd be happy to get her back… Maybe even happy enough to give us a lil' something in return…"

"Shut up Vlad, you know it doesn't work that way!"

"Wanna bet?"

Voices; incomprehensible, and broken, echoed through her consciousness. The dull pain from the butt stroke to her chest, and the pistol whip to the back of her head throbbed without reprieve. _What Happened? _

"Fuck You!"

"Hey, it's not my fault you got into that shit. Deal with it, asshole."

"Hey! All of you shut the fuck up!" They did.

"Hey ell tee, mind if we take'er for a test drive?" asked one of the six men standing around the supposedly comatose body.

"Jesus…" mumbled one.

"Yeah, can we? How much time we got?" asked another.

"Fuck it."

"Yeah! Fuck iiiit!" squealed a man from the shadows.

She was restrained with flexi-cuffs at the wrists, and ankles; arms to the front. She tested their strength discreetly, with slight movements.

"Damn it! No!" The lieutenant said loud enough to break their rambling. "Sergeant, Get her in the truck."

"Yessir…" the older man grumbled, voice laced heavily with disrespect, and contempt. The old seargent, nodded to several men beside him, as he drew his bayonet.

"Alright… We're leaving." He said, mostly for himself, as his undermanned squad began to move out. _ Animals. _He longed for the way things used to be; the discipline of the old Russian Army. He also longed for the relief of his bladder, which was something much more obtainable. He stepped behind a tree, and dropped fly. Steam billowed off the tree trunk, as he heard the old UAZ-462's diesel engine crank, and turn over with an agreeable rumble. It's head lights came on, only to be briefly interrupted by the passing of bodies, dragging another.

The lieutenant shook twice, and tucked. He noticed a shadow approaching from his periphery. Before he even had a chance to zip up his pants, let alone react, he was caught in a chokehold. The sudden, strong arm wrapped it's way around his windpipe, while another hand appeared on the back of his head. He couldn't breathe. He reached reflexively for his throat, and clawed uselessly at the arms. It wasn't until he started attacking the exposed flanks of his enemy, that he achieved any purchase. The grip loosened, and the window opened. This lieutenant wasn't going to be an easy kill. Two more men joined the fray.

At the truck, one man sat behind the wheel, watching the fray with wide eyes, all the while trying to decide whether or not to help his comrades. The other man, delegated to loading the bound girl into the truck was also distracted by the fight, thus neglecting his charge. It would prove to be a fatal mistake.

At the soldier's feet, Asuka quietly produced the switchblade from her waistband, opened it quietly, and freed her feet. It soon found its' way into the throat of the distracted soldier. He died quickly. Asuka picked up the soldier's fully loaded Kalashnikov, freed her wrists, and entered the already opened vehicle. Whether or not the man behind the wheel survived the hard butt stroke to the back of his head was questionable, but Asuka couldn't have cared less.

The good lieutenant had disabled one of his attackers with a hard hit to the throat, but was currently busy with the bayonet, wielded by the old sergeant, hovering mere inches above his chest. That's when the shots rang out. The old man jerked as the heavy ball rounds impacted his back, forcing the blade downward, and into the lieutenant's chest. He screamed in pain. Luckily, depending on the point of view, Asuka wasn't the best of shots with an automatic rifle, with most of the rounds flying wild, over their heads. Free of the weight, he was finally able to retrieve his service pistol, and return fire. After three shots, the muzzle flashes coming from the truck ceased for an instant, before he heard the truck's door slam home, and the engine rev high. He continued to fire with what was left of his ammunition, trying to focus his blurring sight.

The truck lurched, and stalled. Two more shots, knocking out a headlight, and the pistol came up dry. The lieutenant chuckled weakly at the sight, and tossed the pistol to his side. The truck restarted, revved high once again, before the wheels chirped with the sudden application of torque, and the truck lurched haphazardly down the road. The smirk soon died on the officer's face, the sudden silence no longer amusing. He died cold, and alone, choking on his own blood. His last thought was of his daughter, waiting diligently somewhere in the city.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Scheiße! Scheiße! Scheiße!" She cried out, mixed with pained sobs. A bullet had passed through her left shoulder during the escape. The physical nature of the UAZ-462, and its' manual transmission only served to aggravate the wound. Without the driver's side headlight, the twisting, tree-lined road had become perilous. The constant shifting had become excruciating. Asuka felt a blackout approaching, and she fought it with all she had. The engine revved hard with every gear, as the trees swept past in a blur of grey, and brown.

Downshifting, Asuka cried out with the strain of making a hard right turn, and her vision tunneled as her foot slammed back on the gas. Then she saw it. It took her a moment to rationalize, and realize what she was looking at, and by the time she figured it out, and decided to react, it had been too late.

The large deer stood squarely in the middle of the road, staring dumbly into her sole headlamp. Asuka swerved to miss, managing to only clip its' hindquarters, and left the road. She overcorrected, and the truck rolled twice, before slamming into a tree. Asuka, on the other hand, took a much different route.

On the truck's second revolution, she was thrown out through the driver's side window, and deep into the brush. It saved her life.

She watched the truck burn in a daze for a moment, not feeling the pain. She blacked out, as the sky above showed the first promise of day.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shinji awoke with a start, the low light from the window promising an early hour. It had been the dream again. It had plagued intermittently over the past few months, more often than not concluding with a scream, a thumping chest, and damp sheets. Thankfully, this time his subconscious decided to forego the scream, therefore allowing the house's other occupants an uninterrupted sleep.

Shinji groaned, and turned over, to try and get back to sleep. Over the course of a half hour, he tossed, and turned, yet his mind refused to yield. With a halfhearted huff, he pushed himself up, and out of the bed. With a yawn, he padded his way out of the room towards the kitchen. _Well, at least I'll be able to catch the sunrise…_ he thought bleakly to himself, wishing they still had coffee, instead of the homemade tea Yuriy had concocted several weeks ago. It was supposedly healthier, but Shinji had a hard time getting past the overpowering bitterness of the blend.

Cup in hand, Shinji, scratched, and yawned his way towards the much more comfortable living room. Upon reaching it, he glanced towards the westward facing window, where upon he did a double take. In the early twilight, he could clearly see the soft glow of something burning in the distance. He took a quick sip of his tea, as his mind puzzled over this. Calmly, he set the cup on a piece of furniture, and walked out of the room, with a quickened pulse.

"Yuriy!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sharp crack of his footfalls echoed loudly off the walls of the narrow hall, creating an aura of importance, and urgency. The lowly militia representatives made way for him without question, and the lesser aids looked on in wonder. Had the occasion for such a stride been anything less, he would have taken pride in his perceived importance. However, the message he bore may well be replied to with a gunshot. It had happened before, to his predecessor nonetheless. Needless to say, the aid didn't feel triumphant, or important in the least. In fact, he hesitated at the door to his boss's office.

He took a deep breath, and knocked.

"He's not there." came a voice from a few feet away, a militia captain. The aid turned, dumbfounded.

"W-what?"

"He's not there. He just left for a meeting with Zurikov." The captain said, pointing helpfully towards the ceiling. The aid was breathless, but nodded his thanks regardless, and moved quietly passed the taller man.

"What's up with him?" asked a man next to the captain.

"I dunno…" he answered nonchalantly, with a bored shrug.

Once again, the aid strode purposefully down the hall, and up the stairs, where he was met by another long hall, this time carpeted. He didn't have to travel far before he was in front of the office door. Once again he took a calming breath, and raised his hand to knock. This time, he was interrupted by a large hand clamping down upon his shoulder. The sudden contact made him jump. The aid spun around in a panic, something the face which greeted him did little to alleviate.

"Why so jumpy, comrade?" asked Zurikov.

"I-I have a m-message for Pavel Savyolov…" The aid stuttered, trying to hold it together in front of the much larger man.

"Heh, must be bad news… What is it, I can tell Pasha myself." Nicolay offered, helpfully.

"Ah, no sir, that's… quite alright, I should deliver it myself." he replied, turning to enter the office. Zurikov's hand squeezed tighter, forcing the aid to face him once more.

"I think it would be in your best interest, comrade." The aid's blood ran cold, and he suddenly felt the urge to vomit. He managed to hold it in, at least for the five minutes it took to describe, in detail, the events in question.

"Is that all?" Nicolay asked in a controlled voice.

"Y-yes sir." he replied, nodding solemnly, like a man awaiting the gallows. Nicolay took little notice of the man's reaction, choosing instead to throw the large, double oak doors open with enough force to gain the attention of all those already in the room. He strode into his office with a commanding gait, staring down the surprised faces of the men sitting at the conference table.

"This meeting has been postponed. Everybody get out." He said in a loud voice, ensuring that half of the building could hear him. Nicolay stopped at the small wet bar to fix himself a strong drink, taking it all in a single gulp. He set the crystal tumbler back onto the bar with a resounding thump. He turned to see still shocked faces gazing at him from the table.

"I said, get out!" With this, the small collection of commanders, and advisors practically leapt to their feet, and rushed towards the door with controlled haste. "Not you Pasha, please stay, and talk with me."

Pasha looked back at Zurikov, a slight trace of shock registering on his face, before nodding, and stepping out of the gaggle. The two men watched the group, as they exited the room, the click of the large oaken doors adding a bit of finality to the moment.

"Nicolay…. W-what was that all about?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"Sit comrade, make yourself comfortable." said Nicolay, as he moved towards the large window, overlooking the city square. Pasha did as he was told, the leather creaking audibly with the added weight. Zurikov sipped much more slowly on his second drink, allowing the silence to sink in. A minute passed, and Pasha felt a cold sweat coming on.

"Tell me Pasha, has there been any problems lately that I should be made aware of?" Nicolay asked, still gazing out towards the people lining the streets.

"None… that I know of, comrade." he answered slowly; cautiously.

"Hmph." Nicolay took another sip, as he idly watched someone get mugged in broad daylight. "I bumped into you personal aid on my way here… what was his name?" he asked, with a quick glance over his shoulder.

"Sasha" he said slowly, "He is… a good man."

"Which is more than I can say for some of the people in this organization." Nicolay said, mostly to himself, as he twirled his drink casually with his wrist. "Pasha, why do you lie to me?" he asked, his voice solemn.

"Nicolay! I…" he voiced, coming half out of his seat.

"Spare me, Pasha." Nicolay said evenly, motioning for him to remain seated. "Your aid, at my bequest, filled me in. Most reluctantly, I might add." Zurikov finished the drink, with a large swallow, the ice readjusting audibly in the crystal. "You already know how I feel about my women, especially when one goes astray… and your actions were sufficient to a point…" He held the tumbler up to his eyes, examining it's every contour.

"but, apparently she managed to kill every man in the squad, and escape with their vehicle." Pasha gasped. "These were your men, Pasha." Nicolay said in an accusing tone, once again glancing back towards the younger man. "They have paid for your sin, but not in full." he sighed, "You know the punishment for lying to me…" Nicolay twirled around, and faced Pasha, violently hurling the tumbler across the room. The loud crash made Pasha jump in his seat. "So why did you do it?!"

Pasha's reply was in the form of a whisper, "To prevent this…" He looked up into Nicolay's enraged countenance, a pitiful look on his face. Nicolay produced a small handgun from a desk drawer, and started walking around the table.

"Is that all?" he asked, clicking off the weapon's safety.

"I-I f-felt that… that I could handle it." he said, his voice gaining a tentative strength, "But apparently, I…" he took a deep breath, and screwed his eyes shut, as he felt the barrel come in contact with the back of his head.

"Go on…" Pasha took in another deep breath before replying.

"Apparently, I was… wrong. I should have alerted you."

"You're right." Nicolay said, the sound of the hammer clicking home added punctuation to his words. "You're my friend Pasha… you have no idea how much I loathe doing this." Pasha squeezed his eyes shut as hard as he could, anticipating the sudden pain, and the darkness that would surely follow.

The weapon jerked violently in Zurikov's hand, the report temporarily deafening him. Pasha screamed, and clamped his right hand over the decimated left.

"Don't do it again… Please, for both our sakes." Pasha forced himself to bite back the pain, and nodded. "I'll talk to you later… get that hand looked at."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Load another, Volodya" The man said with a sigh, from behind his binoculars.

"Sir." was the curt, almost contemptuous reply, the younger man twisting about in the confined space, hefting another heavy round.

"You were high. Again. Aim lower, and center mass." The sound of the breach locking into place echoed up through the hatch.

"Ready, comrade." Volodya reported in an irritated tone. He was tired of doing the job of three men, while Eduardovich's lazy ass did nothing but complain. Besides, it was hot in the tank, and the thrill of firing the 100mm main gun had faded significantly. He glanced up to see if he had gotten a reaction, only to be rewarded with the command to fire.

Volodya grunted irritably, and lined up his sights. _I got you this time, you fuck._ He squeezed the trigger, the tank immediately lurched back on it's haunches, and barely a moment later the target, an old burned out truck, erupted with an explosion of fire, and flying metal.

"Excellent shot. Move us back another hundred yards, then we'll do it again." Volodya sighed, and wrestled his way towards the drivers seat.

"Roger…"

"Get the next one, then we'll move on to the machinegun…" shouted Eduardovich from above.

"Great." replied Volodya half-heartedly, as he took hold of the throttle. _Perhaps you could be the target, comrade._

"Wha-?" Eduardovich began, but was cut off by the tank's sudden lurch. The roar of the diesel cutting off the remainder of his protests.

Nearly half a kilometer away, hidden by foliage, a pair of binoculars lowered from a darkened face.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

They had been walking for over an hour. At first, Yuriy had been reluctant to go, unwilling to leave Svetlana alone in the house, yet after a moment's deliberation with Shinji, they had agreed to check it out. Shinji was glad in a way, the soft glow that had permeated the early morning sky bothered him, for a reason he could not explain.

Whatever it was had stopped burning. Either that, or it had become too bright out for it's glow to be seen. And so they walked, neither of them having spoken to the other for quite some time; Shinji on one side of the road, a medics kit slung over his shoulder, and Yuriy on the other, holding the imposing pump action Mossberg.

As soon as they had entered the tree line, Yuriy insisted that they stay off the road. Shinji continued to absently wonder why, as he readjusted the pistol that was lodged uncomfortably into his waistband. He decided not to ask either, Yuriy seemed to get more apprehensive by the mile. _At least _he thought to himself, _it should be a nice day… weather wise, anyways._ He sighed softly, and looked over the other side of the road, only to find nothing but trees.

"Yuriy?" he inquired, mostly to himself. Shinji stopped immediately, and shot a quick glance behind him. There was Yuriy, standing at a crouch, his eyes firmly locked on something ahead of them. Shinji instinctively matched the older man's posture, watching him closely for any indication as to what he should do. He didn't have to wait long.

Yuriy looked to Shinji, pointed two fingers at his eyes, before then pointing towards something to his front. To this, Shinji nodded, and eased slowly towards the road, carefully picking his steps, until he had a good view at what Yuriy had been pointing at. It was a burned out military vehicle, leaning on it's side, up against a tree. Shinji gripped his pistol, bringing it apprehensively to a low ready. Shinji looked back, locked gazes with his companion, and slowly shook his head. To this Yuriy nodded, motioning with his head towards the burned out vehicle.

Both men eased forward cautiously, senses straining for anything that could be perceived as a threat. Yuriy was the first to reach the vehicle, taking a quick look at the charred remains of it's spartan interior.

"Anything?" Asked Shinji, coming up behind him.

"No…" Yuriy replied simply, eyes still focused on the surrounding brush. "Stay here a second." he said, glancing back towards the younger man. To this, he gained no reply. He didn't need one, as the staccato report of an assault rifle, and the loud, angry buzz of a close call provided all he needed to know.

Yuriy had only managed a full-sized step away from the vehicle, before the bright flame of a muzzle blast registered in his peripheral vision. He reacted quickly enough, as was evident by his still intact skull, thrusting himself back into cover.

"Christ!" Yuriy yelled over the maelstrom of bullets impacting the vehicle's frame, some zipping overhead.

"Where's it coming from!?" asked Shinji, who was appropriately shaken at the rapid turn of events.

"Directly in front of us, about forty meters." Yuriy replied, remaining relatively calm. After a few more rounds, the barrage ended. "He's moving…"

"What!? H-how do you know?" Shinji asked from the opposite end of the vehicle.

" Trust me." Yuriy replied, as he leaned back, and out, trying to get a better view. Glancing at Shinji's weapon Yuriy spoke again. "Give me the pistol, and stay put." Shinji did as asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Be careful…" Shinji said, noticeably uncomfortable. Yuriy grinned.

Yuriy didn't skip a beat, as he lunged out of cover, and the automatic fire recommenced, following his movements. Shinji lost sight of the older man quickly, yet the occasional sound of the .45's report lent him a form of reassurance to his wellbeing. The firefight seemed to stretch on into eternity, as Shinji waited impatiently behind the burned out truck, the sound of gunfire ringing solidly in his ears. He felt that he couldn't take much more of this.

_I have to do something…_ Shinji told himself, as he wiped his sweaty palms off on his pants leg. The sudden silence caught Shinji off guard, neither of the warring parties exchanged shots for nearly a minute. He felt unnaturally isolated, and exposed. His breathing unnaturally loud, the thumping of his heart palpable.

The silence didn't last long. It was broken by a single shot, that Shinji recognized as being from his pistol. The impact of the round striking a tree sounded incredibly close.

"Schi-" The softly spoken word was interrupted by the quick staccato of a three round burst. The source of the small arms fire was plainly visible to Shinji, as the muzzle blasts appeared in the brush not five meters away. Shinji hesitated, eyes wide, and unblinking. He gripped the shotgun even tighter, and made his decision.

Ikari leapt into action, his brain switching from rational thought to instinct instantly. Without regard for his own personal safety, he pounced blindly into the brush, as the attacker fired towards Yuriy once again. The person turned immediately, surprised by the sudden appearance of a second foe, and brought the rifle to bear. Unfortunately, Shinji had miss-judged the distance of his jump, landing almost on top of the other person. He was met with the rifle's muzzle, pointed squarely at his chest.

Shinji parried the rifle with the muzzle of his shotgun, just as a burst erupted from it's end. The bright flash temporarily blinded Shinji to the point where the only thing that his mind registered before the butt stock of his weapon collided with the person's face, was the fact that this man had long red hair.

Shinji stood there, breathing quite heavily, and stared disbelieving at the unconscious attacker.

"Asuka?"

A/N: Finally. Sorry it took me so long to get this up… I'm back in the states, btw, which is the primary cause for it having taken so long. The first two thousand words were written in Kuwait, where I also planned out the rest of the fic. Unfortunately, I never picked it back up until about a month ago. During my absence from writing, I lived. Long story short, I went out, enjoyed myself, spent insane amounts of money on a new car, and other things… namely booze, and women. Lol. Of course, now I'm back. Hopefully I've gotten the partying out of my system enough to finish this bad boy. Thank you to those who have reviewed, and provided input.

Rob


	10. Survivalism

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, but you knew that already, didn't you?

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

Lacrimosa

-8th movement of Mozart's Requiem

Chapter Nine: Survivalism

"…and they lived happily until the day they died. The end." Yuriy finished softly, looking down at his daughter, laying sleepily in her bed. He closed the old book, and placed it carefully on the nightstand, with a certain finality.

"Read another one papa?" Svetlana asked with a yawn.

"Not tonight, little one. Now go to sleep."

"Okay papa."

Yuriy smiled softly, placing a quick kiss upon his daughters forehead, before he grasped the candle, and stood. The bittersweet fairytale played over in his mind, as he walked to the door. When the door latch clicked home, he wondered silently to himself. _Where was our happy ending?_

The day had come to a relatively quiet end, despite the mornings excitement. The house stood quiet in the night, with little conversation between its occupants. Asuka's sudden return had taken Yuriy by surprise, and once again he found himself torn mentally. He had yet to forgive her, and had she not had been in such a dire situation, he would have been tempted to leave her where she was. He had no idea what had happened to her in the months since she left, but he knew without a doubt that she had been through hell, and back again. The shear number of scars had become ridiculous; resembling more a road map than a human body. He had wept privately not long after his initial examination, and treatment of the gunshot wound. _So much pain…_ He did not know why, but he couldn't help but feel guilty.

After a quick knock, Yuriy pushed open the oaken door, to reveal the candlelit room. Across the room, Shinji slowly raised his head from his hands, to look at the older man, and nodded. Yuriy stepped into the room, closing the door softly behind him. Between them, Asuka lay unconscious, in an old bloodstained nightgown. They stared silently at one another for a long moment.

"We need to wash the rest of this blood off." Yuriy said solemnly. "I'll need your help."

Shinji nodded, and wiped his face with a forearm. "I'll go fill the bucket." Yuriy felt him brush his shoulder inadvertently on the way passed.

"Shinji…" he said, before the young man could get beyond earshot. Yuriy looked over his shoulder, the candlelight shining bright in his eyes, presenting an almost tearful appearance. Shinji met his gaze, and suddenly Yuriy could not find the words of comfort he had intended to offer. Shinji simply nodded his understanding.

Shinji looked away, towards the darkened kitchen, and quietly told him; "As long as she's alive… she'll have a chance." The door closed between them, and Yuriy sighed.

_I hope so._ He thought to himself, as he carefully measured out the dosage of Thorazine. The needle pierced the vein, blood mixing with the sedative, before he forced it into her body.

"For what it's worth," he said, rising from the bedside stool, "I'm sorry for pushing you away…" Yuriy placed two fingers to the pulsing artery on her throat, and counted silently to himself. "I… never meant for things to turn out the way they did." Satisfied with her heart rate, he checked the IV drip hanging on an old wall mounted electric light, readjusting the flow of saline. "At first I thought that maybe…" he sighed, and stole a lingering glance at her peaceful face. "I mean, you remind me so much of her… It's… hard not to think that maybe..." Yuriy picked up on the sound of approaching footfalls. "I'm sorry." He heard the door open behind him, and with a glance, he saw that the old bucket in Shinji's hands was indeed full.

"Alright. Let's get her undressed." The old oaken door shut.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So they were unable to save it."

"The doctor did not have the necessary resources." Neither man spoke for a moment. Nicolay sighed.

"I'm sorry Pasha, it was not my intention for you to lose your hand…" He placed a commiserating hand upon Pasha's shoulder. " but I'm sure you understand."

"Of Course." he replied without meeting Nicolay's gaze. "What of the girl?"

"She'll be found, and dealt with. Don't worry about it, we have much more important things with which to concern ourselves." Nicolay breathed a silent sigh. "The army marches in two days. I'll need your help with the logistics." Pasha met Nicolay's piercing eyes. "And, your friendship…"

"Of course."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yuriy sat heavily at the kitchen table, the mid afternoon sunlight beaming in through the window above the sink. In his cupped hands, a rapidly cooling cup of bitter tea sat mostly unconsumed. He had worked the fields for most of the morning, they were behind as is, laboring hard in the hot summer sun. More could have been accomplished, had Shinji opted to join in, but Yuriy honestly couldn't blame him. Shinji had told him about their time together fighting the Angels, despite obviously having left many things to the imagination. So Yuriy understood; one does not simply abandon their comrades in a time of need.

What he didn't understand, was why he felt as though he was doing the same.

Yuriy grunted in distaste, as he finally took a sip of the bitter concoction. He stood and disposed of the beverage, and made his way to check up on his two wards. He opened the door quietly, and immediately felt guilty. He felt as though he were intruding upon the two. Thankfully, Shinji was not awake, he could do without having to look into those haunted eyes again. As luck would have it, of course, he would have to settle for a different set.

"Hello Yuriy." said Asuka, her right hand lightly stroking Shinji's shoulder length hair as he slept. "How long has he been like this?" she asked, nodding toward the younger man in muted curiosity.

"Since yesterday morning." Yuriy answered quietly. She simply nodded, closed her eyes, and rested her head back upon the headboard. A silent moment stretched out for a few seconds, neither moving.

"Danke." Yuriy grunted, and with a half-smile, started to close the door. "Yuriy?" She said, turning her head, eye's half lidded.

"Yeah?" he asked, sticking his bearded head back through the door.

"Can I take this damn thing out yet?" she asked, pointing at the IV taped to her forearm. Yuriy seemed to hesitate for a moment, before giving her the nod. Asuka wasted no time, pulling the catheter gingerly from her vein. "So, how bout some coffee?" Yuriy chuckled.

"You'll have to settle for some of my tea, the coffee ran out a month or so ago." Asuka slowly swung her legs out, and off of the bed, settling her bare feet on the carpet.

"Deal." She said, as Yuriy helped her to her feet, and guided her out of the room, towards a seat a the kitchen table.

"You know Asuka, I have to wonder why I'm always finding you passed out, with a gunshot wound. Heh, it really is a nasty habit." Yuriy said, as she sat down.

"Yeah… That's just my luck, could be worse I suppose." He grunted in amusement.

"You're going to want to go easy that arm for awhile, so don't overdo it. You're lucky it's not stuck in a sling."

"No problem." She watched him set the water back on the fire. He glanced back at her, with a kind of sly grin on his face. Asuka fiddled with the lace on her nightgown, amazed by how quickly her situation has changed, once again. She never would have dreamed that she could be in this house again, at this table. It felt strange, but at the same time, it felt right. Almost as if it was meant to be, and everything else was but a dream. Asuka was torn from her thoughts, as Yuriy plopped down across from her at the table, placing a steaming mug in from of her. "Ah, thank you." she said, grasping the mug.

"Your welcome, but I gotta warn you, it's kind of bitter." He said, as he watched her take a cautious sip.

"Ugh, yeah, you could say that… but it's not too bad." Asuka replied, setting the beverage aside. "A lil' honey might help though." He nodded, having already considered the same. They sat in relative silence, each taking in each other's presence. After a time, Yuriy finally broke the silence.

"Asuka, I'm sorry, but I have to ask… What happened after you left here?" Yuriy asked, as his brow creased with concern. Asuka merely stared back at him for a moment, as if in contemplation, before standing. "Asuka?" She turned away from him, and replied with a low voice.

"You don't want to know."

"Asuka," he said before she left the room. She stopped, and looked back at him from the doorway. "Whatever happened… you're safe. You're with us now." Asuka gave a faint smile.

"Good to know."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sun felt good on her skin. It seemed as though it had been an eternity since she last had the opportunity to truly enjoy it. It filled her with a warmth she had nearly forgotten, as she took a seat under the tree in the backyard. She sat on the other side of the tree from the grave marker, watching as Svetlana disappeared behind the tool shed. A light breeze swayed the long grass, dotted here, and there with wild flowers. She closed her eyes, and listened to the birds. The tranquility didn't last long, however. Asuka was forcibly brought back to the here, and now by a certain little girl nearly screaming her name. She smirked, as she rose to her feet to greet the child.

"Asuka!" Svetlana squealed again, as she slammed into her, wrapping her arms tight around Asuka's waist. Asuka rustled her hand through Svetlana's hair, playfully.

"Hey Kiddo, the boys been treatin you alright?"

"Uh huh!" she replied, nodding her head emphatically. Asuka held her at arm's length for a moment, after the embrace.

"I think you've grown too!" She said, after a quick examination. "You're turning into quite the beautiful little lady." Svetlana's smile beamed back at her. Out of the corner of her eye, Asuka could see Shinji watching from the kitchen window, and her smile faltered a bit.

"So what do you think Yuriy?" Shinji asked, as he watched Asuka get led off by Svetlana, no doubt to see her fledgling garden. He turned to face the older man, and leaned up against the counter. Yuriy was still sitting at the table, hands resting by his chin in a fashion that vaguely reminded Shinji of his father. It was an uncomfortable thought, to say the least.

"I don't know what to tell you Shinji…" Yuriy said, bringing his head back up, and resting his back against the chair. "All I know is that wherever she was, it wasn't pleasant. That burned out vehicle was definitely military as well. My guess is she got as far as Chita, maybe Irkutsk, and ran into some trouble. What kind, I couldn't say, because she wouldn't." He sighed. "Medically, she'll be fine. The bullet didn't do any major damage to any of the soft tissue, which in itself is a miracle…" He let out an amazed chuckle, before continuing, "That poor girl's probably been shot more times than I have, which is impressive, to say the least." At that, Shinji's eyebrows rose in an unspoken question, however, the older man remained silent. They could hear Svetlana's laughter from outside, which prompted Yuriy to join Shinji by the window.

Shinji could feel the presence of the much larger man behind him, as he watched Asuka reemerge from behind the shed. "I just hope she finds her peace…" Yuriy sighed, and laid a heavy hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"Don't we all."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So what do you think Pasha?" Nicolay asked, as he watched the infantry formations file into the troop transports in square below, smoke already belching from the diesel exhausts. He turned to face his old comrade, and leaned up against the stone framing the window. Pasha sat motionlessly on the other side of the large oak desk, his sole remaining hand casually covering his mouth in an almost thoughtful manner.

"Honestly Nicolay, I don't know what to think." Pasha said, sitting straighter in his chair, right hand delegated now to his lap. "Are you seeking the advice of a comrade, or that of the disfigured subordinate?"

He could see a searing anger flash across Nicolay's face, before rapidly fading, the anger taken out on the remnants of his beverage.

"As a friend, Pasha… we go back too far for that kind of pettiness." He said, almost growling the words out.

"Well, as a friend, I would have to say that things are definitely looking up." he cleared his throat, before continuing. "You can expect to never see at least half of those men again… who knows about the tanks." Nicolay mulled this over for a minute, before moving suddenly away from the window, in order to pace behind his old friend.

"But do you think this campaign in Irkutsk will succeed?"

"More than likely, if the infantry cannot defeat them, our armor surely will." Pasha replied, turning in his seat, to get a glimpse of the man behind him.

Nicolay stopped directly behind Pasha.

"So you don't think my decision rash?"

"Of course not," Pasha replied with a fake looking smile, "I'd have done the same."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There was a quick knock on the old oaken door, before it opened. Shinji looked up from where he was gathering his few possessions, to see Asuka standing at the threshold in the nightgown she had switched into after their quiet dinner. Despite all that he knew, he still thought she looked stunning, as she stood there in the candlelight, the ghost of a smile on her face.

"I'll be out of here in a second, just grabbin the rest of my stuff." The faint glint of the pistol caught his eye from inside the bag, as he covered it with a pair of jeans.

"You don't have to do that…" she said to him softly, still at the door.

"Well, it was your room first…" Shinji replied, as he zipped the bag closed. "I'll be fine out on the couch, it pulls out into a bed."

"No, I mean you don't have to go." Asuka said, stepping into the room, and gently shut the door behind her. Shinji rose to his full height, as she neared. "Stay with me?"

Shinji stood with his mouth gaped, as she came within a foot of him. "Asuka…. I, uh…" all the moisture left his mouth, and his throat suddenly felt parched, "I… don't know." Without shifting her eyes away from his, she parted her already unbuttoned nightgown, and let it slide over her shoulders, onto the floor. She watched as his gaze suddenly dropped to her unclothed body, his lips working uselessly, trying to form words that refused to come. She grasped his right hand, pulled it up so that it cusped her breast, and held it there. The rest of Shinji's body went rigid, the hand on her chest trembled ever so slightly.

"Please?" she asked softly, the pitch of her voice betraying a bit of desperation. The sound of her voice must have had an effect on him, as his right hand suddenly squeezed ever so slightly. Shinji could feel the lust taking over; it clouded over every thought, and provided him with only action. He took her into a fierce embrace, ignoring her surprised yelp, and all but slammed his mouth into hers. She replied in kind.

For the first time in Shinji Ikari's life, he fucked.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yuriy wiped the sweat from his brow, sending an irritated glance to the offending sun for it's role in his misery. He felt drained, having gotten precious little sleep the night prior. Earlier, having seen Yuriy's disheveled state, Shinji had become visibly embarrassed , and had said little since. For his part, Yuriy wasn't exactly thrilled by the development. It had been many years since he had felt the flurry of conflicting emotions that women are so adept at stirring, and now he was determined to squash them at the first opportunity.

With a grunt, Yuriy tossed aside the heavy plow, surprising Shinji, who had been playing the part of the mule. "A break, my friend"

Shinji smiled uneasily, still struggling with his anxiety. "Alrighty …um, I'll go grab us something to drink."

"Sounds like a plan to me." Replied Yuriy, as he headed towards a shady spot at the edge of the field. Shinji lingered for a beat, wanting to say something, but unable to find the words.

Back at the house, Shinji took off his filthy boots in the mud room, and was startled to find Asuka looking at him from the kitchen. She was still in her nightgown, having apparently just awakened in an otherwise empty bed. Again Shinji smiled uneasily, and with his hand absently scratching the back his head, said "Mornin'…"

"Yes it is…"

Shinji nervously pointed to the large pot on the stove. "Just came in to grab some water" She nodded, but he barely noticed, as he was already walking gingerly past her, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. Asuka sat down at the table, and watched Shinji fumble around looking for a couple of cups.

"Shinji, about last night," she started, as a cup fell noisily to the floor, which sent Shinji scrambling to silence it. Asuka closed her eyes, and shook her head at the absurdity of the situation.

"Yeah?" he squeaked out the word, as he rose from the floor, the offending cup in hand. They looked at each other for a long moment, each afraid of what the other might, or might not say.

"Do you… regret it?" she ventured, without really knowing if she herself regretted it or not. She watched him as he took his time with the answer. Shinji set the cup down on the counter, with a calmness that surprised himself.

"No… I don't regret it" he said, he tone indicating that there was more that he wanted to say. "But, I need to know…" He swallowed unconsciously, with a suddenly dry mouth. "what… where…" He closed his eyes to gather his thoughts, "I mean, w-was it just one night, or… is this supposed mean something more?"

"I don't know" she answered meekly, suddenly unable to meet his gaze. For once in her life, she didn't know what to say. She wanted to say something, anything, to express how the previous night had made her feel, to make him understand. Yet she couldn't. Shinji seemed to have accepted the ambiguity of he answer, had already filled the cups with water, and was on his way back out. He only got five feet.

"Shinji" Asuka called out from where she was now standing by the table. He stopped immediately, turning, with the glimmer of a reluctant hope in his eyes. "I… I want uh" She was interrupted by the slam of the back door, and the flurry of color, and joyous noise they called Svetlana.

"Shinji!" she called, "Papa wants to know what's taking soooo long!" She had drawn out the 'so' in a cute impersonation of her father's gravelly voice. Svetlana gripped his shirt, and lightly shook him to gain his attention. "Shinjiii!" she pleaded, until he finally dragged his eyes off of Asuka, to give the little girl his full, and undivided attention. He gave a quick chuckle, out of reflex.

"Ok, ok Svetlana, go tell your father that I'll be right there." She nodded, and whisked herself through the kitchen, smiling, and giving a quick wave to Asuka as she passed. Shinji was about to say something to her about tracking in dirt, but thought better of it. He looked back to Asuka, with a lopsided grin. "So, where were we?" He saw her lips begin to move, and form words, but his attention was suddenly drawn to a sharp crack, and the sound of Svetlana's surprised yelp.

Shinji turned sharply on his heel to see the heavy front door splinter, and swing violently open, catching Svetlana in the shoulder, and spinning her like a top. On the other side of the door, he could see several men, bristling with shotguns, and assault rifles. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Asuka moving to see what was going on, but he was focused on the men moving in slow motion, the glint of the sun off a bayonet, and the lowering of a shotgun. It was the shot that prompted him to action. He watched in abject horror as young Svetlana's chest exploded into gore, as a shotgun discharged behind her. Three men were rushing through the gap, but Shinji was already moving.

He grabbed Asuka roughly by the arm, practically tossing her like a rag doll into the mud room, and following her in. She screamed, as her wounded shoulder slammed into the far wall. Shinji tried to take quick stock of his situation. This room had no weapons. He turned to Asuka, again grabbing her by her arm, "Go get Yuriy! Hurry!" Before she could say anything, he was gone. He had disappeared through the doorway, and she heard the gunfire erupt. She ran. She ran as fast as her shocked body would allow, colliding with Yuriy before she could clear the yard.

"What's happening?! What the hell is going on?!" Yuriy yelled, grasping her by both arms. He could see muzzle flashes coming from within the house, which made some of the windows appear to be twinkling.

"Shinji…. Attack" she managed to say, but the older man was already moving. He turned after several steps, and yelled back to her

"Find Svetlana, and take her to the shed!" Breathless, she could only nod.

Inside the house, it was as if all hell had been unleashed. Shinji had managed to fling himself into the bedroom, and secure his handgun. The three men he had seen earlier somehow turned into a team of seven, and the shear volume of fire that they had unleashed upon spotting him seemed surreal. For his effort, Shinji had earned a deep graze to his abdomen, and a good deal of splintered wood courtesy of the exploding framework that had once made up the doorframe. The shooting slackened long enough for Shinji to blindly return fire, hitting nothing, but at least forcing them to duck. He reloaded his pistol, and tied a piece of shirt around his wound during the return volley. He knew he had to move, but there was no way he could make it without getting cut down. _Where the fuck is Yuriy?_

Interrupting his thoughts, Shinji was surprised by one of the attackers making a suicide run straight into the room. The man burst through the doorway, half running, half diving, trying to hit Shinji with the wild spray of automatic fire, before he himself got shot. Luck, however was not on his side.

Shinji jumped quickly back, narrowly escaping the spray of bullets, and plugged four unaimed shots into the man. His ears were ringing, but he could still hear the muffled shouts of the other men in the house. Shinji stuffed his pistol into his pants pocket, the barrel searing hot against his leg, and snatched up the fallen man's assault rifle. A shotgun boomed from across the den, emanating from the door to Yuriy's room. Shinji smiled in relief. The old man had climbed in through his own window to join the battle. The shotgun roared again, before he heard Yuriy's voice.

"Shinji!" he yelled over the maelstrom, "How many?!" Shinji watched him duck back into his room, as several rounds smashed into the wall by his head.

"Six, I think!" He nodded, and resumed fire. Shinji joined in with a blind spray from his AK. With a click, his magazine ran dry, and Shinji pulled back again from the door. His hands shaking, and numbed from the constant firing, he fumbled the fresh mag, as he pulled it from the corpse beside him. He racked a fresh round into the chamber, and saddled back up to the doorframe in time to hear the curses that Yuriy was hurling at the men who had invaded his home. After another exchange of lethal, and verbal ammunition, a sudden silence struck the household, neither side firing.

"Can see them?" Yuriy asked, switching to Japanese.

"Not yet" was Shinji's terse reply. No sooner had the words come out of his mouth, Shinji heard something thump against the wall in front of him. He looked over in time to recognize it as two grenades of some sort. His mouth opened wide to sound the warning, but no words came out before his entire world was full of violent noise, heat, and pain.

The twin explosions had thrown him back into the room, against the bed. Shinji was conscious, but dazed, and bleeding from the myriad of lacerations, and wounds caused by the flying shrapnel. Through ringing ears, he could make out the sound of boots crunching through the debris. Shadows fell across him, as the men entered the room. Numb from the shock, he listened to their conversation, while watching them with glazed over eyes.

"This one still alive?" One asked, in Russian.

"Heh. Looks like it." he paused to light a cigarette, "What about the other one?"

"Looks dead to me," said a voice from outside the room. "what a mess."

"Gimme the radio." he paused, waiting for the soft electronic beep that signaled an open line. "Griffin main, this is Tiger three six, over"

"Go ahead three six"

"Roger, found the girl, she's KIA, as well a another male, who was protecting her, break" he coughed into his hand, "We also have one male, WIA, over" The man released the hand mike, and waited for the response.

"Roger three six, copy two KIA, one WIA. What's your status, over"

"One KIA, two WIA, non critical, break" he looked down at Shinji, and nudged him with his foot. "Please advise what we should do with the POW, over"

"Three six, this is main, bring him with, over." The man grimaced, and nodded to the other men in the room.

"Roger that. Three six out."

Shinji lost consciousness.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Asuka had decided that the lack of gunfire was far more disconcerting than the actual firefight had been. She waited in the maddening silence of the shed for what felt like hours, but in reality was probably no more than five to ten minutes. Without a weapon of her own, she felt naked, exposed to the point of absurdity. She hated herself for feeling so useless. She peaked through the sliver of light at the door, in time to see two military trucks, much like the one she had commandeered, drive off in a blaze of dust, and squealing rubber. _Mein Gott…_

Asuka burst from the shed, and ran across the yard as fast as her legs would carry her. Inside the house, a haze of smoke still hung in the air from the grenades, the whole place reeked of cordite. "Shinji?!" she looked into her room, scanning from the doorway. Only a corpse, blood splatter, a rifle, and scattered shell casings were there to greet her. A sense of panic gripped her gut, as she turned towards Yuriy's room, which from where she stood looked like it had been hit with a bomb. "Yuriy?!" She called out, hesitant to even look. _Please God._

A low groan emanated from the room, and Asuka rushed forward through the door. Laid out in a large pool of his own blood, she found Yuriy groggily grasping at his thigh. She ripped off a long strip of her nightgown, and tied it tight around his leg, which seemed to be the worst of his injuries. Yuriy was too far out of it, to be of any help to her, and far too heavy to move. She sat back on her heels with an exasperated cry. _What the fuck am I gonna do now? _She thought, _So much for being 'safe' …fuck!_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _

_The sun was low on the horizon, and the harsh reddish light forced Shinji to squint his eyes, as he regained consciousness in the back of the truck. He felt sore all over, and the rough ride did little to alleviate the pain. His hands were bound tight behind him, and he looked up at the soldier next to him in time to receive a smack in the face from a butt stock. Shinji Ikari's world devolved once more into a black void. The two trucks drove quickly through the streets of Chita, crossing over the Ingoda river, and into the center of town. The drivers stopped for nothing, people caught in their path were forced to scramble for the side of the road, or try their luck with the bumper. As they came into the city square, the soldiers announced their return with several bursts of rifle fire into the air. It was a common occurrence, and few heads actually turned in their direction. The most common reactions were hunched shoulders, and a quickened pace. _

_They came to a hard stop in front of old KGB Building, and the men dismounted. The young lieutenant in charge of the group started up the steps, only to be met by a man he had only seen only twice in his lifetime. Both of those times, the man had been no more than two paces from Nicolay Zurikov himself. The lieutenant came to a startled, and abrupt stop. Pasha continued down the steps, and greeted the young man with a slap on the shoulder. _

"_Good job today, soldier!" he said with a politician's hearty grin. "Where's the girl, hmm?"_

"_Uh…" he started, unsure as to how he should respond to such informality, "she… She's dead sir, died in the firefight first thing." The older man's smile faltered, and immediately the lieutenant wished he could have been somewhere else. _

"_Then who's that?" Pasha asked, with a jerk of his head towards where two men were hauling Shinji out of the truck. _

"_One of the men protecting her…" he replied, "We're taking him to the holding cell, maybe ask him some questions before we eliminate him."_

"_He killed one of your men?" Pasha asked, suddenly turning his attention back to the young lieutenant._

"_Yes sir, Sergi."_

"_And he may have had a hand in the attack against the squad a few days ago?"_

"_We believe so, sir." he answered, still uneasy. Pasha gave a short 'humph'._

"_Then string him up, lieutenant. Lets make an example out of this…" he made a quick dismissive gesture towards Shinji's limp body, " this ridiculous looking fool." _

"_Heh, my pleasure, sir." He said, but Pasha had already started walking back towards the building. With a shrug of his shoulders, he turned back to his men. "Take him to the rack." He watched as a sick smile appeared on the their faces. The lieutenant left them to their fun, he still had to report to the battle captain. _

_Several hours later, Shinji came to, in what was now agonizing pain. Through it all, he could feel a cool breeze against his exposed skin. His eyes opened into slits, a spotlight nearly blinding him from below. Now nearing a panic, he belatedly noticed that he was naked, suspended above the ground by his arms, his feet bound at the ankles, and hanging in space. His wounds had been left untreated, and in some cases, he was still bleeding out, though it had trickled down to a slow seep. _

"_Greetings, my friend." came a gruff Russian voice from below him, and to the right. Shinji's head lolled towards the sound. "You may call me Nicolay." Before Shinji could even process the man's words, he was struck hard across the thighs with what appeared to be a night stick. _

_Shinji cried out helplessly in his misery. He was crucified. _

_A/N: wow… First off, I'd like to apologize for the absurd amount of time it's taken me to finish this chapter. It basically sat at about 3 pages for nearly a year, with me periodically dabbling with it when I remembered it. I'm sorry. Well, for those of you who care, it's been a very eventful time since I last added to this story… long story short, I fell in love, got engaged, maxed out a credit card, deployed to Iraq again (I'm still deployed), my fiance left me for another woman, been blown up several times, paid off my credit card, lol, and the drama just keeps on coming. Anyways, just so you know, I will finish this story. I just can't tell you how long it's gonna take, but if the last week is any indication, It could very well be in the next few months. As always, thank you very much for reading, and if you review (please do), I thank you even more. Till next time…_


	11. The Final Cut

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, but if you still feel the need to sue, you should probably do the world a favor, and kill yourself

A/N: This is the culmination of over two and a half years of work. I hesitate to call it work, more like a labor of love. This story has evolved countless times before my eyes, and it has been a joy to write. I'd like to thank all of you who have read, and reviewed this story over the years, it was your reviews that kept me wondering how, exactly, will it end. So please, if you will, grab a beverage, sit back, and enjoy the final installment.

The Way Out is Through

By Ovrboost

High Hopes

-Pink Floyd

Chapter Ten: The Final Cut

At the end of the soviet war in Afghanistan, Russia was humiliated. The world now knew that the massive soviet army was not invincible, and could indeed be defeated. With the fall of the Berlin wall, and the birth of democracy in Russia, the old Soviet block promptly fell into chaos. Chechnya was one of the first to rise in open rebellion.

1991

Chechnya

"Christ it's cold!" exclaimed a soldier who stepped out of the shelter of the dingy field tent, and into the winter night.

"Oh, stop complaining Yuriy, we all know it's cold." said another, who stood next to a large wooden pole serving as a road block.

"Hey, just because your wife got you used to this misery, doesn't mean we are." he shot back, grinning. Rocks crunched beneath Yuriy's combat boots, as he strode up to the checkpoint. The man chuckled at the retort.

"One day Yuriy…" he said, pointing a finger, "One day, after you hit puberty, you'll know what it's like to have to put up with women." Yuriy scoffed, and playfully gave his friend a faux backhand.

"Fuck you Valentin, and for your information, I have a girlfriend, and her name is Vanya. I'll show you a picture when we get off shift."

"Oh really?" he asked, pulling some vodka from his pocket. He hefted the bottle, with a questioning glace.

"Please. But yes, really." Yuriy continued, "I met her while I was visiting my grandparents in Moscow. Did I tell you they're gonna put up the money so I can go to school?" It was Valentin's turn to scoff.

"Still wanna be a doctor huh?" Valentin queried, and proffered the vodka bottle, which Yuriy took quite gratefully.

"That's the plan." He said, with a sip. "Mm, car's coming" Valentin looked over his shoulder, and saw the headlights. He breathed out a curse, and snatched up his rifle from up against the guard shack, Yuriy did the same.

"Nicolay; Ivan; Boris, Get out here! Car!" Yuriy belted out, as he took up position, opposite of Valentin, tossing the bottle back to his friend. The others came out of the tent, muttering curses, and brandishing rifles. Nicolay took charge, standing in front of the barricade, and motioned for the driver to stop.

The car came to a stop, the brakes squealed slightly, and the gravel crunched loudly under new tires. Nicolay stepped back., as Boris saddled up to the driver's side window, and asked for paperwork. _Routine, _he thought, and turned his back to shield a cigarette from the wind in order to light it. The others visibly relaxed, and lowered their rifles, as they saw their lieutenant light his cigarette. Boris handed back the paperwork, and signaled for the gate to be raised. It would prove to be the last thing he ever did.

Boris had failed to notice the two men in the backseat had been holding AK-47 assault rifles on their laps, beneath a blanket, just as he had also failed to note that they were holding the doors closed. When he had turned his back to the car, the rear doors flew open, and the men stepped out. The driver produced a pistol, with which he proceeded to blow Boris's life out the front of his forehead, and into a pink mist. The Russians guarding the checkpoint were suddenly caught unawares. So intent on retreating from the cold, they had lost precious seconds of reaction time. The two gunmen opened up on them with their rifles on automatic.

The sudden barking of the assault rifles masked the pained grunts of surprise, as first Ivan, followed shortly by Valentin took the majority of the opening bursts. Yuriy dropped down to a knee on instinct, and returned fire into the cab of the car, reducing the driver to a perforated carcass. For his part, Nicolay dived to his left after hearing the first gunshot, and found himself temporarily out of the line of fire. The gunmen were yelling curses, as they shifted fire. They shot everything in their frenzy, Yuriy included. Having taken two rounds, one to the upper chest, and the other to his right arm, Yuriy lay bleeding on the ground, and in shock. He managed to fight through the surprise of being wounded, and sit up with his rifle, putting a burst through the chest of one of the gunmen. The lone Chechen fumbled with a magazine change, but was rudely interrupted by Nicolay, and his service pistol. The first two shots took the man down, but Nicolay advanced on him, and emptied the remainder into his face, to be followed by a healthy dose of spit. After a moment, he turned, picked up the cigarette he had dropped earlier, and took a deep drag before flicking it away.

Yuriy coughed, and tasted blood in his mouth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

2021

Present Day

Yuriy's breath caught, and he half choked on the taste of blood in his mouth. His eyes shot open, and realization stuck him like a thunderbolt. Yuriy sat up with a roar, his head swimming in the dark room. The noise startled Asuka awake, where she sat dozing up against the wall.

"Yuriy?" she asked with a tired voice. He didn't hear her. Before she could say anything further, Yuriy stood to his full height, swaying slightly, racked a round into his shotgun, and lurched out of the room. "Shit…" she breathed out the word, and hurried to her feet to follow.

"Shinji!" he roared out, using the walls to steady himself. Asuka came out of the room, and watched him walk from her room, through the kitchen, and back again. "Svetlana!"

"Yuriy…" She said softly from beside him. He turned, and looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time.

"Asuka," he said breathlessly, "Where's Shinji?" The look on his face was breaking her heart all over again. The whites of his eyes stood out bright in the darkness.

"They took him." He grimaced, and looked as though he were about to fall over.

"Svetlana?" he asked without really looking at her. There was something about his voice, that took all the strength out of hers.

"Yuriy… I'm so-"

"No." He said, sliding down against the wall. His knees cracked loudly, as they past ninety degrees.

"Yuriy… Im so so sorry." She tried to put a hand on his shoulder.

"No!" he roared out again, but he knew it was no use.

"Yuriy, She's…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Dead." he said with a half smile. "Your precious little red head is dead. Didn't you know?" Shinji's head lulled back and forth. Nicolay used the nightstick to raise Shinji's head, and looked into his eye. He looked like a man who had just finished the boxing match from hell, with his left eye swollen completely shut, his face covered with his own blood, and sweat. "Did you ever get a chance to fuck her? Hmm?" Nicolay asked with a mocking voice. Shinji's lips curled back to reveal blood stained teeth, and mumbled something unintelligible. "Too bad." he said, letting Shinji's head drop again. "She was… enjoyable. One of my favorites, despite all of her scars." At this, Shinji's head shot up, and he glared at Zurikov.

Nicolay laughed loudly. "Oh, she didn't tell you?" he asked, with a broad smile. "You don't know?" He laughed again. "Oh yes, my friend… I've had her more times than I can remember. It's a pity I shall never enjoy her again." Shinji mumbled again, behind clenched teeth. "Hmm? What was that?" Nicolay asked, getting closer. When his face was inches from his own, Shinji spat a large wad of bloodied spit into Nicolay's face.

"I'll fucking kill you." Nicolay produced a handkerchief, and wiped the offending spit from his face, and grimaced.

"No," he said, slamming the nightstick into Shinji's abdomen, "you won't." He followed up with a shot to the kidney, and Shinji cried out in pain. "In fact," Nicolay continued, using the weapon to break Shinji's right forearm, "you are going to die right where you are." Shinji was on the verge of passing out from the pain, his vision tunneling with the sudden release of white hot pain. "So why don't you save yourself some trouble, and tell me where the rest of your compatriots are, hmm?" Shinji didn't answer, mostly because he was unable.

Nicolay turned from the unconscious young man, and firmly placed the bloodied handkerchief on the chest of the guard in front of him. "Let me know when he regains consciousness." He looked back momentarily, and handed off the night stick. "raise him back up." With that last order, Nicolay strode back into the building. The guard nodded to another, who had been standing next to the winch. It gave off a satisfying clicking sound as he turned the crank, and slowly raised Shinji until he was hanging three stories above the pavement. Blood, and sweat dripped down from his body, and sizzled when it hit the spotlight.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shinji found himself back in Japan. After roaming the decimated countryside for over four years, he was at the end of his road. That morning, he had buried his last body, his last 'Asuka'. As far as he was concerned, he was finished. The world had ended, only to begin again, and it all had left him hollow. The building he picked had been non-descript, a two level concrete apartment building; the room he was in was similarly non-descript. The cracked concrete room, covered with the scattered remnants of a forgotten life, of a forgotten man, or woman, had one important feature; It had a large picture window, that faced to the west. There was a hook in the ceiling, supposedly for some kind of plant; he decided to use his belt.

As the sun set in a symphony of colors, Shinji mounted the chair, and slipped the makeshift noose around his neck. He stood there watching the sun. He had already decided to watch it to it's last, and then take the step. The subtle colors played on his retina, while his mind searched for a classical piece to accompany this one last moment. Shinji watched himself, as the sun dipped below the horizon, and the day faded to twilight. He stepped off the chair.

Bad luck. The quick fall didn't break his neck, and he started to suffocate. Shinji's limbs thrashed, and his face started to turn purple. His eyes bulged as he fought the pain, and his fingers clawed uselessly at his neck. Shinji watched himself suffer for what seemed like an hour. His limbs started to slow, and the fight was all but over. He was dying. Finally.

Fate, however, had other ideas.

The door to the apartment creaked open slowly, and a girl appeared at the doorway, peering in cautiously. It didn't take her long to find the young man suspended from the ceiling clawing drunkenly at his throat, a knocked over chair beneath him. To her credit, she reacted quickly. She dropped her bag, and rushed to him. She righted the chair, and unsheathed a knife which she used to slice the belt in two. It took a couple tries, but the belt eventually gave, and Shinji fell quite unceremoniously onto the hard floor. He had already blacked out, but she took the time to bring him back to life.

Ming. Shinji felt himself shudder within the dream. The fire they had built that night was warm, and he had found comfort in her company. The words, disembodied in the haze, echoed loud in his ears. She had seemed so innocent, yet strong enough for him to lean on her when needed. She had given him reason, and love. And, above all, she had saved him. The dream swept him away from the warmth of the fire, and deposited him on a Russian road.

Asuka. Shinji felt the goosebumps rise. "Shinji… Look at me…" she said, "You can't give up…" He could still feel her arms around him. The memory fresh, and vivid enough that the scent of her permeated his dream. "Promise…. Promise me you won't give up…" As bad as it was, for some reason, he didn't want to dream anymore.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"We're close," said the driver of the UAZ, after he had shook Sasha awake. He nodded his understanding, and sat up in the passenger seat. Sasha watched the trees flash by his window in the grey early morning light. They had had a late start, and were forced to drive all through the night in order to make the deadline. He could still remember the curses of the tank drivers, as they weaved through their column in order to get out ahead of them. Remembering their curses, he swore quietly to himself. He knew why he was here. He knew exactly why he had been given the 'honor' of being the messenger. If it hadn't been for that stupid girl, and her friends, he would still be ferrying orders, and fetching coffee.

Sasha had been horrified by his boss the previous night. Pointing at him with the stump of his left hand, accusing, and mocking him. Sasha had wanted to protest, but he knew better than that. To proclaim innocence, was to invite a bullet. _Not that this 'mission' is much better_, he thought. He watched the trees thin, and then disappear into houses. Irktusk.

"Slow down, no need to get shot at before we have a chance to deliver the message." Sasha said, and turned back to his window, where the number of buildings before him had increased significantly. He felt the truck downshift, and he looked up to see a roadblock manned by three armed men. Sasha cleared his throat, and sat up higher in his seat. _Play this right, and maybe they'll have a message to return…_

The moment the truck came to rest, Sasha had the door open, and he walked, hands open, and arms out, towards the men at the roadblock. He tried to put a disarming smile upon his face, but it did little to improve the stony countenance that stared back. Sasha heard one of them click off the safety on a rifle.

"I come bearing a message from the great Nicolay Zurikov!" he shouted, so that all those present could hear. There was no visible reaction from the soldiers before him, and Sasha let his arms drop to his sides. Their silence aggravated him to know end. "Didn't you hear? I said-"

"We heard what you said." replied one of the soldiers, who nodded to an unseen comrade behind him. "And here is our answer."

"Wha-?" Sasha was dumbfounded, he was suppose to have an audience with their commander, not take orders from a lowly soldier. He heard a 'chink', like two glasses coming together, behind him. Confused he turned to see what it was. In the middle of the driver's side windshield there was a hole, not much larger than a dime. Beyond that, he saw the slumping form of his driver, now most obviously dead. Sasha turned back to the soldier in horror, only to find him smiling, and aiming a rifle at his chest.

"Go to hell." The soldier's rifle barked out three rounds into Sasha's chest.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

At approximately the same time Sasha hit the ground, five kilometers away, Mikhail Eduardovich kicked his heavy boots up onto his field desk. All of his men had reached their pre-attack jump off points without a hitch, and all he was waiting on was the appropriate time. The temperature rose along with the sun, and Mikhail was immensely grateful that he had set up his command post beneath the trees of the forest. _Always nice to fight in the shade_, he thought. Twenty more minutes, and they would be on their way to controlling one of the largest cities in this part of the country, not to mention, a very large strategic oil reserve. Mikhail indulged himself with a premature self-congratulations on his cunning victory.

While Eduardovich was busy congratulating himself, his men sitting well forward of his position started to look curiously at the sky. Something that sounded like a cross between a jet airplane, and slowly ripping paper soared over their heads. The older soldiers among them cursed.

Mikhail was laughing with an aid over a dirty joke, when he heard the high pitched noise of the falling artillery shells. The smile died on his face, about the same time the first shell exploded against a nearby tree, sending deadly shrapnel, and fragments of said tree into the surrounding air. Eduardovich felt the deafening concussion, and the burning pain of shrapnel wounds knock him off his chair. Luckily for him, the second round was a direct hit, and he felt no more as his body, along with the only hope that remained for his men to mount a coordinated defense was vaporized in the resulting explosion.

The deadly barrage of shells, and exploding trees ended after an hour, having decimated the largely unprotected infantrymen. The survivors were disoriented, deafened, and already defeated by the time the shock troops arrived to mop up the scene. They took no prisoners.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sun had finally freed itself from the eastern horizon by the time they had finished. They had made their way silently towards the small clearing during the night. Asuka knew enough to refrain from asking questions, in fact it seemed almost as though her presence was merely being tolerated. She took in the area, as best she could in the darkness. The large tree in the center filtered most of the moonlight into tiny weak beams, and she could just make out an old swing, and a grave marker. They buried Svetlana next to her mother.

Standing together in the morning light, they both gazed down upon the fresh dirt. It had a certain sense of finality to it, yet at the same time Asuka knew that this was by no means the end. Not by a long shot. She looked over to Yuriy, who for the first time in the past six hours managed to look back, and acknowledge that fact that yes, she was there. His eyes were no longer smiling, in fact, she would say they looked quite deadly.

"I know who did this, and where to find them." she said, her voice low, but still distinguishable from the soft gurgle of the nearby creek. Yuriy simply nodded, and turned away.

After several steps, he stopped. "Tell me everything." he said, then continued walking. Asuka followed, but didn't begin to weave her tail of death, and misfortune until they had cleared the forest, and she could see the light of the sun again; She had to have something to fight off the cold chills. By the time she had finished, they had already reached the house, and entered through the back door. In the kitchen, he simply said, "Wait here," and walked out. She was getting incredibly uncomfortable, as all that she had been able to get from him during the walk back were nods, and the occasional grunt. She needed him to say something, anything. The silence was almost too much to bear, especially after having imparted something so personal, so degrading, something so humiliating as that. She felt dirty.

Minutes ticked by, and Asuka was becoming impatient. Finally, just a moment before she was going to go and figure out what he was doing, Yuriy appeared, carrying a large footlocker. She could tell it was heavy, by the strain evident upon his face, and the way it shook everything after he dropped it onto the kitchen table. Asuka stood back and watched as he unlatched it, and opened the lid.

"What's that?" she asked, almost afraid to know the answer. He looked at her a moment, and before she could say anything further, flung an AK-47 assault rifle at her, which she caught with a grunt. He slung another over his shoulder.

"I picked these up after what you call third impact. This," he said, looking straight into her eyes, "is our vengeance." Asuka nodded, and walked closer, to where he was hand loading a magazine. Silently, she grabbed another empty magazine from the box, and incidentally brushed his hand with her own. The touch felt electric, Asuka jerked her hand back, and the magazine clattered noisily to the floor. She quickly snatched it up, a slight, embarrassed blush rising in her cheeks. Yuriy paused to look at her for only a moment, then another round clicked into place. Asuka grabbed a handful, and started on hers.

"You know this is probably a suicide mission, right?" Asuka asked.

"Yes."

"We're gonna need more weapons, and a car."

"Way ahead of you."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Anything yet from Mikhail?" Nicolay asked, as he strode into the tactical operations center (TOC). The medium sized room was a mass of wires, radios, maps, overlays, and all the people required to man it all. Nicolay joined Pasha up against the wall, where he could see everything.

"Nothing yet comrade, though his attack should have commenced about a half hour ago." Pasha replied, and snubbed his cigarette out in an ashtray. He blew smoke out through his nose, " The tanks are about twenty kilometers out. If Eduardovich ran into any trouble, they should be able to bail him out."

"Excellent." Nicolay said, "Any problems with radio contact?"

"None so far, though like I said, Eduardovich's element lost contact when they entered the forest. We should be able to pick them back up once they establish contact with the armor." Pasha offered Nicolay a cup of water, before continuing, "Find anything out from the scarecrow?" Nicolay laughed.

"Heh, no, not much, my friend. Though I don't think he approved of our relationship with the girl." he said with a grin, "Not that it really matters… She's dead, and he'll probably join her before the day is done."

"Ah, which reminds me…" Pasha said, another cigarette hung in the corner of his mouth, "Josef paid me a visit, and dropped off another one of his 'findings'."

"Oh really?" Nicolay asked, his curiosity peaked. "And how is she?"

"Suffice to say, comrade, you will not be left wanting."

"Hmm, perhaps I should go introduce myself to our new guest."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Fifteen kilometers outside of Irktusk, the column of eight T-55 tanks rumbled down a road, surrounded on either side by the thick trees, and brush of the forest. Despite the condition of the roads, they were making good time at forty kilometers per hour, and they expected to be joining the battle shortly. The command tank was easily spotted, as it was not only at the head of the column, but it sported an array of antennas on it's domed top. It would be, the tank commander felt, an excellent day for battle. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to him, the battle was only moments away.

The driver in the lead tank was drowsy. The long hours of monotonous driving, and the constant vibrations had dulled his senses, so when he saw a thin strip of metal laying across the road just in front of his tank, he paid it no mind. I would prove to be a fatal mistake. That thin strip of metal, was actually two, banded together, to form a pressure switch detonator for the buried ordinance on either side of, and beneath the road. The resulting explosion was spectacular. It was as if the entire road leapt up, and swallowed the tank whole. The daisy-chained explosion ripped free of the ground, and decimated the first two tanks, actually sending them airborne. The crews never knew what killed them.

The remaining six tanks were forced to slam on their brakes, and they bunched quickly. No sooner had the last tank saved itself from a collision with the one before it, a hail of RPG fire rained in on the column from the right, and behind. The were caught in a classic L shaped ambush, and there was very little they could do about it. Two RPG's slammed into the vulnerable rear of the last tank, penetrating into the engine compartment, and disabling it. The trees along both sides of the narrow road prevented the remaining tanks from traversing their turrets, and returning fire. For the tankers, it was all over, except for the dying.

Further back in the wood line, the man responsible for the ambush smiled, and shook the hands of those around him. With humor, and confidence in his booming voice, he addressed his radio operator.

"Send word to Zaitzev; He is free to attack at his leisure."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The day had been a long one, and for those assigned to the so called 'Home Guard', it had been a relatively uneventful one. The evening brought with it a cooler, and vaguely festive air. On the eastern checkpoint, the sun was at their back, and the bottles were just beginning to come out. Conversation was light, and each man was looking forward to being relieved; The city was calling their name. When they saw the approaching vehicle, they were reluctant to abandon their card game, and vowed to exact some kind of petty revenge on those who dared to interrupt their precious game.

The old car that approached them was belching smoke from it's exhaust, and had obviously seen much better days. One of the men cut a joke at the expense of the unknown driver. They began to expect something was amiss when the car failed to slow, instead, it belched more smoke, and accelerated. The men raised their rifles, and prepared to fire. When the car was no more than one hundred meters away, showing no intention of stopping, they opened fire, and the driver dove out, onto the shoulder of the road. The small arms fire made no difference, as the unmanned car barreled through the road block, the guards diving out of it's way. With a sudden, blinding flash, the car disappeared in a fireball, as the bomb in it's truck detonated. The barking of an assault rifle marked the end of any of those who remained at the checkpoint.

Asuka had finished stripping the extra magazines from the bodies, by the time Yuriy limped up to where she was. He looked at the satchel bag full of ammo, and nodded breathlessly. "They had a truck behind the guard shack." she said, with a jerk of her head towards the burning building, "Want me to show you around town?"

"Lead the way" he said, paying little attention to the burning wreckage, and bodies around him. They had lucked out. In the bed of the truck, the guards had left an RPG launcher, complete with attached warhead.

The truck started easily, and Asuka slammed it into first gear. Her shoulder was beginning to bother her, as she man-handled the vehicle towards the city. To her right, Yuriy stared out at the surroundings without comment, his shotgun rested on his lap. They rode on in silence until they reached the city.

"Asuka," Yuriy finally said, as they drove through the drifting smoke from a fire barrel. Asuka looked over to meet his gaze, and in that instant, an unspoken understanding passed between them. One warrior to another; One wounded soul to another.

"I know Yuriy," Asuka said, pulled the truck over, and switched it off. In the sudden quiet, she said, "I know", and Yuriy nodded. They dismounted quickly, Yuriy grabbing the rocket launcher out of the bed of the truck. "This way."

The people on the street parted quickly for the two, nervous, and wary of anyone so obviously armed to the teeth. Asuka led Yuriy through the alleyways, as the twilight took over. They moved with a purpose, and with caution. They managed to reach a building that skirted the town square without incident, having avoided being spotted by anyone of consequence. By the time they broke in, and reached the top of the stairs, day had officially transitioned into night, and the light, and sounds of the square filtered eerily into the building from the broken windows. The room they picked had as good a view of the government building, and the square as one could wish for. They leaned against the wall on either side of a window, their assorted weapons at their feet, and peered out. What drew their eyes first, was the spotlight. What they saw after that, drew a gasp from Asuka. Yuriy groaned.

"Shinji" Yuriy said, as though the person he was referring to, were already dead.

"Oh no…" Asuka said, feeling sick, and with a half sob said, "Oh… oh god no…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nicolay sat alone in his office, nursing a stiff drink, and looking out the window. The lack of news from Irkusk sat heavily, like a weight upon his shoulders. He had expected a relatively swift victory, and by all rights should be in the midst of celebration. Instead, he sat pondering his options, trying to figure out a worst case scenario, and how to respond to it, with the resources he has left at his disposal. The ice melted in his glass, and he lost interest in the drink. A loud double knock at the heavy door brought him out of his deliberations.

"Come," he said, loud enough for whomever it was to hear, without him having to turn his chair to face the room. Nicolay heard the door open, and the familiar sound of footsteps on the thin carpeting. The door closed, and he asked, "Any word yet?"

"No comrade," it was Pasha, his voice solemn, " No word yet, we've also lost contact with a checkpoint on the eastern edge." At that, Nicolay turned in his chair, to face Pasha, his face spoke of confusion.

"The eastern edge?"

"Yes sir, I've just dispatched some men to look into it, they should be there within the half hour." Nicolay stood, and made his way over to the map hanging before the conference table. He studied the road network spanning between Irktusk, and Chita.

_A flanking counter-attack? The very notion of such a thing sobered him up quickly. "Pasha, I want you to deploy the rest of the infantry into defensive positions around the city, with a quick reaction force here in town. They need to be ready to roll, at a moment's notice." He paused, "How many tanks do we have left?"_

"_We still have the two operational ones we held here on reserve." Pasha answered. _

"_Good, send them to support the infantry. Have them dig in, just in case." Nicolay said, finally turning to his old friend. "Pasha, I have a bad feeling about this, we should have heard back from Mikhail by now."_

"_I know," Pasha said, "We will be ready, comrade. That, I promise you." _

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_They stayed in the building for a little over an hour, while Asuka explained what little she remembered of the building's layout. As she talked, Yuriy loaded spare magazines for the pistol he had acquired from one of the dead guards, and doled out the weapons, and explosives between them. The plan was simple, despite the addition of an ad hoc rescue attempt. Before they left the room, they each took one last look at Shinji. Yuriy was the first to turn away, and head down the stairs. Asuka secured her tactical vest, holding spare magazines, with a 'click', and said. "We're coming Shinji, just… hold on a little bit longer."_

_At the mouth of the alleyway, Asuka rejoined Yuriy. He acknowledged her with a quick nod, and they crept forward towards the town square, keeping to the shadows. The deep sound of diesel engines stopped them in their tracks, as they neared the other side. Both watched in horror, as two T-55 soviet built tanks rumbled past them, on their way towards the bridge spanning the Ingoda river. Asuka tapped Yuriy on the shoulder, and whispered._

"_Will the RPG take one of those out?" _

"_If we're lucky, but I'd prefer not to try." Yuriy replied, trying to relax his body, as the sound of the tanks lessened with the distance. They were lucky as far as sneaking around goes, the only light in the square came from the windows of the government building in it's center, the spotlight, and a handful of trash barrels. The two sprinted out from the alleyway, Yuriy's limp was pronounced, though not overly cumbersome. With a dulled thump, they both collided with a UAZ-462 parked at the side of the building. "Okay Asuka, lead the way." Yuriy said, slightly out of breath from the exertion. _

_Asuka led him to the door she had used not even a week prior to escape. Just being back here brought cold chills, Her hand wavered an inch above the door knob. After a moment, Yuriy said, "It's okay Asuka… It's now them who should be afraid." She looked back at him sharply, in time for him to catch a glimpse of her eyes, before she turned back, and flung open the door. He wasn't quite sure what he saw in them, but it did not matter. They burst through the door together, and into an empty foyer, at the base of some stairs. _

"_His office is on the top floor…" She said, "I was on the third, right below his."_

"_What's on the first?" He asked._

"_No clue."_

"_Then let's find out, shall we?"_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

"_What do we know?" Pasha asked, as he stood before the main map board hanging up in the TOC. The room was buzzing with the twenty men needed to operate the radios, and maintain operational control of everything in the sector. The battle captain, in his mid thirties, was actually a major, and a cruel looking man with a deep scar running the length of his face. _

"_At this point, sir, not much new." The major paused, to point a gloved finger towards a point on the map. "The checkpoint to the east was overran, and all the men there were killed either by the car bomb, or by small arms fire." He brought his hand down, and started making his way towards another map. "That checkpoint is now re-manned, and the roadblock has been reinforced… However, it doesn't appear that any counter attack will be originating from the east. We have scouts combing up to three kilometers out, and insofar, they've seen no trace of an enemy force."_

"_Okay, that's good to know…" Pasha said, gratefully accepted a beverage from an aid, and motioned for the major to continue. _

_The Major pointed on another, larger map. "Our forces attacking Irktusk, as you know, have been out of contact since 1300... As of now, we are considering them as lost, unless we hear from them within the next two days. I've deployed most of our infantry to flank all the major routes leading into town from Irktusk. Should a counterattack happin, we should be ready."_

_What about the tanks, comrade?" Pasha asked, and dabbed at the perspiration on his forehead with a handkerchief. The major's mouth opened in reply, but his words were cut off by the sound of gunfire in the hallway outside the room. Everyone in the TOC froze, as the shock of what was happening registered. The sounds of automatic fire silenced as quickly as it came. Pasha looked towards a group of men already under arms, and said "Check it out." _

_The men trotted quickly to the door, checking magazines, and flipped the safety levers down onto automatic. Before the first man could open the door, a large hole exploded through the wood with a resounding boom. The man had caught the shotgun blast square in the gut, and went over quickly. The men behind him were too stunned to react to the grenade that followed the blast through the hole in the door. The second explosion, infinitely louder than the first sent bodies, and equipment flying. The remaining men in the TOC found themselves diving to the floor, the lights above them knocked out from the blast, and hung limply from wires. _

_Pasha wrestled a pistol out of the holster of a man lying next to him. He looked up towards the door in time to see a flash of matted red hair, and a dark, baseball shaped item hurling toward him. He knew exactly what it was, as the grenade thumped down right in front of him, and rolled to a stop. The last thought to ever pass through his mind was one simple word, which he voiced. _

"_Fuck…"_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_Three stories above the action, Nicolay could feel, as well as hear the muffled explosions below him. For a moment, he simply sat there watching the ripples in the glass sitting on his desk. He stood suddenly, and his first reaction was to look out the window, where he saw a handful of his men running towards the building. His building. He turned from the window, and opened one of the top drawers in his desk, to retrieve his pistol. No sooner did he have the pistol in hand, two of his personal body guards burst into his office. _

"_What's happening?" Nicolay said, keeping his voice calm, while fighting the rising panic within. _

"_The building is under attack," one of the men said breathlessly, "not sure how many yet." Nicolay walked around his desk, and towards the door. He only made it twelve feet, before a deafening explosion outside lit up the night, and blew out the building's windows. _

"_Christ almighty, what the fuck was that?!" yelled one of the guards, as he brushed glass off of his uniform. Nicolay walked back to the window in a daze, and looked out to the square. As the glass crunched beneath his feet, another explosion rocked the city only a block away. He watched in horror as explosion after explosion appeared as flashes in the night. Below him, the wreckage of an overturned vehicle burned brightly, but the crater beside it was unmistakable._

_Nicolay answered the guards question with one word, as he turned back toward them. "Artillery." The look on the guard's faces told the tale, they were scared out of their minds. The explosions were becoming more frequent, as the shelling intensified, and Nicolay finally stepped up to his men. "We need to move." He took one last look at his office, and said, "Now."_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_The hallway was filled with a haze, littered with bodies, and stank of fire smoke, and cordite. They had managed to set up a bottleneck in the corridor, and the killing was easy, and plentiful, as the men kept pouring in through the two entryways in front of them. No one was left in the hallway, save for Yuriy, and Asuka, who were hunkered down behind furniture they had hastily piled in the hall as a barricade. They were as shocked as Nicolay had been when they heard, as well as felt the deep rumbling explosions outside. _

"_What the hell was that?" Asuka asked_

"_Sounds like artillery… I'd hate to be outside right now." he responded. The color seemed to drain out of Asuka's face. _

"_What about Shinji?!" she cried out, grabbing a handful of Yuriy's shirt. He didn't even seem fazed. Yuriy looked back at her calmly. _

"_I'd be surprised if he were alive even before the blast." he said, the grip on his shirt starting to relax. "A man can't survive crucifixion for too long…" He looked away. "Besides, right now he would only slow us down, or get us killed." When he finished, he felt a sharp sting on his cheek, and heard the clap of skin hitting skin, as she slapped him hard across the face. After he shook off the sudden shock, he looked back at a seething Asuka. _

"_You maybe right, but I'm not gonna give up on him…" She said in a low, dangerous voice, "Whether you help me or not, I'm going to get him down." That said, she stood, and shouldered her rifle, being careful not to touch the searing hot barrel. She looked at him expectantly as he mulled the choice over in his mind. Finally he stood with her. _

"_We'll get him down, but he's your responsibility." He said, "I'm not finished here yet." _

"_Fine." Asuka said, and walked out into the stairwell ahead of him. Without looking, Asuka was soon outside of the building. She heard a gunshot behind her, and the sound of a body falling through to the foyer. Yuriy appeared in the doorway, an irritated look on his face. _

"_Pay more attention Asuka," he said, laying a large hand on the top of her head, "he was sighting in on your head when I got 'em" Yuriy looked both ways, as he exited onto the street, and jogged as best as his wounded leg would allow him in a crouch. Asuka swallowed hard, and followed. The ground was shaking intermittently beneath her feet with the concussions caused by the falling artillery, and she did her best to avoid tripping on the debris scattered along the street. The top of the building they had used to survey the town square earlier, exploded into a shower of decimated masonry, and fire, as they reached the front of the building. In the square, it was pure pandemonium. A horde of people were running for their lives, running from something coming from the west. The exodus was oddly quiet, with only the occasional screams sounding out with every close call. Asuka could hear the faint echoes of small arms fire somewhere in the distance between the artillery explosions. _

_Asuka followed right behind Yuriy, as he muscled his way to where Shinji was. Occasionally, a frightened man, or woman would slam into him, only to continue on without so much as a reaction on their faces. Yuriy stopped, and Asuka looked up reflexively, to see Shinji hanging three stories directly above them. She wanted to call out to him, to tell him to hold on, but she knew there would be no way he could hear her. Yuriy wasted no time, and started cranking on the manual winch. Bit by bit, Shinji came towards them. Asuka couldn't tear her eyes off of his decimated body. It was too horrible to look away, she just couldn't do it. A high pitched whistling noise interrupted her vigil, Yuriy had stopped cranking and dove onto Asuka, taking her to the ground. The crowd of people around them surged forward with the sound, all trying to outrun the inevitable. A high explosive artillery shell, fitted with a proximity fuse detonated in an air-burst almost directly over the center of the horde of people. The explosion, and inertia of the flying fragments created a cone of death, and destruction, with a radius of approximately fifty meters at the base. It looked as though the people trapped beneath it were simply flattened, dead before they hit the ground, while the resulting shockwave sent those around them flying. _

_Asuka's ears were ringing hard from the nearby explosion, so she didn't really notice the dramatic increase of volume from the crowd, but she saw the hysterical panic in all of their faces. Yuriy was already up, and again cranking Shinji down. _

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_The crowd below him was coming closer, bit by bit. Shinji was only semi-conscious when the shelling started, and the horrifying events unfolding before him seemed filtered by a dream haze. By this point, he had been transitioning in, and out of consciousness so much so that he no longer knew what was, and wasn't real. The pain was still there, it was his only constant, though it had become noticeably dulled, and he felt almost numb to it all. Shinji squinted into the teeming crowd with blurred vision. In the midst of all the people, we saw, or thought he saw, a single figure standing like a lone tree caught in a flood. As he passed below the second story line, he squinted harder, trying to make out the figure. What he saw defied reason. What he saw, or thought he saw, was Rei. Standing there in her school uniform, as though she had just come here from school. As impossible as it all seemed, he accepted it. He accepted it, only because he knew he had seen it before. _

_Shinji's bound feet finally touched down on the old cobble-stoned ground. No longer able to support himself, his knees buckled, and he continued to hang limply from the coarse, wooden beam. He felt arms encircle him, easing his decent, and strong hands unbuckling the thick leather straps that had secured his arms to the beam. Shinji cried out weakly, as his broken right arm fell limply to his side. _

_They laid him out on the ground, and Yuriy went about taking stock of the younger man's injuries. While Yuriy took his pulse, Asuka tilted his head up, and brought water to his lips. The sound of falling artillery subsided, only to be replaced with the sounds of a non-too-distant firefight, punctuated with the intermitted booms of a large caliber cannon. Yuriy looked up at Asuka, and shook his head solemnly. She bit her bottom lip just hard enough to taste blood, and nodded. _

"_Shinji? …It's me …Asuka." She said, just loud enough for him to hear. Shinji mumbled something she couldn't understand over the noise of the finally thinning crowd. Looking out towards the square, she could make out clearly the mass of gore that had once been twenty, or thirty terrified people. "Listen Shinji… We got ya now, you're gonna be alright. Yuriy's gonna patch you up." Yuriy grimaced, and leaned in to speak. _

"_That's right, my young friend, you'll be as good as new." Shinji again mumbled something that could have been a 'thank you', but neither were sure. He crouched next to Asuka, and whispered into her ear, to which she replied in kind. Yuriy stepped away, and pulled his medical pack from where it was slung on his back. After a moment, he produced three small, morphine injectors, which he punched into Shinji's bruised Thigh. It took a second, but the effects of the powerful painkiller were visually obvious. When the drug finally hit, Shinji sighed out a deep breath, and a faint smile came over his face. He motioned for Asuka to come closer. When she complied, he whispered into her ear._

"_I knew you'd come… I j-just wanted to see you again." he said, "I'm glad I got to…" Shinji gripped her hand in his left, as best he was able. _

"_Me too Shinji," Asuka sniffed back a threatening sob, "Me too." He chuckled slighty. _

"_Ya know, this stuff feels great," he said, drawling out the last word, "You should try it." Asuka choked out a stifled laugh._

"_I wish I could, but you used all we got, you dummy." She said, trying to smile. She felt Yuriy's large hand on her shoulder. Asuka turned to look up at him. _

"_I'm sorry, but… we're running out of time Asuka." She pursed her lips, and looked between the two men. _

"_Just…" Asuka said, "Just give me a minute, okay?" He nodded his assent . When she turned back to Shinji, she could tell he was fading fast. "Shinji?"_

"_Yeah?" he asked, eyes half lidded. She hugged him close to her, he responded by returning the embrace with his good arm. After a moment that seemed all too brief, she pulled back, looked him in the eyes, and leaned in. Asuka kissed his swollen lips tenderly, while fighting back the tears. She tasted his blood in her mouth, and felt his shuddering breath. _

"_Shinji, I love you." His eyes, and his smile seemed content._

"_I know." Asuka's shoulders hitched, and before he could see her cry, she took him into another embrace, cradling his head in her hands. She could feel his slowing pulse thudding weakly against her palm. She felt his frail body relax beneath her. With a breathy voice, she heard him say, "I'm home." _

_Shinji finally felt content, as his sight faded. Stars danced in his limited field of vision, as he descended into a comfortable, final peace. He didn't mind, this was a warm place. And Asuka cried. _

_Yuriy nearly had to pry Asuka from Shinji's still form, but eventually she yielded. After she closed the lids on the young man's eyes a final time, she stood, and wiped the pain from her face. What emerged from the other side of her forearm was a mask of determination. She took her rifle back from Yuriy, and with a swift jerk of her hand, racked a round into the chamber of her assault rifle._

"_Yuriy, if we survive, we bury him. I'm not going to leave him behind." she said, leaving no room for negotiation in her voice. _

"_I would have it no other way." He answered, and lead the way back into the building. _

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_Nicolay, and his body guards surveyed the catastrophe that remained of the TOC. The smoky haze obscured most of the mutilated bodies from view, but the level of destruction was plain to see. Nicolay could feel all of his dreams slipping away. All the things he had worked so hard for going up in flames, like everything being engulfed in the growing fire further down the hall. He spat on the floor, and nodded to his men. It was time to leave. To where, he did not yet know, though escaping the city was starting to sound like an exceptionally good idea. _

_The entourage walked briskly down the halls toward the rear of the building, where several trucks were waiting to spirit them away to a place where they could regroup with more of their men. Nicolay was leading the pack, his pistol still held by his side. He cut an imposing figure, and as it happened made an excellent target, as he managed to lead his men into an ambush. _

_Yuriy and Asuka hadn't exactly been lying there in wait, in all actuality, they had been creeping down the sides of the hallway, when Nicolay's group appeared in the mouth of an intersecting corridor. Asuka opened up first, emptying the entire clip in a mad spray that managed to miss more than anything else. Rounds ricocheted off the tiled flooring, and took out several panes of the overhead fluorescents, men, and weapons dove for hasty cover. The sudden firefight was a furious exchange of automatic weapons, and had Yuriy not drove open a door at the immediate onset of the action, he would be either dead, or dying on the tile. Yuriy stopped firing, long enough to exchange magazines, and by the time he was ready to rejoin the action, a thunderous boom echoed down through the hall, and he felt the concussion of the blast strike his chest. Shocked, he looked to Asuka, who wore a smirk, and was holding up a second grenade as if asking for permission. The fire had stopped, so he held up his finger in a 'wait one' gesture. _

_The explosion had decimated Nicolay's small force. He shoved the body of one of his men off of him, and took a look around through the haze. His eardrums had been shattered by the nearby explosion, so the scene had taken on an eerily silent quality. He felt drained, as if all of the strength he had left in his proud frame was fleeing him. Nicolay's head felt unnaturally heavy, and cumbersome, as he realized that he alone was left alive. A shadow came over him, and he looked up into the face of a towering, bearded face. Nicolay groped for his pistol, and just as his hands closed around it, and foot came down on it, crushing his fingers around the grip. Nicolay couldn't even hear himself cry out. When his eyes followed the foot up to the leg, shapely thigh, hips, breasts, and finally settled on the darkened, scared face framed by dirty, matted red hair, he understood. _

"_I know this man." Yuriy said, and Asuka looked at him puzzled. _

"_You do?"_

"_Nicolay Zurikov… This man saved my life once in Chechnya." He paused, " He was my commanding officer." Asuka looked at Yuriy for a moment, then back down at Nicolay. She thought a moment, then crouched down, and snatched the heavy forty five caliber pistol from Nicolay's hand. She then proceeded to aim, and fire the weapon at Nicolay's crotch. The man's screams were horrendous, but Asuka managed to make herself heard over them. _

"_Well, to me he's just a rapist, and a murderer." She turned away, and continued. "I have my vengeance Yuriy, all I ask is that if you kill him," she looked him in the eyes, "you make it hurt." Yuriy simply nodded, and produced a knife with a gleaming eight inch blade. Asuka waited down the hall and listened to Nicolay scream for ten agonizing minutes, with a single gunshot to add punctuation. _

_When Yuriy rejoined Asuka, neither said a word, yet they both understood that they had done what they had set out to do. She picked herself up off the tiled floor, and they made their way out of the building for the last time. The smell of smoke was heavy, and both assumed the building would eventually burn to the ground. Outside, the fighting was all around them. They worked their way back to the front of the building carefully, trying to stay out of the sight of the two warring armies. A surviving tank rolled through the square at top speed, turret facing it's rear, and alight in a blaze of fire from it's 7.62mm co-axial machinegun. The fight was turning into a rout, and they both knew the time to leave was now. They were still alive, but it was obvious they were far from safe. _

_Asuka shouldered the burden of most of Yuriy's weapons, when he picked up Shinji's body in a fireman's carry. Yuriy's limp was much more pronounced, under the added strain, and he was barely able to keep pace with her as they fled the city square. They raced through the alleyways, yet always checked the angles for signs of someone trying to kill them. The truck, miraculously was still parked where they had left it some several hours earlier. Yuriy let Shinji's body gently down into the bed of the truck, and felt grateful for the release of weight off of his legs. The majority of the fighting was now behind them, as they started the truck, and drove off with a quick squeal of protest from the tires. The city buildings raced quickly past, and like the last time she left the city, Asuka could feel it, like a weight coming off of her shoulders. She allowed herself, now in the passenger seat, to relax a bit, and close her eyes in reflection. She could feel the truck riding along the rough road, as they eased around a bend towards where the checkpoint had been. _

_The sudden application of brakes brought both her eyes open with a snap. Yuriy slowed considerably, as he recognized the tank, it's 100mm barrel staring them down from a hastily dug in position, but did not stop. He passed cautiously to the right of the tank, started shouting in Russian at the men manning the position. _

"_Make way!" he yelled, "Comrade Nicolay is right behind us, make a hole!" The men, still seemingly shocked by the severity of the attack on their city heeded his words, and made a hole for them. They passed unmolested through the throng of men, and equipment. These men were too scared, and too few to put up much of a fight anyways. They had just cleared the last of them, when Asuka spoke up. _

"_Yuriy, pull over for a second." He looked at her, confused, but did as she asked. He watched, as she hefted the RPG launcher that they had not yet used, and sighted in on the rear of the tank. "Can't leave without a parting gift…" she said, "it's just rude." Exhaust gases erupted out of the back of the launcher, and the warhead leapt out, and streaked towards the dug in tank. Yuriy craned his head to watch as the rocket hit the pavement short of the tank, and ricocheted into an adjacent truck. The warhead detonated with a flash that sent bodies flying. Yuriy was quick on the gas, and they were soon bouncing back down the road, before Asuka had a chance to secure herself in the seat. They drove all through the rest of the night. _

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_Another day, another body buried, another loved one gone. Asuka stood alone beneath the tree where they had buried Shinji. It was appropriate, she thought, that he be buried next to his wife. The work had been done as soon as they had returned to the house that was no longer a home. There was no real reason for either of them to rest, there was no point in them staying. Yuriy, and Asuka both avoided going in the house at all costs. Neither one of them wanted to see the bloodstains, or the burnt carpet. For his part, Yuriy stayed true to form. He was right the first time they had dug a grave together; He's no priest. Asuka couldn't help but wonder, whether or not Shinji had said anything after he had finished burying all of those bodies while he was still looking for her. The breeze rustled the leaves on the tree, and she decided that it really didn't matter. _

_As she stood there, alone, Asuka reflected back on all the memories she had of Shinji. From the Over the Rainbow, to the simple reply of 'I know', she found it remarkable how miserable both of their lives had been. So much pain, and so little happiness. She found herself trying to figure out how she might have done things different, if only she had known then what she knew now. Asuka watched the shadows of the leaves play on the two tombstones, and in a moment of clarity so astounding it took her breath away, Asuka felt that she had figured it all out. _

_All of the struggles, and all of the pains that they had shared, they had shared together. Life can only be what you make of it, and much depends upon how you deal with it. She finally realized that there is no real reason to it all; You can only reap what you sow. In the end, there is no shortcut, or way around the pains, and no way to cheat a fate that refused to be cheated. _

_No, she realized, The only way out, is through._

_Epilogue: One Last Reflection_

_2025_

_Frankfurt, Germany_

_The journey west had started during a quiet conversation around a small fire by the shed behind Yuriy's house that fateful summer. True, it had always been Asuka's eventual goal to return to her homeland, but she had never dreamed of having a companion along for the ride. Yuriy agreed to come along with her readily, it seemed that he too had felt a need to move on. _

_The journey west was a long one, and things got interesting along the way, as, to Asuka's surprise, she discovered that she was indeed with child. That particular moment of realization had been incredibly frightening. On top of all the worries about her increased vulnerability, she ultimately had to wonder whose child it was… Shinji's, or the nameless guard. The questions, and haunting, nightmarish thoughts plagued her throughout the pregnancy. If not for Yuriy, she knew now, she would have been tempted to try and rid herself of the unexpected burden. _

_The delivery of the child, now going on three years old, had been an ad hoc affair conducted in a small Bavarian farm house in the cold of early spring. Mercifully, the child had been born without any serious complication. When Yuriy presented the baby boy to her, Asuka looked into it's face, and knew immediately who's child it was. With relief, she remembered, that had been the first she had seen Yuriy truly smile since they had started their journey together. _

_Asuka sat alone in the shade of a elm tree, and watched her son help Yuriy pick berries in the evening sun. The air was comfortable, and she was content with her new life. Though she never managed to love Yuriy the way that he had wanted, she knew he would not leave them, and over time, her only regret was not having had the opportunity to truly love the father of her son longer. Though, she had to admit to herself, it was probably best that she didn't._

_A slight breeze rustled the leaves on the tree, and Asuka stood. A peaceful life, even one with such a horrible past, is all she could ask for. Asuka heard Yuriy, and her son calling for her. With a sigh, she left the past behind, and walked out into the light. _

_The End._


End file.
